If Ahbeng Were Transformers

All these hype about how good how good the Transformers movie is, IS making me tulan! .. i m one of those who cant go watch now bcoz I plomised to go watch with Little Devil, so i kena wait till its not so crowded oni can go.

Then I got this Video clip from Kenny Ng after i asked him whether he wanna go watch transformer anot.

This reminds me of what autobots would looks like if Ahbeng were in control!

I presents to you, Ahbeng Transformers!!!!



And you expect Ahbeng to save the world huh? kakakakakaka!!!

When you have uncivilised neighbours

You know, living in Kolumpoh got its own disadvantages ... for instance, most of the peeple do not know their neighbours by name (peeple like me) When i see them in the morning... I just call them "Oi! amacam?" then he will answer "Ok la!" then we carry on with our busy lives.

That one kira frendly neighbour ledi u know? last time i kena one old leli neighbour (not to say i tarak respect senior citizen lar! but at least also must have some common courtesy mah rite anot?) .. shes one dem teruk mia case! her tong sampah and rubbish all put my front gate there! sommo her place mia dead leaves she sapu all to my compound and expect me to clean it for her!

If you think thats bad enuff ... wait wait!!! theres more! her compound she keep clean clean she plant rumput nice nice ... then she goan plant a farking big papaya tree on my side! She also got .... about .... 3,687 cats living with her!!! and they shat (pass tense for shit la!) all over my porch!!!

Mahai if dapat neighbour lidis can die alot faster wan!! I beh tahan her so i moved la! Luckily its all good now la, so kira my effort not wasted.

Buden today i saw this sign when i was driving downtown, the first thing that crossed my mind was that old leli! I should had done this before I move out! Kanneh why i never thot of this before??!!! At least just to make her tulan also i shiok mah! If only i saw this sign board earlier!

What sign board? haha ... see for yourself!

I think this signboard could do wonders to uncivilised neighbours! agree anot?!

Ahbengs go Golf

One day 2 Ahbengs go golfing, one is Lich Ahbeng and the other one is Poor Ahbeng, but since they are both Ahbeng so they are good frend also la.


Then Poor Ahbeng see this Lich Ahbeng got personal caddy wan ... so when they are putting he asked him lidis :

Poor Ahbeng : Wuah u got personal caddy one wor! he very good one ka?
Lich Ahbeng : Of coz! this one follow me very long ledi lor! I trained him wan!
Poor Ahbeng : Wuahh!!!
Lich Ahbeng : Come come I show u how good he is.

Lich Ahbeng then drives in a 5 foot putt then the caddy start cheering and claaping his hands like kena loteri lidat.

Lich Ahbeng : See? I told you ledi rite?
Poor Ahbeng : Wuahh!!! Ayam implessed la!
Lich Ahbeng : Implessed leh!!!
Poor Ahbeng : Eh .. then if you missed that putt how ar?
Lich Ahbeng : If i missed hor .. he will be jumping around the course lor!
Poor Ahbeng : Jumping?? Jump how far?
Lich Ahbeng : Jump how far? err ... it depends on how hard i kick 9 him on his balls la!

Of coz Poor Ahbeng is me la! I no use caddy wan ... so who wanna join us for for driving range shootout this kambing saturday at Bkt Jalil Driving Range?

I Started a Joke .. but i dont know its REAL!!!

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Note : This post is abit complex ... to be able to understand the whole thing, you kena read it in sequence. Kinda like playing detective lidat, then oni the whole post will be more suspense and you will understand what I m trying to say wan!

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Who might have thought that only after a few year this jokes were discovered? What I am toking bout? Well ... read on ...

I was checking up on my stats (yar i dem kiasu la! i everyday check my stats to see if my seo ada jalan ka tarak mia) and suddenly I saw this very new/odd search term/keyword very repeated over a couple of times from Google :

Click on the image to enlarge it

The search term is Adly Ismail, Then i ask myself ... what is that ar? why so many ppl searching for Adly Ismail wan? I got blogged about Adly Ismail before meh?

So i clicked on the keyword and see where it's leading me to :


Eh Malay Mail wor! I was wondering what would Malay mail be toking bout that is related to Adly Ismail .... then I also clicked on Malay Mail mia link which lead me to this :

Click HERE to read the full article la.

Ok .. then back in 9th September 2005 I received an email from Frostier with an attachment of this photo and after I look at it I madeup a story and this POST :

One day got one fler is calling LHDN Trengganu Branch (inkam tax dept la!) his name is ADLY ISMAIL.

This conver took place :

Adly : Boleh mintak tolong hantar aku mia Form B tak ?
LHDN staff : En. Adly boleh kasi kau mia address tak ?
Adly : O.K, just send to Ranhill Worley Sdn Bhd
LHDN staff : How to spell Ranhil?
Adly : "R for Rumah... A for Ayam...N for Nangka...H for Holland...I for Itek...and L for Lain-lain...."
LHDN staff : Ok..we'll send to that address

Skali Adly wait n wait also dint get the letter. 2 month later that letter kena reject back to LHDN. Why ? u goan see for urself lo! the letter kat bawah only.



The best part is .... there is this fler by the nick of "al-adly" dropped a comment at the end of that post saying this :

Ok la brader .. I m not 100% correct la but how weird can it be? I made up a story and its 96% correct??!!!

Conclusion is ... now only I know that not everything i wrote here are craps ... some of it are facts! lol!

who got the physical copy ar? got show the envelope pikture anot ar?

How Do Clinics Compete With Each Other?

I was meeting a client around "this" Area when I saw there is 2 clinics next to each other and one of the clinic got this signboard that says :

"CHEAPER PRICES, BETTER SERVICES, BETTER MEDICINES, LOWER PRICES, FRIENDLY SERVICES"

click on the image above for a larger image

What about "We habe Handsome-er lokter"? or "We Habe Sexier Nurses?" That would even be better rite?

I guessed time are really bad now huh? First time I see such a phenomena ... very soon we will see some signs lidis :


Free condom!!! Free Panadol and Free Cough syrups!!! Mana mau cari??!!!

AHuei the PPP Featured Blogger!

Wuah this morning check my email, skali got one mail from PPP mali wan ... i open see see got this familiar lenglui face innit ...



Wah lan eh its AHuei!!! Rojaks Daily mia resident Ahlian!!! We at Rojaks Daily mery teh happie see our geng bekam fehmes wan!!!

Read more about the article click HERE

In Rojaks Daily ... our Ahbengs and Ahlians are highly recognise wan! Got krass eh!!!

AHuei!!! Lei Duck Jor La!!!!

Who want inbite AHuei gibe tok on PPP? Kontek me ... Ayam teh manager!

This is what happened if your kid watched too much Spiderman

With the recent release of Spiderman 3 and all the billboards showing Spiderman 3 mia movie mushrooming everywhere, this is one of the many changes u can see in our little houz.

We got our own hero!! Introducing The Little Spidey!!!

Little Spidey says : Take this you baddy!!!

Little Wall Crawling Spidey

When its time for bed, Little Spidey said this to me :

Me : Alo! time to go to bed!
Lil Spidey : Ahpah, I wanna wear this to sleep.
Me : Erm .. wont that be a little uncomfy?
Lil Spidey : No, i take off the mask then its ok.
Me : You sure you wanna sleep in that?
Lil Spidey : Yes! I am super Hero!
Me : ok ok ...

* 3o minutes later ....Lil Spidey knocking on the door to my studies ....

Me : Wat ... you still awake?
Lil Spidey : Ahpah ... Hot hot!! Itchy!!! I dunwan wear this!
Me : hahahahaha!!!! go ask your mummy change for you.
Lil Spidey : I dunwan wear this to sleep anymore.
Me : I told you rite? This is not a jami (pyjama) ler.

Yes ... TV and movies really does influence a kid's mind tremendously ... therefore be selective of what you allowed your kids to watch. You dont want him to turn evil and take over the world someday rite?

OMFGBBQ! HOMER SIMPSON KIDNAPPED!!!

If you been to cineleisure lately I m sure you will find this pic looks familiar .... yea they are there to promote the upkambing The Simpsons Movie.

But will you belif me if I tell you that Homer (the fler holding the remote control) are kidnapped? No bruff you wan!


They are fanatic fans of this animation series "The Simpsons" and since they are such a TV freak they should have known that there is such a thing call cctv rite? Not to mention ski mask and fake number plate. What a Sohai!

2 sohais + 1 homer = joke of the year

18 Jun - Early this morning, staff at a leading cineplex in the Klang Valley made a surprising discovery that Homer Simpson was no longer at his seat.

Positioned together with the rest of the Simpsons family on a display couch, as depicted in the popular TV Series, Homer had apparently made an exit during the night.

Simpsons on living room couch in Movie Carnival 2007, similar to the one where Homer went missing from.

According to security video records from a shopping mall CCTV located close to the cinema, the kidnappers first scouted the area just after 3 this morning. In less than 3 minutes, the 15-kg likeness of Homer Simpson was then caught on video exiting the cinema with the pair of ‘kidnappers'.

And thats not all you know!!! They notchet kena tangkap they goan surrender!!! KAKAKAKA!!!

"The case has been solved," Petaling Jaya Central police chief Mazlan Mansor was reported as saying about the theft that was first reported by Cinema Online last Monday (18 June 2007).

The two students, who were believed to be over-exuberant fans of The Simpsons, returned the fibre-glass figure to police today, ending a caper that might as well have been an episode of the popular TV series.

The 15-kg replica of Homer holding a candy box is part of a promotional display at a local cinema in 1 Utama for the upcoming movie, The Simpsons.

It is learnt that the entire kidnap was recorded on the shopping complex's CCTV.

The cameras also caught the car's registration number which led police to the culprits, said to be "passionate fans who want to own a piece of The Simpsons before the movie opens." Police have released the suspects, pending charges.

[Source]

Kids, dont do this at home ok? and belif me when i say "they are definitely not trained professionals" .. they are just 2 drunk sohais trying to be funny but chickened out when they sober up! KAKAKAKA!!!

Alcohol will make u stupider .... dun belif u ask those 2 sohais la!!!

Wingz Can Tok!

Yes I can! but whether they understand what I m toking anot ... that i yet to know lol!

Giving a talk is a new experience to me whatmore its a talk about "Blogging" the very sensational and yet sensitive topic of today.

I was actually given 20 minutes to finish my talk and another 10 minutes for Q&A session, unfortunately I took almost 40 minutes to finish blabbling and prolly another 15 minutes of Q&A. Thank god got peeple ask me questions!!! Someone actually know what I am babbling about LOL! ok la gimme the benefit of doubt la ... I m not babling la! I am actually toking ok?! I Talked about Blogging! Terror anot?!!

This is how I imagined whats going on at the talk ....


Oh yes ... apart from the free coffee, tea, kuih and flied lice .... at the end of the talk, I was presented with this!

KEMBANG!!!

Would like to thank Nick for the invitation and a chance for me to show koli LOL! I also would like to tenkiu my 2 buddies Dale and Kenny for tagging along helping me with the projector and taking piktures, owe you guys teh tarik ok?

What did I tokED bout? I dun remember ledi la! I hope I really tokED bout blogging! LOL! Did I? If you wanna know then u inbite me to give tok la!

P.S. : Tuan Haji Nordin ... dun forget the jokes you promised to forward me ok?!

WTF?!

The blogging community alredi know long long ago (if you derno now i tell u la!) what is the meaning of WTF* [Wat Da Fark]

So, if a blogger stumbled upon this bunting below, what will he/she thinks?

The bunting says "Tae Kwon Do Class (WTF)"

I saw that bunting this morning in front of EON Bank Sg. Long and the first reaction was "WTF??!!!" LOL!

Then I think think back ... OH!!! World Tae Kwon Do Federation!!!

It all makes sense now .... now I know why last time I die die also wanna join ITF (International Tae Kwan Do Federation)

WTF rite??!!

Ahlian skin Surgery

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I am suppose to give a talk about blogging today to a group of nice peeple, somehow ... I am not feeling nervous about it ... I wonder why? Maybe i will find out the answer tonite! lol

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There is this couple, Ahbeng and Ahlian.... Ahbeng all the while not happy with his mader in law wan becos she see him no up.

Then one day Ahlian got involved in one terrible accident in her workplace where her face kena burn kaw kaw, luckily she was sent to the hospital on time and the doctor still can reconstruct her face but there is this problem ....

Doc : I can reconstruct her face but she is too skinny for me to take any skin from either part of her body ler ... I need a skin donor.
Ahbeng : Doc I give my skin!
Doc : U ka? U also skinny wor!
Ahbeng : But u can use my bekside mah! my bekside got extra skin wan leh!
Doc : hmm ok ok maybe can! come follow me do some test first.

After the test, in the ward with Ahbeng and Ahlian ...

Doc : Ahbeng we ran some test and discovered that your bekside skin is suitable for Ahlian face.
Ahlian : Bekside??? you mean buttock??
Doc : Yes.
Ahlian : Bekside skin out my face??!!! How can lidis??!!!! KENOTTT!!!
Ahbeng : Aiyah!!! u dun luen sui la! U dun tell, I dun tell ... who knows?
Doc : Yes, hospital will treat patients record with full confidential one.
Ahlian : Ahbeng u sure u wont tell?
Ahbeng : I swear! I wont tell!
Ahlian : ok then ... I will go ahead with the operation.

After the operation all their relatives were shocked to see Ahlian more younger and prettier than before ... while Ahbeng suffered for a whole bloody month unable to sit down properly bcoz of his bekside kena cut.

One day Ahlian was alone with Ahbeng, Ahlian poured her heart out to Ahbeng ...

Ahlian : Larling ar ... I know i never tell u this before and I want to tell it to you now ...
Ahbeng : Yes honey? what you wanna tell me leh?
Ahlian : I want to let u know how much i appreciate what u did for me, sacrificing your bekside and unable to sit properly for a month ... I know u did alot for me ledi and I know i owe you alot alot ledi also.
Ahbeng : Honey ar ... dunch worry leh! u no owe me anything also! Everytime I see your mader kiss you on your face, I alredi get all the satisfaction that I need alredi!

Of Healthy and Low Fat Diet

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Lunch time blogger is now Tea time blogger ledi! Wat to do la ... My job sucks and I got a family to feed still ... *sigh*

So, hows your Father's day yesday? Mine was nothing outta ordinary but still ... after 5 years of being a father I finally felt like one this year! Imagine that ... 5 yrs later oni got feel! lol

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Ahbeng is 78 and Ahlian is 75, both of them were killed in a road accident when Ahbeng fall asleep while driving.

Both of them ended up in heaven, when they arrived got one angle waiting for them ledi.

Angel : Welokam Ahbeng and Ahlian!!! I am your host for the day ... I will bring you around this place to get your both familirise with.
Ahbeng : Wuah! got tour sommo!! so nice hor Ahlian?
Ahlian : Wuah tour!!! like holiday lidat Ahbeng! I like!
Angel : It will be like holiday everyday from now on ...
Ahbeng : Tenkiu!!! u derno how long i waited for this day man!
Angel : its my pleasure ... we got everything here, you both will be staying in this oceanview condo and in the condo you can find tennis court, spa, swimming pool, golf course, shopping centers and alot more things u can do here and if you are hungry, just go into any of the restaurants and get your food.
Ahbeng : Wuah! err ... what about the money? dont we gotta pay to use all these facilities?
Angel : oh! dont worry! everything is free here!
Ahlian : WUAHH!!!

A few hours later ....

Angel : Thats about it, i just shown you all there is to know about heaven, if you have any questions feel free to call me ok?
Ahbeng : ok ok tenkiu vehlee much!

After that Angel left them ...

Ahlian : Wuah lowkung ... this is the best place i ever been to!! Best hor?
Ahbeng : BEST HOR! BEST HOR?!!!! kanneh! All because of lu lah!
Ahlian : Lowkung .... why u suddenly tulan with me wan?
Ahbeng : Kanneh! how not to tulan with you??!!
Ahlian : What I did wor ....
Ahbeng : Niahma!!! If not because of you and your what what stupid high fiber, low salt, low sugar, low fats diet .... I would be enjoying all this long long ago!!!

My Kid's First Report Card!

I derno last time (or currently) after exams and you were given your report card ... you still remember the feeling of handing over that report card to your oldman? The fear and agony ... the anxiety ... you sked your oldman will weck 9 u kaw kaw mia feeling .. phuh .... scary like fark man!!! LOL!!

As usual, the first thing i do after I fetch my kid home is to go thru his skool bag and can you imagine the look on my face when i saw a REPORT CARD!!! my kid very first REPORT CARD!! OMFGBBQ!!!!

I opened it up and this is what i saw ....

Lil Devil's first report card

I never required my kid to be super intelligent or super genuis, all I want is for him to be a normal happy, healthy kid that loves his parents and enjoyed his life as a kid.

I m one of those who will not send my kid to learn piano, violin, computer etc etc etc. at the age of 5 just because i want that. If he wanna learn that by himself then its fine but I will not force him to learn anything as there is plenty of time for that in the later, when hes older.

A talkative and active student, didnt pay attention during lesson. Should concentrate a little more on studies

So what if hes a little mischevious and hyper? hes still a kid and hes doing what a kid should do ler. Look at his teacher mia comment on him "A talkative and active student, didnt pay attention during lesson. Should concentrate a little more on studies" altho ... I do agree that he need a little bit "encouragement" in the dicipline department a.k.a. "wecking" ... (thats under my jurisdiction one!) but otherwise i think hes enjoying his life as how a 5 yrs old should be and I also dun wanna be so hard on him ... i dont mean spoiling him but I cant keep pushing him to the edge one ma! rite anot?


I do not belif/ have no faith in the old (current) education systems (the one we were taught with) anymore. I m not discouraging you kids to study, no thats not my intention (infact you need to built a strong foundation first) but with the existance of internet everything changed. It changes the way we seek knowledge too!

If you look at 40 years ago, with a SRP cert you can get a gomen officer job then in the 70s you need at least SPM cert, in the 80s you need a Diploma, Degree is essential in the 90s and now in the new millinieum Degree holders are abundant! So, whats next? Everyone kena get a Master Degree then only can get a decent job? 10 years later everyone will hafta get a Doctorate?

At what age you can come out to work and start earning money if you continue to go thru all that years of studies? 40 yrs old ar? LOL!

Now, the way I look at it .... in this era as long as you know how to read you should be able to seek the knowledge that you required. Why am i thinking like this?

Well, lets say u acquired your knowledge the conventional way, u goto college/university spent 4 years there studying IT/programming and by the time you got out what you learnt there alredi obsolete! They got newer stuffs thats replacing what you learnt in skool ledi!

20 years ago, with a 8088 computer ... I learnt FOTRAN, BASIC, DBASE and COBOL, Now, today ... how many of you know WTF is BASIC, FOTRAN, DBASE and COBOL anymore? lol! see? see? its useless!!

So, it doesnt matter if your kids got high grades in his exams anot ... exams is like a test of memory. Gifted kids with photographic memories can ace an exams without much effort but do they know how to apply it when come to real life situation?

The way i figured, in this cyber age ... the only skill you need is to be able to read, and if you need to learn any extra skills ... all you need is a PC and a phone lines and viola! you are an expert ledi!!

Think about it! I think I tok enuff labish edi ... still cant get over seing my kid's 1st report card i guessed lol!

Have a nice weekeends ok?

Booming IT industries In India and this is why!

I was having this conversation with SK yesday about him being in Mumbai and Bombay for a few month ledi, asking him how is the actual Mumbai/Bombay compares to the one i heard all the while.

Me : Eh U been travelling in and outta India this few month ... stay Mumbai so long wont die one ka? I heard the crime rate very high and there is no law one wor!
SK : No la! Petty crime is low, only organised crimes are high! They like to extorts Businessman, actors, and rich rich peeple wan.
Me : Hows their youth? I mean their mentality n all?
SK : Suprisingly their youth's social political awareness is high, they are knowledgeable, argumentative and they like to debate.
Me : How is their IT knowledge as compares to us?
SK : haha, a lot better.
SK : oh yes, they are very passionate about technology
SK : i mean those IT fella, they are very creative, very indeed! For example ... like my customer, as they have huge volume of data and they can't afford to wait (impatient i guess), they will find all ways to tweak it they are resource conscious too!

I put together all the data collected from my conversation with SK and this is the exact image that matches my thots.

[Via : ahboon.net]

If you derno whats that bicycle looking paddle is for ... its a dynamo when you cycle it will turn and therefore creates electricity.

Human Powered Notebook with WIFI!!! Truly a Green PC! Hes so creative, no wonder he can win the Employee of the month award la!

My First Father's Day Gift

I was on my way to fetch my son from dad's house when I got a call from my him ....

Dad : Where are you? Your son wanna sleep ledi.
Me : Pa, let him sleep first la ... I m on my way ledi. If he sleep jor then i carry him into the car later ok?
Dad : He told me hes tired then I asked him to go to bed, he said he dunwan ... he wanna wait for you to fetch him home.
Me : Ok Pa, I will be arriving around 15 minutes lidat.
Dad : Ok i play with him till you arrive la.
Me : Ok.

When I arrived hes peeking from the window as usual, when I got into dad's house he said to me loud loud "Ahpa! Happy Father's Day!" and then he handed me this ....

Handmade Fan made by Little Devil

This is my first Father's Day gift from my son, I am so touched I stood there for a moment totally speechless ..... I realised something at that moment, I realised that my baby is no longer a baby .... he is growing up and he know the meaning of Father's day ledi.

I Heart you Pa!

Its time lidis that make you wish your baby dont grow up so fast ... its time lidis that make you wish that you can spend more time with your kid and its time lidis that you finally realised how blessed you are to be a father.

Trust me, as a father myself I feel so happy to receive a gift from my own kid .... and I believe all father would feel the same if their kid would show them some kinda appreciation and tell them they been a good father, a provider and a good friend (not only on Father's day of coz!).

You dont hafta buy your dad expensive gifts or bring him to posh restaurants for dinner ... just a simple gesture like "I love you dad! You are the best dad in the whole world!" Would do just fine too!

Some of you might be busy with work and meetings and travelings (who dont?) ... but wherever you are, pick up the phone and give your oldman a call, that call alone is worth more than an expensive massage chair being sent to his front door. (of coz if you can buy the massage chair and call at the same time it would be better la! LOL!)

Happy Father's Day to all Fathers in the world!!!

Ahbeng The Olang Gila

One day Ahbeng were heard making a phone call .....

Ahbeng : Alo!
Mr.B : Halo, Hospital Bahagia ... Can I help you?
Ahbeng : Halo ... can you help me check n see who is in room 67?
Mr.B : Erm ... room 67 will be Mr. Chow
Ahbeng : Yala! I know Chow la! Can you goan see if he is in the room anot?
Mr.B : You mean you wanna tok to Mr Chow izzit?
Ahbeng : No la! I just want you to go and see if he is in room no. 67 anot.
Mr.B : Just see if hes there anot oni? No nid to ask him to come to the phone?
Ahbeng : Yala yala! no nid la!
Mr.B : Ok sir hold on a minit pls.

Few minutes later ....

Mr.B : I m sorry sir ... i looked everywhere in the room but I kenot find Mr Chow Ah Beng!
Ahbeng : Oh good! Confirmed I escape ledi! Tenkiu!!!

*TooTTTTT TooTTTTT TooTTTTTT TooTTTTT * (hang up phone mia tone la!)

Lady Drivers .... Becareful!

News - Robbery gang preying on women drivers

If u got read newspaper today you will realised that lately got lotsa car hijack case. Those farkers would normally bang 9 the rear of your car and make it looks like an accident lidat then when u get down to inspect the damages they will then come and weck 9 you and hijack your car.

So, the next time someone whacked the rear of your car, dont stop and get down to take a look. Drive on to go nearest police station. Dont let those farkers overtake u! My sis were once chased by farkers lidis when she realised its a trap!

If you are speeding be very certain that you dont panic or else the results could be alot more severe than losing your car.

These farkers work in group of 4 in a car, they targetting expensip cars and women driver are their favourite victim. Yesh .. unfortunately they will be armed and dangerous .... so it pays to be aware of your enviroment and to look into your rear mirror frequently to see if there is any suspicious cars following you.

If there is really no choice ... give them your car! Its only a car and its probably insured right? Always remember these farkers only wanted your car and its not worth risking your life over a blardee car ok?!

Of coz ... sometime even guys drivers are also not spared la!

Niahma! U think they will hijack kancil anot ar? I think kancil driver like me are alot safer la!

Happy Father's Day

Tech Tags: humor humour funny condom advertisement father's+day

One Ringgit!

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I evolvED .... I evolved from a midnite blogger to a lunchtime blogger edi!!! Now i m chewing on my drumstick while typing this with my oily hands ..... the price to pay to be able to put food on the table for the family. Its easier to "Cut & Paste Poem" and dedicate it to someone important!

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That day I go up north with Linpeh to Ipoh to eat Taugeh chicken lice, then on the way kambing back to KL he suddenly shouted ...

Linpeh : OI!!! STOPPTHE CAR!!!
Me : What??!!
Linpeh : STOP THE CAR!!!
Me : HERE? In the middle of nowhere? you crazy??!!! no way!
Linpeh : Stop the car or i will shit in your car!
Me : MCH!!! ok ok I stop!!! I stop!!! Stop where ?
Linpeh : There! u see the bush there?
Me : Ok ok now get the outta my car and go shit in the bush!

Linpeh jumped outta my car and run as fast as he could into the bush while i stay in the car and wait for him to finish his business ....

A few minits later my phone ring ... I see see its Linpeh.

Me : Halo! You shit that time need to chat with someone only can come out izzit?
Linpeh : Oi! Your car got tissue paper anot?
Me : Tarak! Sand paper u ngam anot?
Linpeh : Mahai dun play!!
Me : Really tarak wan leh! In my boot there really got sand paper wan!
Linpeh : Diu la! no tisue how to wipe?
Me : Err ... use leaves la!!!
Linpeh : Mch! no leaves on the ground la! if wanna use leave kea climb tree naked ledi! Lu siao ar??!!
Me : Aiyaks! lidat ... lidat ... ermm
Linpeh : Diu! Faster help me think la!
Me : OH!! use money!!! you got one ringgit anot?
Linpeh : Got! Then?
Me : Use it to wipe la!
Linpeh : Use one ringgit to wipe?? U sure can anot??!!!
Me : Can la!!! last time my relative also done something lidis before geh! trust me!
Linpeh : MCH! if you bruff me then u die!

Few minutes later I can see Linpeh emerges from the bush ... something dont seems very right, the way hes walking is somehow wrong .... so i got down of the car and asked him ...

Me : Oi your shit too hard your asshole koyakED izzit?
Linpeh : No lah! this time my shit soft soft sticky sticky one! got undigested taugeh sommo!
Me : Then why u walk lidat wan??
Linpeh : Niahma! all thanks to you la!
Me : Why me?
Linpeh : You asked me to use one Ringgit to wipe my ass lar diu!
Me : Yar ... dint that do the trick? If one ringgit not enuff then u use 2 ringgit la!
Linpeh : Mahai!!! 2 Ringgit??!! I where got so much coins??!!!

Kuala Lumpur Flashflood Again Even with Smart Tunnel!! LOL!!!

And you thot that RM2 Smart tunnel is really as "Smart" as its claimed to be huh?
So, if the tunnel is so smart then where is all these flashflood kambing from ar?
If you derno yet .... yesday (11th June 2007) got terrible flashflood in KL la!

Here is some photos from The Star .... See for yourself la!

Car stuck in the Flash flood at Jln Sultan Ismail

Jln Tun Perak

Flood level at Jalan Melaka

Car Stalled in Jalan Dang Wangi

Ground Floor of Concord hotel Parking

Dataran Merdeka

Cleaning up! The sidewalks near Campbell Complex in Jalan Dang Wangi

Mud on the road in front of Jln Masjis Jamek LRT station

[Source]

Malaysia BULL-eh!!! Visit Malaysia Year 2007 pun BULL-eh!!! Smart Tunnel BULL-eh!!!

RM4 wor! MCH free also i dunwan use la! knowing how they "sap keok" I leehly tarak confi mau use wat wat cibai tunnel also!

I derno you notice anot ... but i seen lotsa road resurfacing taking place, the last time this happens was 5 years ago!

I think they dun understand the concept of inflation la! PRice of stuffs gone up so much since the last 5 years! And what makes them think the same trick would work again? Do more lar oi! Tar Road Tar Road! thats the only thing u know how to do ka? chew!

London's fourth annual World Naked Bike Ride

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WARNING :
18SX - Small bois n girls ... go do your homework! Dun read! go play PS2 or PS3 or Wii or PSP or anything as long as u dont read this post can edi! If you die die also wanna read ... then call your mum/dad at work and ask for permission 1st ok?
Oh! and its NSFW too!

Note : NSFW means Not Safe From Work .... so, if u kena fire bcoz you read my blog at work ... u dun kam find me can?

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If you derno there is such a thing as in World Naked Bike Ride, now u know la!

No discriminations here ... they dont care if you got saggy nuts or saggy boobs all are welokam!

Last Saturday 9th June 2007 is the 4th London's fourth annual World Naked Bike Ride. Why they ride a bicycle naked? Well this is why :

UK cyclists and skaters will participate in the fourth worldwide naked protest against oil dependency. The ride draws attention to the elegant simplicity of the bicycle, highlights the vulnerability of riders in traffic and celebrates the power and individuality of our bodies. It's 'as bare as you dare', so full nudity is not required.

[Source]

They are Protesting against oil dependency and of coz at the same time that will safe the planet from all sorta "natural disasters".



Being naked is not compulsory and some of the riders even cover some "strategic body parts" with body paint. sticky tapes, leaves and other objects. But most of them do ride naked of coz!

2007 being the year with most riders taking part, does this means peeple are more of enviromental issues or its just peeple are happier to ride naked legally? You decide!

The plan is to set off at around 3.30pm, cycle around the centre of London, and finish at about 5-5.30pm. There should also be a body painting party beforehand, and a post-ride party afterwards.

[Source]

Here are some of the photos (I know u flers memang waiting for photos one la ... dun bruff la!) :













[Photos Source]


If you are staying in or around London .... I dem envy you ok??!!! If you staying in and around London and you missed this event ... you are an idiot!!! You should get all nekked and join the ride!!! *slurps*

Who want participate in this ride next year??!!! kam faster register now ... we together gether save the earth!!!

Weekend Shopping Spree and Samsung SyncMaster 732N Plus

I went to the Mines shopping center to pick up a few CDs n DVDs but ...... i derno what got into me!!! I goan burn a big hole in my pocket!!!

I swear it wasnt me!!! Somehow I kena possesed by Puter God! When i 1st saw it ... i terus fall in lafu!!! It was lafu at 1st sight!!!! No bruff you wan!!! You dun belif u see for yourself la!

Samsung SyncMaster 732N Plus ... RM 569 oni!! on Sale!!!

The color is so sharp that it can cut your eyeballs if you stare at it long long! Cant detect any lag .. dynamic settings .. high contrast and best of all would be the design! dem sleek n slim and its black!!! Phuh!!! dem stim I tell lu!!!

I check it out edi, for 17" mia LCD (within afforadable range one la!) ... either U go for Viewsonic or Samsung! I heard from many peeple, Acer sama BenQ mia ... erm ... lets just say not as good la altho they are slightly cheaper!

Technical specs of Samsung SyncMaster 732N Plus :

Viewable area Pixel Pitch (mm) Brightness(cd/x33A1)(typ) Contrast Ratio(typ) Viewing Angle(H/V) Response Time(ms)(typ)

17" 0.264 300 cd/㎡ 700:1 160˚/160˚ (CR>5) 5ms

Winner of iF design award 2007 leh! Dun pray pray!

Some of the features

Then I also found this cool looking notebook cooler! My Diao Dell Inspiron 6400 dem 9 hot if u use it to watch DVDs ... then i thot its time to get one of these fan to blow blow my notebook la ... sommo this one on sale also ... RM45 oni! Sammo dem 9 cool looking!!! mana mau cari?!!

Bulu light mia notebook cooler RM45

Its really effective (this notebook cooler) I watched 3 movies with this coller pads running and i seriously do not feel any heat on my left hand when i am reasting my arms on the notebook. It really works!

Then i got really sien backing up with CDRW and DVDRW ... dem farking slow mia! So i decided to get a external hdd so i can backup my datas fast and i can bring it around with me.

So ngam got offer also ... RM190 with USB 2.0 casing n 80gb hdd ... die die also buy la!!! mana mau cari?!!!

External HDD casing with 80gb micro hdd only for RM190!!! mana mau cari?!!!

Buy that time very song .... when wallet empty ledi then only realised it too late!!! This time jialat!!! Roti kosong right till the end of next month!!!! Thanks to compulsive Buying!!!!

Anyone got kena 4D or lottery lately? can donate some ka? Abit oni also ok ler ... can laaa!

ARGHHH!!

Rojaks Dicktionary - Diu (屌) in Cantonese

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WARNING : 18SX, under 18 do not proceed!! Prolly NSFW too! .... that also depends on whether your boss got use this word anot! LOL!

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I been constantly asked by readers in this blog to explain certain manglish words i used in my post as they have no idea what does it mean. Most of the time I would use slang or canto or hokkien which is easier to understand if you were of chinese ethnic but if you are not familiar with mandarin, cantonese or hokkien you would catch no ball la!

Anyway since I eat full no lan play ... today Im gonna teach you all the most commonly used word in Rojaks Daily ..... the word is :

Diu
Traditional Chinese: 屌
Hong Kong coinage: [門+小]
Canto: Diu
Mandarin: Diao

Diu literally means fark and it is a common profanity in Cantonese.

Now you know the meaning ledi ... lemme teach you how to use the word Diu effectively :

1.] Diu Lei (屌你) = Fark you
2.] Diu Lei Low Mow (屌你脑没) = Fark your low mow (low mow is the name of a guy) :P
3.] Diu Lei Low May (屌你老味) = Fark your low mei (low mei is the name of a girl) :P
4.] Diu Lei Erm Sang Jai (屌你唔生子) = Fark you no preggy
5.] Diu Lei Erm Duck Harn (屌你唔得闲) = Fark you no free
6.] Bay Yarn Diu (被人屌) = Let peeple fark
7.] Bay Gwai Diu (被鬼屌) = Let ghost Fark
8.] Bay Kau Diu (被狗屌) = Let Dog Fark
9.] Diu Dou Luen (屌到乱) = Fark till upside down
10.] Diu Loh (屌喽) = Fark Loh (Loh is a popular surname in chinese family) :P

Then again .... dont think Diu is all bad ... in Taiwan "Diao" is also used by young people to mean "cool". One of the Fehmes fler in Taiwan that always says "Diao" as in cool is Jay Chow.

Now ... in India, Diu has an entire new meaning! .... How izzit possible? Nvm ... I'll let the photo do the toking ok?

DiuTourism ... Ahpek's favourite kinda tour!!!

Hotels in Diu .. Resorts in Diu ... Airport also Diu??!!!

You are Welokam to Diu! (this sounded so wrong)

Yea there is really a place call Diu in Gujarat India ... no bruff you wan!!

And this is the History of Diu!

Diu is not really all bad you know? Some diu is good and some diu is very-very good it depends on how you look at it only!

Thats all the time we have for today class .... I want you all to go home and plektis what you learn today and in your everidei life ok?

Class dismiss!!