31 December 2007

Happee Nu Yar

In less than 13 hours ... a new era will begin and I wish you all farkers a great year ahead!

Now ... celebration aside ... i got one very important things to teach all you hamsap farkers out there wan, so listen up!

Its crucial that you do this exactly as per the below instructions and the timing must be correct if not it wont work wan ok? By the way ... this applies only to those who got gf/bf/wife/hubby/mistress/fark-mate etc.... single one sindiri TFK la tonite!

Its lidis one ....

Tonite bring your partner go lohmantik dinner ... then lum her/him with plesens and fawers ... then bring her/him home and romance with her/him sommo.

Then from 11pm onwards you kena ikut timetable ledi ...

11:00pm - start beromen ... kasi her/him high high
11:30pm - At this point of time both of you should be bogel (naked) ledi .. if not then you can start tfk ledi!
11:40pm - Start foreplay .... dun care you use fingers ka ... tongue ka ... dildo ka ... durian ka ... janji can make each other stim can ledi la!
11:45pm - At this point of time your partner must either begin to run water (for female) or election ledi (for male) ... if not then u can start tfk also
11:50pm - You should start penetration at this point ... but if you are like Linpeh (Linpeh very fast cum wan! he masuk only 1 minit later he cum!) then you dont mausk 1st ok? wait till 11:59pm baru masuk if not your plan will rosak! In short ... you must hold your white ink till after 12:00am la!
12:00am and beyond - Suka hati lu mau cum ka ..... mau tembak ka ... suma boleh ledi!

Then after that tomolo morning you call all your buddy and come out blekfas and blow water ... then u tell them lidis :

You : I made love (farked) to my gf/bf/wife/husband continously for two years non stop!

They will sure dun briff you wan then you tell them ...

You : Yesday I farked him/her from 2007 untill 2008 la! 2 years what?

Niahma you all better wear german cap ah! if not this september sure got a sudden influx of babies being born wan! lol

Happy New Year Everibodi!!!

*P.S. Yea ... i m toking to with own sexperiences :P

25 December 2007

My Christmas Present To You All

Its 3:18am now and I still hafta goto work later (yea .. on xmas day) and since this year i am blardee broke and I cant afford to buy you guys any xmas present so I did this .... Sincerely from the bottom of my heart.

Rite .. now that you'r done with it ... anyone need any blanket to keep warm?

I know its bad .... just hope you dont mind the crappy voice and lousy background music ... cheap proDUCKtion is lidat one ler.

Thanks for sharing your laughters with me all these years ... Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

23 December 2007

Its Christmas! err ... not quite yet tho

Its that time of the year again and if you dint realise it yet ... yea, i been missing. Clear leave mah! year end kena forced to clear leave ler if not all leave will kena forfit wan ... and since this year i am darn blardee broke instead of heading to some other country we packed our bags and headed to somewhere cheap!

We took a bus to downtown and stayed at rumah tumpangan kiew kiew for 3 days 2 nights! locked ourselves in the room and watch tv till we pukes! All in all we only spent less then RM300!! hows that for vacation?!! lol

I was at my frend's house the other day and I noticed he got this xmas tree next to his altar ... WTF rite? hes obviously a buddhist and yet he got this leetle xmas tree in his house and it doesnt stop there. He asked me to help him wrap xmas gifts also! What will the god thinks ar? kanneh skali the god angwy ledi curse 9 him kaw kaw then he die! lol ....

He also asked me to help him wrap his xmas gift ... while wrapping I said this to him ....

Me : You briff in santa?
Him : Actually nope ...
Me : You joinED yehsow ledi ?
Him : Nope ...
Me : So all this is just for fun ar?
Him : err .. yep!
Me : Diu!! Lidis xmas time come your house also tarak turkey eat one la?
Him : Tarak ...
Me : Cilaka lu! I thot i finally got to eat turkey on xmas day.
Him : You tahpau come my house then we eat together la!
Me : You go let dog fark la lol!

Me : Eh .. ask u har ... if you dun briff in santa what the hell you doing this xmas gift wrapping thingy ar?
Him : Why you ask lidat?
Me : I mean ... if your kids briff in santa rite ... they will think all these gifts is from Santa one you know?
Him : So?
Me : So .. it will be just like at our workplace!
Him : Huh? how so?
Me : We do all the donkey work then the fat farker in the suit gets all the credits!
Him : Wuahahahhaa!!! MCH lu!!! Lidat also u can think wan!
Me : Abuden? You better tell you kids you are the suckers that bought all these gifts ... if not they will think the fat fler really send them xmas gifts then u rugi kasar!!
Him :

So listen up kids ... that big fat fler in the red bright suit is actually your oldman! So if your oldman weck 9 u alot this year ... its a good time to get even with him when hes in his santa suit ... weck 9 him then tell him you thot hes the robber robbing your house lol!

But if that fler is really THE Santa ... then dont tell him you know me wan ok?

Lemme take this chance to wish you all yehsou jais and yehsou luis .... Mehlee Kismes and Happe Nu Yar!

Dun mabuk and drive ok? Plektis Safe Sex ok? Alwaz wear german cap can?

18 December 2007

Why you shouldnt mess with women

This is what you get if you messed with women .....

So ... any guys out there been there done that yet?

14 December 2007

Best Food for You and Your Best Frend!

We at Rojaks InstiTOOT of research kam out with the best food money can buy for you and your best frend!

You eat our food long long then slowly you both (you and your best frend) will looks alike wan!

We no bruff you der .... befoh we launch this ploduck we alredi test on a few victims volunteers and after a few months of consuming our new ploduck ... this is the results ... you take a look and tell us whether our ploduck werking anot la ok?

Janice and her best frend

Gracie and her best frend

Linpeh and his best frend

Dale and his best frend

Kimchi and her best frend

Cocka and his best frend

Nid we say more? Call the numba on your screen now to order! If you order now we will throw in some G tau Bones for you and your best frend to chew on!

Call us now!

13 December 2007

How you know shes still Virgin?

I was toking to this Ahlian from Penang about how she kena torture kaw kaw by her boss ....

Ahlian : I kenot tahan her ledi .... shes binthai one i tell u!
Me : How binthai?
Ahlian : Vehlee binthai! She dem krepot ledi sommo notchet married and no boipren either!
Me : No wonder la!!! Kesian her la no boipren .... you should make piss peace with her and buy her a dildo ... black kaler nigger dildo of XXXL size then you will see her smile smile kam to work everyday!
Ahlian : I rather die than to gibe her present! Eh.... I also got heard rumors that my boss is still virgin you know?
Me : Eh ... by any chance your boss is jabpenis?
Ahlian : Aiks!! How you know wan??!!!
Me : OH!!! I know your boss wan!
Ahlian : Jiak sai lar lu! Dun bruff siu muimui can?
Me : I no bruff siu muimui wan .... if i can tell you her name will you briff me?
Ahlian : If you can say her name out then I briff you la!
Me : Her name is Takashi Masoku
Ahlian : WHAT?!!! You really know my boss??!!!
Me : HAHAHAHA no lar ... i dunno her wan but ...
Ahlian : But what?
Me : But all virgin old aunty also use the same name wan la!
Ahlian : Har? What you mean?
Me : its lidis one .... if you translate Takashi Masoku into malay it will sound like "TAK KASI MASUK" thats why they still virgin la!!!
Ahlian : MCH!! $%^&*!@!!! YOU BRUFF ME!!!

*From Manglish DICKtionary :-

Takashi Masoku - noun [pronounciation - tak kasi masuk] - Suspected still virgin mia binthai ladyboss that lafu to torture subordinates wan, any nationality will do ... not necesarily jabpenis!

i.e.: My boss is confirm Takashi Masoku la! I check her personal file ledi ... really wan!!

Any of you have Takashi Masoku as boss also? Buy her a dildo la! You sure can get plomotion wan!

Now tell me that my jokes is very funny and make me kembang can?? Ok i bek to work ledi .... u all go jiak sai la!

7 December 2007

Nah! Your Answer!

1.] Lisan a.k.a. Kimchi asked :

Question : What wud u say if your toudai come back permanent again?
Answer : You got left meh?? As long as you keep taking piktures in bikini i think everybodi welokam you bek one geh! kakakaka!!

2.] ellemkay asked :
Question : y no cuci mata wednesday post this week?
Answer : Ini suma my porn pusher mia fault! This week she pushed to me all XXX materials! All no wear clothes wan! Got show prebet part also! How to publish la? ... U wait next week la! I now looking for new supplier ledi!! I hope you wont bekam impotent just becoz of that ok? LOL!

3.] funkster asked :

Q1 : 1) how come ur balls made of steel?
Answer : You know why they put bells on cow anot? Its to track them! and also they will know when there is a cow nearby! Balls of steel make noises when i walk ... so peeple will know i m kambing!!! The faster i walk the louder it bekam ... it sound like thunder when i begin running! PAHWER ANOT?!!!

Q2 : y ur voice sound like a frog??
Answer : Got one proverb that says .... "Masuk kandang kambing mengembik, masuk kandang kerbau menguak" in short it means the ability to adjust and adapt la ... so naturally when i tok to a frog i hafta pretend to have a voice of a frog right anot??!! *p.s. I dunwan weck u one har .. but u made it so tempting ... if i dun weck i feel sorry for myself la!*

4.] mr.right asked :

Question : Who shuld England FA choose to be England manager?
Answer : Stephen Chow Seng Chee la! You got watch Shaolin sucker soccer anot wan??!!

5.] Hor ny Ang Moh asked :

Q1 : Can u tell me how to earn some money from blogging???
Answer : Earn some money thru blogging? I learnt from Make$ Money$ Blog wan!!

Q2 : How much u earn already arrr?
Answer : How much I earn ledi? You mean if I login to nuffnangs and click on the "earnings" link lidis .....


Then scroll to the bottom of the page to find out how much you earn lidis ?

Disclaimer : The above is not the screenshot of my nuffnang account ok?!! I curi from ader blogger wan!

Q3 : Oh please post up cuci mata on westerday!
Answer : Is this a question or not ar?

6.] Law asked :

Q1 : Where you get all the ideas to crap so funny 1?!
Answer : Most of the time these jokes were told to me by my imaginary frends, it happens when i sitting on the toilet bowl waiting for shit to come out that time then .... my imaginary frends will come out and tok to me wan... then they will tell me jokes and help me plan my punchline and all .... All that happening in the toilet! You wanna meet my imaginary frends anot? They told me just now that they wanna meet u leh!

Q2 : Advertise my blog can ar?!all about poetry geh..not funny...ahaha..but very tragic!
Answer : Actually I am suppose to link you nick to your blog wan ... but it seems that your blog is sesatED and your nick does not provides any kinda link to your blog ... so i also derno what you want lol! Maybe you should meet my imaginary frends ler ..... they will help you wan!!

7.] girlgirlgirl asked :

Q1 : no need post photo.. but what do you look like *honestly hokeyy*?
Answer : I looked like a man! a hansem man! err .... does that answer your question? if not then you should go and search for the previous nuffnang blogger of the month la, then you can see my fugly face there! But dun say I no warn you wokeh? there is a reason why i dun post my own pikture in my blog one! .... the last time i try to "kuci-kuci-koo" a cute baby ... i was severely beaten by his mum bcoz she thot i m a bulldog! ... sigh*

Q2 : u think..if dun have good GPA ... can get good job anot?
Answer : Lemme tell you something you wont learn in skool la ... when u kam out to work it doesnt matter what what GPA you got .... the only thing that differentiate a manager and a clerk is how good is your shoe polishing kungfu is! If your boss happy with your shoe polishing kungfu ... he/she will hire lotsa ppl to do your donkey work for you wan!

Q3 : ever think of having monkeys in the house?
Answer : Now that you asked .... when you wanna move into my houz?

8.] Zewt asked :

Question : when r u going to organise another gathering la?
Answer : Been thinking about it .... If got enuff peeple willing to help why not? but 1st of all .... You gonna help out anot?

9.] snowlygirl asked :

Q1 : y - ours english very difficult 2 understand
Answer : bcoz I not toking english la! I m toking manglish! U using the different DICKtionary!

Q2 : Those 'mo kuai' also asking which university or college u coming from........ ???????
Answer : I grad from Fukkien University China, in short its called Fuk U!

Q3 : By the way , those 'mo kuai' also asking r u g...y. bcoz ur wife look like m..n.!
Answer : My w..fe l..oks l..ke a m..n bec..z I l..oks li..e a w..m..n!!! Y..u ev..r met a m..n th..t l..oks l..ke a w..m..n a..ot?

10.] Sengkor asked :

Question : how to cheat linpeh's money?
Answer : This one easy la! You take his pikture then you threaten him to put it online! he will try to bribe his way out wan! ... btw you dont threaten him first ok? he still havent finish paying me yet! Next month baru your turn la!

11.] C2 asked :

Question : no reply for the past 10 comments one? should i ask more question? then it will become 11, then you will have to crack your head to answer one more question...
Answer : Can ask something deeper? You goto which kindy wan? LOL!

12.] a-lena asked :

Question : i ask you worh ...why u so funni geh?
Answer : If you got watch The Matrix you sure can remember the scene where the fler hafta choose between the red pill and the blue pill one ... remember? Well I chosen the red pill and thereafter I m lidis ledi!!! ARGHH!!! I should have taken the blue one!!! ARGHHH!!!!

13.] jyushiang asked :

Question : Been reading your blog over the past few months I've came to my realisation that you are actually a married man with kids. I'm surprised with "hahahaha" the profanity you use in your blog your wife did not whack chat kao kao you loh. I cannot imagine in the next couple of years your gin na come ask you "Pa, what does kaninbu mean?"
Answer : Actually there is 2 ways of looking at it ...
  1. This is a joke blog and i m not a moral teacher. This might be my alter ego blogging and maybe in real life i m not lidat at all? that ever crossed your mind b4? :)
  2. I m almost certain that even if my kid dont learn the meaning of kanibu from me he/she will certainly/definitely learn it from someone/somewhere else, I rather it be me than the other. Knowing is one thing and using it is another, it all comes to who you choose to be at the end of the day. I m sure you know how to use the knife right? but have you kill anyone yet? :P

And I thot this is gonna be easier than my regular post! ... man i m so wrong! Lets not do this again anytime soon ok? :)

You are the Blogger Today!

You derno what I mean right? ...

Actulee its nothing spesel also la, most of the fehmes blogger did this ledi its called "Ask me anything post". Yea ... so you can ask me anything today...

Since the komens in this blog is getting lesser and lesser and lesser and lesser i figured even if I did this post also I wont have alot to type also! Maybe less typing than my normal post kakaka! If lucky got one or two questions la ... if not lucky got Gero komens like my most of my posts!

There go ahead ... ask me whatever fark you want ok? Then you will see if my answer is within your expectation anot!

KAM! Let your horse KAM!

P.S. : No sensitip racial/political/religious questions pulez! This is a farking jokes blog la!
P.S ii : Anon komen enable but please at least type a name ok? I need to mention to whom I am replying to also right anot?

6 December 2007

Cj7 By Chow Sing Chee Kambing soon to a cinema near lu!

I always been a fansee of Chow Sing Chee a.k.a. Stephen Chow's movies and when i hear he got a new movie kambing out I fast fast check it out ... the movie name is CJ7 from the short clip its suppose to be comedy, sci-fi, aliens, bang bang type of movie.

Heres a short clip from the movie i got from a hot chick, a treat to those who derno what to expect in his next movie.

Ladies and GENITALmen ... enjoy!

I think this is gonna be funny la! You got see the kid anot? hes gifted man! Cant wait for it to be screen!

5 December 2007

My Wife's Photo

Last week got this Hot Chick ask me lidis ....

Hot Chick : You really married meh?
Me : Abuden? You never see i post pikture of my son meh?
Hot Chick : Cheh ... that kid could be your nephew also wat? You know u lar... always bruff peeple wan geh!
Me : Hes really my son leh! no bruff wan! You dun briff you ask belle la! She met my son before geh.
Hot Chick : Then how come you neber post photo of your wife wan?
Me : Wah lau eh .... this question really deep wor!

Yar I really neber post pikture of my wife in this blog .... mainly becoz my wife warned me during my early stage of blogging ... she told me lidis ...

Wife : If you dunwan die in your sleep then you make sure my face neber appear in that stupid blog of your ok?
Me : Want blekmel me lidat meh?
Wife : If u dun briff you can try and see la!
Me : =.=""

You see ... i dunwan die in my sleep ... thats why i dunwan try buden after nearly 3 yrs of blogging i think its about time ledi so ... i risked my life yesday nite ... gather all my courage and asked my Wife this ....

Me : I want put your pikture in my blog ... i m not asking for your permission ... i only informing you oni!
Wife : Put lor ....
Me : HAR??!!! put??! I thot kenot put?
Wife : Last time lu mia blog tarak ppl read ... now lu mia blog fehmes ledi ... all my fwens also got read ... you put ledi i also fehmes la! go ahead and put my pikture on your blog ok?
Me : Wuah ... mch women really can change their mind every second one hor?
Wife : Oi u dun tok so much! You wanna put anot now?
Me : OKOK!! I PUT!! I PUT!!!!

There ... I risked my life and i asked ledi ..... now i got the permission from my highness to post her pikture online ledi ...

This pikture is taken in China West Lake during our honeymoon there ....

Click on the above pikture to see her face la!

4 December 2007

Ahbeng The Marbles Man

OMFG!!! its oni Tuesdei and I m dying ledi!!! God pulez gimme pahwer!!!

Today i wanna share you all this bideo my KKP sent to me wan .... gerenti you luff mia! If tarak luff I kasi refund balik your ticket plice wokeh?

How Ahbeng the Marbles Man got pahwer anot??!!! Whole plate fulla marbles can fly high high man!!! PAHWER SIAL!! KAKAKAKAKA!!!

3 December 2007

Old Ginger is Hotter wan!

God help me pls .... its only Monday!!! ARGHHHHHHH!!!!

In this setori ... Ahbeng is a senior (old la!) carpenter werking in the construction site. You know lar .... construction site sure got alot alot young muscular man wan rite? So happen that one day this young macho fler (Ahkiat) is boasting about how strong and powderfool he is and make fun of Old Ahbeng. This goes on for a while before Ahbeng sibeh tulan with him and "BIG" 9 him back!

Ahbeng : Ahkiat I dun blame you lar ... you no skool wan ... thats why you dunno.
Ahkiat : Oi oldman what toking you? What I dunno?
Ahbeng : You dunno that old ginger is more hot than young ginger
Ahkiat : Hot my foot la! If you got balls u come fight with me and see who hot-TER want anot?
Ahbeng : Fight fight not my style .... if you got balls then you take my bet la!
Ahkiat : What you want challenge me oldman?
Ahbeng : I bet with you my one month salary that I can push something in a wheelbarrow from here to that store and you kenot carry it back the same way!

Ahkiat : HAHAHA!!! Oldman lu "Erm Jai See" (no sked die) ... whole construction site also know i m the most powderfool here you sommo wanna fight with me!! I can carry anything you can haul in that wheelbarrow. Come la! I take your bet!

So both of them also goto ATM and pless out their monthly salary and put on the table as bet. Then Ahbeng goan find himself a wheelbarrow, park it nicely .... dust his hands abit ... and then he said this to Ahkiat.

Ahbeng : Oi! Kanneh! What you waiting for? Get in la!

Erm ... who dun gedit?