My Christmas Present To You All

Its 3:18am now and I still hafta goto work later (yea .. on xmas day) and since this year i am blardee broke and I cant afford to buy you guys any xmas present so I did this .... Sincerely from the bottom of my heart.




Rite .. now that you'r done with it ... anyone need any blanket to keep warm?

I know its bad .... just hope you dont mind the crappy voice and lousy background music ... cheap proDUCKtion is lidat one ler.


Thanks for sharing your laughters with me all these years ... Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Its Christmas! err ... not quite yet tho

Its that time of the year again and if you dint realise it yet ... yea, i been missing. Clear leave mah! year end kena forced to clear leave ler if not all leave will kena forfit wan ... and since this year i am darn blardee broke instead of heading to some other country we packed our bags and headed to somewhere cheap!

We took a bus to downtown and stayed at rumah tumpangan kiew kiew for 3 days 2 nights! locked ourselves in the room and watch tv till we pukes! All in all we only spent less then RM300!! hows that for vacation?!! lol

I was at my frend's house the other day and I noticed he got this xmas tree next to his altar ... WTF rite? hes obviously a buddhist and yet he got this leetle xmas tree in his house and it doesnt stop there. He asked me to help him wrap xmas gifts also! What will the god thinks ar? kanneh skali the god angwy ledi curse 9 him kaw kaw then he die! lol ....

He also asked me to help him wrap his xmas gift ... while wrapping I said this to him ....

Me : You briff in santa?
Him : Actually nope ...
Me : You joinED yehsow ledi ?
Him : Nope ...
Me : So all this is just for fun ar?
Him : err .. yep!
Me : Diu!! Lidis xmas time come your house also tarak turkey eat one la?
Him : Tarak ...
Me : Cilaka lu! I thot i finally got to eat turkey on xmas day.
Him : You tahpau come my house then we eat together la!
Me : You go let dog fark la lol!

Me : Eh .. ask u har ... if you dun briff in santa what the hell you doing this xmas gift wrapping thingy ar?
Him : Why you ask lidat?
Me : I mean ... if your kids briff in santa rite ... they will think all these gifts is from Santa one you know?
Him : So?
Me : So .. it will be just like at our workplace!
Him : Huh? how so?
Me : We do all the donkey work then the fat farker in the suit gets all the credits!
Him : Wuahahahhaa!!! MCH lu!!! Lidat also u can think wan!
Me : Abuden? You better tell you kids you are the suckers that bought all these gifts ... if not they will think the fat fler really send them xmas gifts then u rugi kasar!!
Him :


So listen up kids ... that big fat fler in the red bright suit is actually your oldman! So if your oldman weck 9 u alot this year ... its a good time to get even with him when hes in his santa suit ... weck 9 him then tell him you thot hes the robber robbing your house lol!

But if that fler is really THE Santa ... then dont tell him you know me wan ok?


Lemme take this chance to wish you all yehsou jais and yehsou luis .... Mehlee Kismes and Happe Nu Yar!

Dun mabuk and drive ok? Plektis Safe Sex ok? Alwaz wear german cap can?

Raya Jokes ... What will you be doing during the long Raya Holiday?

I think the most popular question asked during this time around is :

"What will you be doing during the long Hari Raya Holiday?"

Being the Ahbeng next door type of peeple I m, I kena ask this question derno how many times ledi last week and this week. Then yesday when i go yum char with my buddies the fler ask me again .... it gets abit annoying being asked the same question over and over again innit? It feels like you are being interogated lidat! ... this is how i answered this time :

Ahbeng : Oi ... Raya holiday so many days you do what?
Ahseng : I go Cameron highland holidei with family
Linpeh : I bring Piaomei go Genting
Me : U farkers dem lucky la! I dem pokai now ... i kena work on Raya also
Ahbeng : What work you wanna do?
Me : I think i will do 2 part time work la
Ahseng : Wuah Raya got part time work for you to do meh?
Me : Got la!
Linpeh : What work?
Me : Morning till afternoon I m gonna sell Lemang beside the road.
Linpeh : Lemang ?? Lu cina ahpek mau jual lemang ka??!!!
Me : YALA! Where the hell you can buy lemang being cook by cina mia?! Lidat oni unik ma! Later they buy ledi they can tell their frends ... "ini lemang spesel mia! Cina bikin mia! Mali cuba!
Ahbeng : Wuah you terra la! lidat also u can think!
Me : Abuden?
Ahseng : Then what is your second part time?
Me : Since now is Raya, lotsa peeple either balik kampung or go holiday rite?
Ahseng : Then?
Me : I gonna find big big house and masuk curi la! Can take my own sweet time ... nobody around .... slow slow choose also can! kakakakakaka!!!
Linpeh : MCH! toking to you can puke blood sometime!
Me : Wuahahahaha!!!

If you are going anywhere during this festive season, make sure all your doors are properly locked and your alarm is working properly .... its not gonna be nice to kambek to an empty house ok?

This has been anoder community services by Rojaks Daily

Selamat Hali Laya La!

Selamat Hari Raya

Saya ucapkan kepada semua member, abangs, kakaks, adiks, pakciks, makciks, datuks, tan sris, puan seris, datins sekalian!

Maaf Zahir Batin.

Selamat Hari Raya dan Selamat Balik Kampung!

This Kambing Festive Season lotsa cars will be heading back to kampung so please make sure your car is in good conditions and please ensure all the passengers have their seatbelt fasten when the car is in motion, even those passengers who is sitting at the back seats!

If you dont then what being shown here in this video below might happen to you! By the way, the video below might contain some scary/gross/gory elements so if you cant take it the dont pless the play button ok?





Be safe, fasten your seat belts! Dont be a statistic! Have a safe balik kampung journey! Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!

Colorful Mid Autumn Festival

Mid Autumn Festival is actually a day for family to gather around and spend some quality time together. It doesnt matter is you are broke like me or you are rich like Billy Gatto its the warm feeling of being with your own family that counts.

Your mooncake might be more expensip than ours or you drink wine while eating your mooncake while we drink chinese tea only but for all I know ... I might be happier than you are haha!

Ok la ... i m a blardee poor man now so I sour grape abit can???

Anyway ... here is some photos taken by a poor man during his poorman Mooncake festival celebration.

This one we call Tik-Tik-Cum ... haha i derno why we call it lidat ... my mader teach wan

Cheap tanglung bcoz we kenot afford the expensip one, RM5 for 12 pcs oni!

Wuah!!! this pic artistic anot? Taken with my cheapo Nohkia N73 wan!

This pic got abit deepavali feel to it ... rite anot?

Pondan Pandan Mooncake (RM3 a piece)

Piggy mooncake (RM1 each)

Doraemon mooncake (RM1 each)

Nuts Mooncake (RM5 each)

Harro Kitty Mooncake (RM0.30 each)

Economy red bean mooncake (RM3.00 each)

Hows your mid autumn day? You think mooncake is on sale starting today? I think so!

The Color of Mooncake Festival

Mid Autumn Festival to me is a festival for kids and family to get together and that is what we did. Although there is still a few days left before the actual date and since its weekend we took the chances to go back to my folks home and play tanglung like the good old days.

We kinda ruined the gate by placing lotsa candles onnit, looks like we gotta clean it up after mid autumn or my folks is really gonna weck us all kaw kaw lol.

This fish lantern has been with Little Devil since hes 2 years old, a gift from his grandpa and for the last 3 years he has been playing with this. Lets hope there will be many more years to come for this fish.

This big headed lantern belongs to my sis, been with her for a few years also.

Others than candles and tanglung we also got ourself some light fireworks and some pop-pops

Being a traditional Ahpek, we do not have fancy fancy battery operated noisy kinda tanglungs, that kinda tanglung is blardee annoying. If you asked me to choose i rather buy a torchlight instead.

Little Devil enjoying himself

Little Devil first encounter with fireworks, he finished the whole stack and still asking for more.

Why no mooncake? Well its not the actual date yet and if you noticed ... the price of mooncake is not cheap nowadays, so only on the actual date only eat ler! This year we got homemade mooncake instead of buying those expensive mooncake from outside.

If you cant make it back home to celebrate ... I hope the piktures in this post would be able to warm up your heart a lil bit and do call your folks and tell them how you wished you could be celebrating with them ok?

Happy mid autumn festival everybody!

Mid Autumn Poem

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I mau wish Suanie the Great Happe Birday! May you find your personal bird this year!

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Mid Autumn Festival is around the corner and I wanna dedicate this spesel Canto Mid Autumn Poem to you all, Its adapted from the fehmes Ancient Chinese poem by Li-Bai With the help from Ahbeng of coz.



Get a Voki now!



Happy Mid Autumn Festival! Got balik Kampung play tanglung anot lu?

Chinese New Year - Nin Chor Yat

Every year Nin Chor Yat morning also kambek parents house to have lunch, this year aso no different.

Chinese New Year is lidis one ... Eat, HOT, Watch TV, Still HOT, drink soda, Still Farking HOT, Gamble gamble gamble, Eat more, Watch TV then sleep!

Now I m Watching Alan Tham concert at parents house, Alan Tham wor!!! I doubt young generation got listen to Alan Tham anymore but old folks like me dem like it when they airing Alan Tham concert lol! Prolly bcoz I can sing most of Alan's song la ... niahma I know I old fart ok?!

Alan Tham

I whacked one container of Kuih Kapit

Pity My robot kena tortured by me bcoz i m too bored lol

Lil DEvil's Golden Piggy

Then Watch more TV

I dont think I can survive lidis mia life ... not even for one week!!! ARGHHH!!! Who want play Mahjong??!!!

KUNG HEI FATT CHOY!!!

KUNG HEI FATT CHOY!!! Lin Sam Sap (30) Marn, Farn Ork Kay Sek Tuen Nin Fan Lor!!!!

I m posting this from my mum's house with DiGi EDGE of coz.

Before dinner my mum told me that she just started to read my blog, she said my sis showed her my ChunToy Fattchoy Tree post and she was still giggling when she mention that to me.

Tuen Nin Dinner is THE most important dinner of the year. This is where the entire family, young young old old all sit together gether and stuff our fat face!

Orange Basket made by my sis

Ginger Tooth Duck (Kiong Ngar Ngap)

Fish Maw Soup- Another Chinese Delicacies

Kau Yoke with Yam - Braise Yam Pork Hakka Style

Kampung Pak cham Kai - "Village 'Steam' Chicken"

Hakka Char G Yoke with "Wood Ear" Fungus

A Chinese Reunion Dinner

Its nice to be able to sit together with my whole family and relatives and have dinner.

If you cant go home to celebrate CNY this year ... the least you can do is to call your folks at home and tell them how much u wished you were back at home with them .... a call from you would do wonders to them you know?

Kung Hei Fatt Choy!

Official Launch of Xin Nian Lai Lor

Before you listen to this He Xin Nian, I wanna admit i sucks at singing and my singing is so terrible and the best part is .... this farker Linpeh purposely find that "lari tune" part to put in the song!!! MCH!!!

Ok la actually Its one take (No N.G.) and i dint even bother to listen to it first before I send to Linpeh, I thot that farker will choose the best part mia ... mana tau ....

But you know what? This song is actually good for those driving long distance one .... the part where I sing rite ... will wakeup any sleepy head!! GERENTIK!!!

The Song is located below the lyrics, enjoy!


He Xin Nian

1st Round

Allison (http://manja.wordpress.com/)
He xin nian Zhu xin nian
Xin nian ah Nian lian nian

CY Gemini (http://karljam.blogspot.com/)
Bao zhu sheng sheng cui de xiang you nian

Wen (http://lwenwen.blogspot.com/)
He xin nian Zhu xin nian
Xin nian ah Nian lian nian

Kenny Ng (http://www.kenny-ng.blogspot.com/)
Sui yue you you guang yin shi jian

John Ong (http://onglinepodcast.com/)
Wuching (http://wuching.blogspot.com/)
Inevitable(http://unforseeable.blogspot.com/)
Hui shou wang shi ru yan tong ku xing suan
Ji wang cong jin wan shi ru yuan

LP (http://lpkorner.blogspot.com/)
He xin nian Zhu xin nian
Xin nian la Nian lian nian

Wingz (http://rojaks.blogspot.com/)
Yuan ta jia dou guo ge tai ping nian


2nd Round

Shooi (http://justmytots.com/)
Lady Moon (http://www.skyladies.blogspot.com/)
He xin nian Zhu xin nian
Xin nian ah Nian lian nian

Frostier (http://hizecool.com/)
Bao zhu sheng sheng cui de xiang you nian

Pin Pin (http://lazypinpin.blogspot.com/)
He xin nian Zhu xin nian
Xin nian ah Nian lian nian

Lilpatchee (http://lilpatchee.blogspot.com/)
Sui yue you you guang yin shi jian

Angel (http://angelestrix.blogspot.com/)
Lin Peh (http://tok3tok4.blogspot.com/)
John Ong (http://onglinepodcast.com/)
Hui shou wang shi ru yan tong ku xing suan
Ji wang cong jin wan shi ru yuan


All

He xin nian Zhu xin nian
Xin nian la Nian lian nian
Yuan ta jia dou guo ge tai ping nian

Heres the song :

He Xin Nian

Things You can do with the Skin of Mandarin Oranges when you are Bored

To those who got no kampung to go back to (me included) and left to rot and grow mushroom in KL or you could rot and grow mushroom in your parents/inlaws/relatives/friends's house and because you dont gamble (me included also) and are left alone while the others gamble like fark .. then this is what you can do!

I trust most of the chinese families would have bought lotsa mandarin oranges, so there you are stuffing yourself with those free oranges (you greedy pig!) and you will throw those orange's peels away rite?

No dont throw them away! These orange peels got this boredom and mushroom counter abilities one!

Come come i show you my latest discovery ... you can actually do stuffs/intesresting artwork with this orange's peels ok?

This is your regular ordinary worthless mandarin orange's peels and since its the year of Pig/Boar I will show you how to make a pig with these peels.

This is a standing pig .... bored like fark waiting for someone

This is a naked pig lying down

This is a pig lying down on its stomach naked also of coz ....

This pig is not naked ... but this pig is dem liu kap! (holding his liquid)

This is a HIGH-ED pig .... mabok ledi

This is a half naked pig in his underwear.

See? I told you those orange's peels are useful rite? Now tell me you actually learnt something from this post ok?

Show me what else can you make with mandarin orange mia peel ok? Take piktures and post online! OMFG! I just made this a meme tag!!!

Ok ok this is what u gotta do :

First u goan get some mandarin orange mia skin/peels then u make funny funny object (preferably those object related to CNY one la!) with it and then u take piktures and u post the piktures in your blog then u tag anoder 3 more flers ok?

I wanna tag 3 flers :
1. 5xmom
2. Ahuei
3. Lisan

Things that people do when they are bored ... LOL!

Drive Carefully! Have a Safe Trip! Bon Voyage!

Ok I think i am abit late in saying this but better late than never rite?

To those who will be driving long distance back to kampung this Chinese New Year, make sure your car is in good running order, it is better if you could get it checked out and better still get it serviced before you go on with your journey.

Check your brakes, check you oil, check your water and coolant, check your tyres make sure its in good condition with penty ot thread left, top up your windscreen solutions.

Make sure u have proper rest before you start your journey, a couple of bottles of livita in the car would do wonders sometimes. Do not continue your journey if you felt sleepy or drowsy, a brief stopover at the R&R would definitely helps, walk around or wash your face or take a puff or go toilet tfk or you can even have a cuppa kopi as long as it works and you get to arrive safely.

Do not speed! the highway is not a race track! Follow all the traffic signs and adhere the speed limit pls.

Do not stop to take down other cars plate number if there is an accident, drive on! dont cause more traffic congestions!

Go enjoy yourself and come back safely! Bon Voyage!

And below is a few photos of a gory road accident in Malaysia involving a kancil. Go, take a look and sked the shit outta yourself! then you sure drive safely!

SPEED KILLS!!!

Pics courtesy of Paultan.org

Chinese New Year : 3 More Draws! Who Want Lucky 4D?!!

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Warning : The below prediction are only for entertainment purposes. User(s) are advice to proceed under own risk. Author(s) will not be hold responsible towards loses/liabilities arises from any misuse of the below program for gambling purposes. By using the below program user hereby agreed to indemnify the author of this blog from all liabilities arises from the usage of the abovesaid program.

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1 more week till Chines New Year, which also means there is only 3 more 4D draw includes Sunday (18th Feb 2007) which is on the Chinese New Year itself.

According to most of the businessmen i meet, business is terrible this year and there isnt much Chinese New Year Mood around. This all could only mean one thing ... Times are bad! Times are Really Really bad and commoners like us are bloody dem kok poor!

So when you are dem kok poor what will you do? You buy 4D!!!! And man do we have great news for all you gambling ghost out there!!!

KAM KAM!!! Everibodi COME FATT CHOY!!! This year ROJAKS in co-operation with HEAVENLY CHOY SUN association brings you this once in a lifetime oppurtunity. CHOY SUN is giving 4D lucky numbers !!!

FATT CHOY MAI BIN WEI !!!!! FATT CHOY MAI BIN LAAA!!!!

Whether you are loyal to MAGNUM 4D, DAMACAI or SPORTS TOTO CHOY SUN also understand your need! CHOY SUN mia LUCKY number are compatible with all those major gaming outlet mentioned above. So what you waiting for ???!!! Wanna FATT DART ANOT??!!!

So, After this every Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday you no need to "ngong kooi kooi" stand in gaming outlet thinking of what numbers to buy ledi la!! Thanks to Rojaks Daily now you know what numbers to buy ledi laaa!!! Mana mau cari??!!!

HOW TO USE CHOY SUN PROGRAM

How to get the best reults from CHOY SUN

• - Wash Hand 1st with pamelo leaves, Mana tau u just now go TFK, if dont wash sure manyak suey wan.
• - Close you eyes and Pray first, Repeat after me "If i kena ledi i will donate 10% of my prize money to Wingz" kena pray sincerely wan if not wont kena wan.
• - Then plomise yourself again (dispite the promised you made in your previous prayers) that if you kena liow you must give 10% to the Rojaks Entertaiment Fund and make me a happier person.
  
• - DO NOT share your lucky number with anyone. If anyone pretend to be from the ROJAKS management kam ask u for the number, IGNORE THEM! ROJAKS and Managements will not ask for your lucky numbers wan. We also plotek all your LUCKY NUMBERS! this is our PIRACY PRIVACY policy.
• - Lastly, click on CHOY SUN and you will see LUCKY ANGPAU will appear, then wait for your LUCKY NUMBER to appear from within the LUCKY ANGPAU, Make sure you fast fast write it down and keep it somewhere safe. Also be aware of your surroundings ... you dont wanna let ppl see whats your secret lucky number do you?
  

Go on ... get your lucky number now ... everyone need a lucky number is bad times lidis!

GOOD LUCK AND KUNG HEI FATT CHOY!!!

Copyright Rojaks 2005, Do not reproduce/use without the prior written consent from the original author (me lar!).

Auspicious Plant for Chinese New Year

At Rojaks Daily we took the liberty to provide you with the knowledge you require to go thru festivals like Chinese New Year and such.

Today we rounded up some of the plants we chinese love to have in our house during Chinese New Year and also letting you know what is the meaning behind every plant ok?



Kumquat

Pronounced Gumgut in Cantonese, the kumquat is a pun for gold (gum), and for good fortune (dai gut). Cantonese love to decorate their homes and places of business with pots of kumquats, in the hopes that they will bring good fortune and wealth.



Pink blossoms


The peach tree with its Pink blossoms is a standard decoration for the New Year. Considered sacred in China, the wood of the peach tree was used as a charm (taofu) against evil in ancient times. Numerous peach trees are sold annually during the New Year flower fairs in Canton and Hong Kong. They are brought home and kept in the oldest and nicest porcelain vase in the family, for it is believed that the older the vase, the longer the flowers will bloom.

The peach, an emblem of longevity, is of paramount importance in Chinese culture and is one of the most popular motifs found in Chinese art. It is the symbol of the venerable God of Longevity, Shoulao, Xiwangmu, the Queen Mother of the West, is believed to possess an orchard of peach trees in her abode up in the Kunlun mountains. The trees blossom only once every 3000 years, and the fruit takes another 3000 years to ripen. It is believed that eating these peaches will grant immortality.


Chinese Pussy Willow

Since the Chinese like numerous blossoms on a branch, the many buds of the willow
make it a favorite flower for Chinese New Year. The fluffy white blossoms of the Chinese pussy willow resemble silk, and they soon give forth young shoots the color of green jade. Chinese enjoy such signs of growth, which represent the coming of prosperity.



Lucky BambooLucky Bamboo or Fortune Bamboo is not a bamboo plant at all. It is botanically know as Dracaena Sanderiana and belongs to the same family as the Iron Plant. They are imported from Taiwan and Indonesia and come in many different shapes and sizes. There are 'twisted' or 'curled' bamboos which are displayed in odd numbers in tall vases and the significant number is 21. There are also those which are bound in circular rows displayed in water based containers and pleated in a circular manner in pots by skilled individuals. Whichever type you choose they are the easiest plants to grow. They are highly recommended for the indoors because they can grow in low light conditions and are undemanding plants. Many people keep the Fortune Bamboos in their homes for Feng Shui reason. For those which are grown in water, add some coloured stones or pebbles and maintain the water level under the level of the stones in order to prevent mosquitoes breeding. If displayed in vases, ensure that the water is changed every couple of days. They are very popular during the Chinese New Year and they have also found their way into western flower arrangements because of their interesting forms.




Chrysanthemum


Yellow Chrysanthemum signifies gold/good luck. However, during the Chinese New Year there are many different varieties of chrysanthemums sold in the gardens. They come in shades of purple, pink, yellow, orange, brown, green, red, maroon and white. They do well under partial sunlight/bright light but not full sunlight. Water the soil thoroughly and do not let it dry out. Spray mist the leaves but do not spray at the blooms and remove dead flowers and yellowing leaves promptly. Most varieties of chrysanthemums do not flower in our climate but this should not deter anyone from enjoying their beauty during the festive season. Pot chrysanthemums are one of the plants recommended as indoor air-purifiers.



Azaleas
Azaleas are popular during Christmas time and Chinese New Year. They come from China with many hybrids coming from Taiwan. The Azaleas which are sold in the nurseries are mostly imported from Belgium and China. Azaleas come in shades of red, pink, white, peach and bicolours. They must be placed in bright light with no direct sunlight. Do not allow the compost to dry up and if this happens for any reason, quickly plunge the pot in a pail of water and once the compost is thoroughly wet, remove the plant at once. While it is encouraged to spray-mist the leaves of the plants, do not spray at the blooms which will cause them to wilt fast. Remove all dead flowers and leaves promptly.



Ornamental Chilli
Ornamental Chilli is a member of the Solanaceae family which includes brinjals, tomatoes, tobacco, potatoes and petunias. They are colourful plants which are best grown under good sunlight. They require regular watering and remove the dead fruits promptly to encourage new growth. Use a fertilizer specially formulated for fruits and vegetables. Spray mist the leaves regularly as hot dry air will cause the leaves to shrivel and drop. Keep an eye for red spider mites which thrive in hot and dry conditions. Never handle the members of the solanaceae family after smoking or handling tobacco as this can spread the tobacco mosaic virus. If you must really handle them, wash your hands in milk which will deactivate the tobacco mosaic virus. Handle the fruits with care as the juice can irritate eyes and skin.


Chuntoy Fatt Choy Plant

Chuntoy FattChoy plant [name given by Belle wan! not me!]

This plant is Plant of the Year 2007! nicknamed the chuntoy plant, its call chuntoy plant because the 2 balls at the bottom of the plant looks like a pair of testicle with a small trunk.

Rumors has it that if you put this chuntoy plant in your house for the coming Chinese New Year it will bring you lots n lotsa hamsap luck! Guys will be able to get laid everyfarking week and girls will also gets to moan very often also!

So whether u r not married, or married or straight or curly everyone need one chun toy plant at home!!! Its for a happier family! LOL! Make Lafu not War, remember?


[Source : Here, Here]