8 June 2006

In The Spirit of FIFA WORLD CUP 2006 - Ahbeng Football Jokes

Those who have Google Adsense in your blog, have you ever got 300+ clicks from just one (1) ip address? Yup! a hamkahchan trying to sabo my Google adsense by clicking onnit for 300+ times!!! Telekom IP of coz ... to that hamkahchan i wish to bid him TNMCHHKLHKCHKFGSJMSF!!!

Since everyone is eagerly waiting for FIFA world cup 2006 to arrive, it is only appropriate for me to follow up with soccer jokes just to keep the mood high and spirit flowing ....

Before we begin, i think it would be appropriate if we all learn a little bit more about the history of football/soccer (just in case u dint know)

  • * Originated generally in its present form in Britain.
  • * Worlds oldest club formed in 1857 is Sheffield FC.
  • * The most played and most watched sport on Earth.
  • * Called football in practically every country except America, who call 'Grid Iron' football and football soccer :)
  • * Famous rivalries include the Old Firm ( Scotland ), Manchester derby, London derbies, Milan derby, Real vs Barcelona, and many more.
  • * Some famous players: Pele, Maradonna, Charlton, Eusebio, Cruyff, Dalglish, Ronaldo, Beckham, Mattheus
Thats a bit of the background on football and lets also take a look at the terms used in this game also :
  • Football: A game consisting of 22 skilled players, one impartial referee, two eagle eyed referee's assistants and one stupid ball.
  • Teammate: Another person that you have to dribble around
  • Fans: Two sets of absusive referees
  • Offside: The Bermuda Triangle area of the pitch where "innocent" players are drawn towards.
  • Scoring: When 11 men spontaneously start dancing and kissing, regardless of any injuries, whilst 11 others droop like wallflowers
  • Striker: Faultless, overpaid, box hogging layabout who only misses the goal when he is fed a bad ball
  • Defender: Player who's function is to commit fouls just outside of the penalty area
  • Ball: Round object used by referees to entice players into comitting fouls

As usual, our hero today would be Ahbeng, Ahbeng has been a football maniac since his young days. There is this time, back when Ahbeng is only 5 yrs old ... that morning he had a talk with his dad afterwhich he ran to his grandpa and asked him :

Ahbeng : Kung kung! you play football play what position one ar?
Grandpa : What football? Kungkung too old to play football laaa Ahbeng oii.
Ahbeng : AHH??? Kungkung no play football? then how come father say kungkung got play football one?
Grandpa : What you father told you worr ?
Ahbeng : Just now he told me hor .... when you kicked off ledi then we will be able to buy a new car lor!

*LMAO!!! ok ok abit cruel i admit but its a joke only laaa!!! dun fark 9 me!!!*

2 years after that Ahbeng's parents divorced, Ahbeng followed his father migrated to U.K. and his father remarried again, this time to a angmoh woman. The angmoh woman dont like Ahbeng much and she has been torturing Ahbeng alot ..... the worst thing is Ahbeng 's father also changed ledi ... he joined his new wife and they tortured Ahbeng together-gether. Ahbeng beh tahan ledi and one day he managed to escape from the house, he ran to his neighbour for help and the neighbour brought this case to the attention of the police.

The case were presented to the court and Ahbeng was called to winess's stand to testify.

Judge : Ahbeng , why you do not wanna live with your father anymore ?
Ahbeng : Because he always beat me!
Judge : Ahbeng , tell us why you dont wanna live with your angmoh stepmum anymore?
Ahbeng : Because she always beat me also!
Judge : Then who you wanna live with if given a choice?
Ahbeng : I wanna live with Southampton FC!!
Judge : *DumfarkED* Southampton FC??? Why Southampton FC???
Ahbeng : Judge, I wanna live with Southampton FC, becoz Southampton FC never beat en anyone before!

HAHAHAHA!!! MCH! Southampton FC's fansee dont fark 9 me!!! i kidding jek ... but seriously ... Southampton FC really kena demoted to 1st division ledi what ? LOL!!!

fast forward 25 yrs later .... Ahbeng all grown up ledi ... then come one day his chilhood frend (Ahpek) in Malaysia came over to UK to pay him a visit. Ahbeng bring him to his favorite pub and that time it was autumn, so ngam TV is showing football match .... Ahpek himself also anoder football maniac. During the commercial break Ahpek asked Ahbeng these :

Ahpek : Eh ... UK here winter that time also got matches one ka?
Ahbeng : Yar yar from summer till winter also got matches one ... dem shiok here.
Ahpek : hmm... i dont understand something lar .. can ask you anot ?
Ahbeng : Ask lor, we brader no kira wan lar!
Ahpek : you see the players all wear the t shirt so nipis only ... during winter then they will be very cold laa
Ahbeng : Ya la, here winter very cold one ler! sometime hor .. the field will be covered with snow also! that time lagi cold!
Ahpek : WUAH!!! Then what about the balls ? they paint the balls red kaler ar?*
Ahbeng : No ler ... they just wear more thicker spender (underwear) only!

*What Ahpek meant was if the field is covered with snow, then it will be difficult for the players to spot the football because the football is also in white color mah!





  2. woi, you very the exited hor. sampai post 2 times!

  3. ha ha ha ...
    25 person x 2balls = 50 balls color in red!
    muah ha ha ha ha
    btw you forgat 1 player..
    (* Some famous players: Pele, Maradonna, Charlton, Eusebio, Cruyff, Dalglish, Ronaldo, Beckham, Mattheus and wingz)

  4. Anonymous9:27 am

    Wuahahahaha..Wingz gila gila bola ledi.Hold on for another 24 hours then you can see live World Cup Football la.

    To all bruder & Sister, Ah Sooks & Ah Sums, Piao Mei's & Piao Ke's bet on your own risk !! Dun sell 9 your wife away.!!

  5. Anonymous9:33 am

    ah pek! u am very the handsome! everyday i sure stare 9 u one cos u the most handsome guy in the opis.

  6. Anonymous11:43 am

    Ahpek is AhBeng lou yau meh? Now only I know. Kekek...

    By the way, wtf is SJMSF? 300 clicks?? Wah, you become rich sial! LoL...

  7. Anonymous10:17 am

    I no understand your last joke la. Maybe I don't have balls? Eh, I have hor. But different place only.


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