29 June 2005

How married man knows when its time to go home ?

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then asks the bartender to prepare another double martini.

After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and asks the bartender to bring another double martini.

The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The man replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

Single Black Female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.

True Ad in Melbourne Paper

The following advertisement in the Melbourne Age is reported to have received numerous calls:

Single Black Female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.

I am a very good-looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the bush, riding in your ute, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours.

Call xxxxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy.

Over 5,000 men found themselves talking to the RSPCA about an eight week-old black Labrador Retriever puppy........

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27 June 2005

3 Days and Counting ......

Today is the 3rd day, my fever just wont go away no matter what i done. Been to our family Doc at around 8:30 pm and were told to do a blood test and the fever still did not subside by tomlo I M DOOMED~!!!!! they gonna admit me and put me on drips !!!! ARGHHH!!!!

The plaster they put on my hand after they suck my blood out with a needle.

If you guys notice, on the left hand panel of myblog, i'd put some advertisement which initially were setup becuase i thot i wanna use the fund generated by the advertisements to buy my own domain but i think now i need my to use it to cover my own medical expenses more. .... I think blood transfusion is very costly .... *sigh*

25 June 2005

GEORGE W BUSH Speaking Hakka Video !!!!

BUSH were giving this speech in Hakka about China and USA's future relationship.

Subtitle "Kok Wooi Haw, Kin Niah Sin Moon Bao Cow Tee. Ngai Heh BUSH.

Mui Ket Tah Chung Ket, Chung Ket Tah Mui Ket.

ChungKet Tah Tau Mui Ket Liew Sai Pee Hat, Ngai BUSH Kong Tiow Niah Mah Chew Chee Pet, Erm Tet Erm Tet."

Huh ? why subtitle knot be in hakka one ? i never say my subtitle is in Yingrish also ! LMAO!!!


OK la since many tarak understand Hakka i will make a hakka-yingrish subtitle for you all lar, here goes :

"Everybodi good, now is news time and I am Bush.

Amalika attack China, China Attack Amalika,

China attack Amalika untill Amalika nose bleed, Me Bush Say "Throw your mader smelly shows (translate that into canto pls)" knot knot! "

nah ... i hope now you can get a better pikchures of what Bush is saying :P


I was so suprised I was there all the while but nobody, ABSOLUTELY NOBODY (except Jeff Ooi) noticed me or mentioned anything about me in their blogs AT ALL!!!!

I PURPOSELY printed my blog's name "ROJAKS" on my vest for easy identification but, no one come to say "HI" to me also .... *cham cham*

So I sat at the far korner the whole nite all by myself *sniff sniff* I know I am not a fehmes blogger la ... wat to do .... life is lidat lor ... *sigh*

If you dont belif me! I got pichure to prove it!!! :P

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Tenkiu Jayelle for sending me my only pichure taken at the party.

24 June 2005


Rumours has it that the night of the PPS BASH Award itself after KENNYSIA were announce as the winner, several agents form UNIVERSIA STUDIOH approached the man himself right after he receive his award to offer him a movie deal.

According to Mr.Bluebird (my needle/informant) the name of the movie is 007 ½ agent SPYHARD. Its a Action comedy movie and will also will co-star anoder Fehmes blogger Jayelle as the heroine. Talks to close the deal is underway as I am typing this.

Mr. Bluebird also managed to sneak some info to me via his wifi enabled Spy Cam as prove that we are not taking you guys for a ride!

Oh WOW! I am so looking forward for this Movie !!!

If you dont belif me, you see for yourself la !!! Bluff you for what ?!

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23 June 2005

Winner of the PPS BASH AWARDS!!!

Its official now! I present to you the Winner of the PPS BASH BLOG AWARDS!!!!

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Blog of The Year Award goes to KENNYSIA !!!!

Neophyte Blog Of The Year goes to SIMON !!!

Ping Of The Year goes to Jeffooi!!!

My Heartiest Congratulation to all Winners!

Many Thanks to YP for the sms updates she sent me.

Anita WHAT ??? Anita Kwok !!

A little background before i go any further. Terry Broadhead is my business partner in Australia, he was here (in Malaysia) mid May looking for some new products.

Hes the kinda guy who sticks on to his own kind back in Australia and Im the only chinese friend he got so far, and he do not like chinese food either!

We arrived at Batu Pahat at around noon and upon our arrival we are greeted by Mr Lam, and so we went thru the usual boring stuffs, drive around the huge factory in a golf cart looking the manufacturing processes.

The tour lasted about an hour and we were invited to the meeting room on the second floor. As we walked into the stairscase leading to the meeting room there is this huge sign "PLEASE TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES" and since Terry arent used to our customs, he told me he wanna take a leak while he still have his shoes on bcoz he dont wanna use the toilet upstairs bare footed. I did not stop him for i do not wanna explain to him why they want us to take off our shoes in front of Mr.Lam.

"You guys go ahead, I'll catch up when im done" says Terry. So, me and Mr.Lam proceed to the 2nd floor and there is where i was introduced to Ms.Anita Kwok (a very pretty lady) shes the head of the export department. While waiting for Terry, Mr.Lam takes this time to show me some of the new products developed by them, which is just next to the meeting room. Ms. Anita did not come with us prolly shes waiting for Terry.

At that time Me and Lam were too busy talking to ourself cracking jokes and out of a sudden Terry walks in from behind, and this conversation takes place :

Terry : Hey! there you are.
Me : What took you so long? come here lemme introduce you to the lady next door
Terry : I already met her
Me : You did ?
Terry : Yea, i think Asian lady is HOT! she got a thing for me!
Me : What kinda crap ya talking about ?
Terry : Im serious! she was very straight forward.
Me : WTF ???
Terry : She walked right up to me, offered me a handshake and said "Hi! I need a cock, nice to meet you.
Me : WHA... ???!!!
Terry : Yea you heard me right! i couldnt believe it at first, i asked her again "I need a what ?" she told me "COCK!"
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Anita Kwok, Nice to meet you! :)

Me : OMFG!!! you are fucking crazy! thats her name ANITA and KWOK is her surname you pervert!
Terry : OMFG!!! how am i suppose to know ??!!! you chinese do have weird names!!!
Me : Yea tell me bout it Mr.Broadhead!

At the end of the day we got ourself a good luff out of this whole thing, luckily Terry didnt get slap by Anita LOL!

Moral of the story : If your surname is Kwok and you are a girl, please dont call yourself ANITA ok ? those qweilos dont understen wan !!!!

A Lawyer, His Brand New BMW and .........

A very successful lawyer parked his brand new BMW in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along, too close to the curb, and completely tore off the driver's door of the BMW.

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The counsellor immediately grabbed his mobile phone, dialled 999, and it wasn't more than 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His BMW, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "My God, don't you even realise that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!"

"My God!" screamed the lawyer........... (GUESS WHAT THE LAWYER SAID?) .............
[Scroll down for the answer]
(Scroll down) C'mon! Guess what he said after that......
Be patient !! scroll down Lagi Lagi!!!...........
"OH NO!!! Where's my ROLEX !!!!????"

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*Sometime human are just so blinded by the materials they owned till they neglected what really matters in life, this goes especially for city folks. Agree ?

To those whois going to the PPS Party, Have a nice time and take lotsa pikchures for us to see!!!

21 June 2005

Ze Bezt of HK Cuisinez - My First Food Entry

Father's Day dinner at Elegant Inn Connaught

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It was Saturday, when i was told to try the food out in this restaurant. Its located along Jln. Cannought, unfortunately I do not have their full address but nx time when i go there again I will update this entry ok ? The name of the Fantastic Restaurant is "Elegant Inn"

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This is the starter, its consist of jelly fish, Deep fried Silverfish with Brinjal and Nam Yue Chicken Wing, The Deep Fried Silverfish were simply outta this world!! no one word can describe it! SUPERLICIOUS is not even near! Same goes to the Nam Yue Chicken Wing also. You should try it to understand what da fark i m trying to say here!

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This is the Sweet n sour pork, my niece called it pig ball lol! anyway according to the ladyboss the meat are from the face of the pig rolled up like a ball and deep fried, the end result ? crunchy on the outside but very good meat texture in the middle, simply fantastic!

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Stir fried LALAs (clams) with ginger and spring onions

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Thats LALA!(clam) as huge as 50sen coin! never in my life i seen such a LALA as big as this!! *slurps*

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The LALA is super fresh! the meat is elastic and juicy, the sweetness of the LALA mix with the ginger and spring onion flavor ....*MAMAMIA~~~~* .... you only will know how it taste like if only you were there.

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There is a HUGE glass panel for you to look at how the chef is preparing your meal and how clean their kitchen is, so you can eat with confident.

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This is not a huge restaurant, the whole place can only accomodates 7 tables comfortably. According to the lady boss they arent those big restaurant that will caters for hundreds of tables, their concept is quality of the food and customers service. Needless to say they did a great job on both.

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I think i prefer to call this some kinda home cook style restaurant as compares to those Big Ass one like Tai Thong or Overseas n aders alike. The enviroment is cozy and not too noisy, you can still talk at your normal tone without raising your voice. There are no children runnign around screaming their lungs off (aparts from mine). Overall I think this is Ze Bezt Reaztorant I'd been to this year !!!

: 9 mamamias
Non Halal
Price : Not Cheap

20 June 2005

Down with Toothache!!!

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I cant blog, my farking toothache is killing me !!! gonna be missing for a few days *BUMMER!*

19 June 2005


About 2 months ago, while we are doing some groceries shopping at Jusco, I was approached by one of the salesperson whois doing a survey for Durex (yea the condom company). I was told that i would get a pack of 6s condom free if i were to participate in this survey, i looked around and saw Mrs.Wingz were busy trying out some new shoes, i guessed why not since i got nothing better to do right ?

So they asked me some questions which i cant really rememeber what anymore and we hafta fill in a form giving them our particulars before they would hand me the pack of free condoms. I purposely did not wanna fill in my cellphone number in the form bcoz i dont want them to call me at work especially when im in a meeting to listen to someone telling me some condom stories!

I handed in the form without my cellphone number but the girl told me that i am required to fill in that particular detail if i would wanna get my CONDOMS!!!

ok since i really wanted those free condoms i hafta give in. I put down my cellphone numbers and when Im done i hand over the form to them again and in exchange the girl gave me of a box of 6s' Durex. I got this.

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Tropical Flavor!!! Kinky !!!

I do remember this, there is a section in the questionaire that you are required to pick the brand of condom you usually use.The choices are Durex, Playboy, Pleasure plus and a few aders brand which i dont remember at all.

So, that was 2 months ago ... this morning I received a SMS message at 12pm. That bloody sms wokes me up!!! its fathers day and i am suppose to be sleeping till 7pm darnit !!!!

So i get out of bed to look at who da fark would dare to wake me up at time lidis .... this is what i read :

A Father's Day message brought to you by the award winning condom in USA - DUREX! :

To all those who used or uses our competitor's products all these while, HAPPY FATHER's DAY !!!! "

I was laughing so hard Mrs. Wingz rushed into the room thot i got stroke or something, I show her the sms and got scolded by her ... *ish!* its father's day ok ? you are not suppose to scold me !!! :P

To my dad, Mr. Belacan, RG, PAPI, others bloggers who also happened to be a dad, and to all the fathers in the world ... Happy Father's Day may god bless us all with great and healthy children :)

17 June 2005

EVIL ME !!! The Campaign

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Since today is the last day of voting i wanna tell u all a secret, this UNconfirmed secret is being told to me by a Bluebird (LamCiao in hokkien) in PPS.

My source (Mr. BlueBird) told me that the PPS owner Mr. Aizuddin Danian has been secretly planning a BIG suprise announcement during the PPS Birday party bash, its actually about The Grand Prize for the Blog Of The Year Award (BOTY) winner, they got an additional BIG PRIZE to it! aparts from the free t-shirt and the free 1 year hosting valued at RM50.00 ......

This Mr.buluBluebird also risked his life to obtain this photograph which i am gonna show you in a little while.

Before that, lets have a look at the finalist of the BOTY Award, they are in no particular order :

Brand New Malaysian

I think hor ... this Grand prize is more useful to Viewtru and Brand New Malaysian rather to KennySia ler ... becoz KennySia is gonna kahwin with Xiaxue and move to Singkapoh ... i think he knot bring this prize to be used in Singkapoh also ..... :P anden if he bring this prize to Singkapoh hor sure you kena bully like siow one ... you know lar SingkapohLians all want branded stuffs one geh .... normal ler ... kiasuism mah hehehe ...

Ok la ok la .... i dunwan bikin u all suspense ledi la .... *drumrolllllll*


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Its a Second hand Wira 1.5 Auto with Half a Year of Lodtax and Insuren Remaining, SEPONSERED BY PPS! PLATE NO. PP 5 !!! WUAHHH!!!

Eh ... Actulee I made up the entire story ok ? I see you all so tenseD ledi bcoz of the competition so sengit among all those Big Shot Bloggers, so i thot i kasi u all suspense more and also help u all to destress also lar - In a Nutshell, ITS A JOKE LAR!!! *GRINS*

ppssttt.... write some comment laaaa!!!! nobody comment is like toking to walls lidat one you know ??? *sigh*

16 June 2005


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My oh my .... what had i gotten myself into this time ????

15 June 2005

SPG Singapore !!!

If you think that this post is about the SPG blogger who was in the singapore/malayisa news pehpah a few days ago. MAN! are you in for a suprise! this SPG i m gonna tok bout is SINGLE PARENTING GROUP in Singapore!!!!



I tried to seach for infos like this in Malaysia for a reader of mine but it seems that we do not have this kinda support group here! so the nearest i can goto is Singapore lorr ..... below are a few links to it ... hope it helps :)




*P.S. : to those who came here hoping to find any information related to the famous SARONG PARTY GIRL pls tell me you are smilling now *grins* Cheers lar wei !!! knot take a joke meh ???!!! :oP

hiaz hiaz hiaz .... :o)

*selfnote : why ar sardenlee this SPG very hot isu ? *duh*

14 June 2005

Goods sold are not Returnable ?? Know your Rights!

After a while i know you will get sick with all my jokes, therefore today i wanna write about something more to the serious side of me. I wanna talk about :

Legal Issue on Contract Law in Malaysia

This is something I like to share with you from one of my seminar recently. It was conducted by A/P Catherine Tay on Legal issues in Ecommerce.

Notice that most of the time, the receipt/invoice you received from the merchant / hypermarket carries this exclusion clause or similarly worded statement: "Goods sold are not returnable" or "No refund once sold"

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The thing that I have learnt from her is that : "As long as your good is purchased for personal / home use and not for business (ie. to be resold), the above exclusion clause is VOID. That means, as long as the good is defective, regardless of what is worded, you CAN get back all your money spent. You do not have to accept a repair on the good or an exchange. You CAN ask for a refund. AND its LEGALLY right and entitled to! What a relevation!! And most of the time the merchant will refuse to return you your money.

Her advice?

From her own experience (and no less than 7 and all successful!), she will threaten the merchant with four words: "SEE YOUR FUCKING FACE IN COURT!" hahaha ok ok i made that up! thats six (6) words!

The court here refers to the Small Claims Tribunal Court.
However, you don't have to tell them what court! All you have to pay is $10 admin fee and the loser (the merchant) will have to refund you the money PLUS the admin fee! She shared this with us because she felt that even educated people are cowed by such unfair wordings (which include her jaded friends who are not lawyers).

Pls try not to let the merchant fleece you the next time you have a defective good. And, I know where to file this. On the 16th floor of Putra Place (The Mall opposite Putra World Trade Centre). The form cost RM5.00. The Tribunal will settle within 2 months periods.

Now, since you know how to sue someone for RM5.00 ledi .... please dont use this method to sue me lerrrr !!! LMAO!!

Aging & Sex

You know being in my 30's and all keeps me thinking, what would sex be like in anoder ..... let's say 20 or 30 years down the line ?

Will everything will "STILL" be working as it is, OR certain kinda "AID" will be required to help the process. One thing for sure, we are alot luckier than those before us bcoz now we got Vitamin "V" - Viagra, that will certainly make a different LMAO!

Hey! Im definitely not "THERE" yet ok ? trust me! Anyway thanks to an email sent to me by a friend of mine I am beginning to have some kinda phobia towards growing old .... Look at it yourself.

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One of these days even Viagra couldnt do you any Justice anymore, so you could only turn to your good old rusty walking stick to impress your chick!

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OK OK, maybe an OVERDOSE of Viagras will do you justice but still your hearing would have given up on you, and instead of moaning you will hafta shout at each other! Imagine this!


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Anden your brain is also playing tricks on you, you tends to forget over the time, things are NOT where they used to be anymore. So you always search at the wrong place and it took you quite a while to be able to find the stuffs that you were looking for ......

Darn! I wish I would never ever grow old! :P

13 June 2005


-WARNING - Due to the Graphic nature of this entry, those who are easily offended while viewing gross contents, please do not proceed.




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Welokam to the World of ROJAKS Belif It Anot! Pasti ada "Umphhh!" :)

12 June 2005

Jackie Cheung's Concert - A Day to Remember

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The date were 23rd April 1999, I had always been listening to Jackie song perhaps since 1986. Being able to see him perform in front of my eyes were a dream came true for a trubkue fan like me. I still remember that day I arrived at Bukit Jalil Stadium as early as 3pm for an 8pm concert! Boy! am I excited!

Stadium Bukit Jalil was more crowded than the time the Commonwealth games were held here. Everyone is found eager to see Jacky in action. Even for the most expensive ticket, we to have to queue up in sardine-like situation for about half an hour. This picutre is one of the starting sequence for the concert. His first song of the nite is Release yourself (sik fong ji gei")

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Maybe many of us dont realise that Jacky can play guitar. Well trust me he can! He played his own guitar when he sang the song Release yourself and several others song too! He told us that he felt more stylish and handsome with the company of a guitar.

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I guessed the reason why I admire him so much has something to do witht he fact that hes the one of the few HK singer who can really sings, others are just selling their face or their sense of fashion, not to mention some of the butcher's doters who is selling "FRESH FLESH!"

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His life performance were astounding, its flawless and to a plain guy like me, its almost CD quality! I dont go to lotsa concerts but i was really impressed by this one!

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Hes really a multi talented singer, he had done most genre R&B, Country, Rap, ROCK, JAZZ, unplugged and many more.

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Beside being a successful singer, he is also a down to earth family guy too. During the concert, he showed us a video clip about him and his wife (law mei mei).

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It starts from the time they were still babies and untill they got married and "pak tao dou lou". May they live happily ever after

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According to other singers who had worked together with Jacky before, they claim that he is a very pleasant person to work with, as he is always willing to share and unlike other singers

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I could think of this and smile to myself, its had been almost 6 years now but still i really enjoyed every seconds of the concert. Heis one great singer! what else can i say ?

Anybody else is at the same concert at that night ?

Hey I managed to get his signature ok ? :P

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Washroom's Poets - a Rare Traits

I must say I enjoy reading a good peom, throughout my life i seen numerous toilet grafitti around the world and i note down a few that I think which is really good to look at while you are either taking a dump or pee-ing, either way its entertaining while you are at it ! :)

Poem no.1 to 5 are all found in the same toilet written on the back of a toilet door in UK, enjoy reading it!

Poem 1
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Poem 2
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted

Poem 3
You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shit my pants!

Poem 4
I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.

Poem 5
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and stink,
But I come here to scratch my balls,
And read the bullshit on the walls...

Poem 6 (in a Toilet in Sg)
We aim to please!
You aim too! Please!

11 June 2005

My Fav AhBeng Jokes collection

Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Ah Beng : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Ah Beng : "Give me a green one, please "


Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job. He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.
Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected"
He is not sure of the question. After much thought, he writes " Yes "


Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.

Ah Beng : "What is that shiny object ?"
Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
Ah Beng : "What does it do ?"
Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" Ah
Beng : "I'll buy it"
The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermo flask
Boss : "What is that shiny object ?" Ah Beng : "It's a thermos flask."

Boss : "What does it do ?"
Ah Beng : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Boss : "What do you have in it !?"
Ah Beng : "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"


After taking photocopies of documents,
Ah Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.


Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks god is taking his picture.

Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it. When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command after some tries. Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng : "I press the 'F1' key for help ah but it's been over half an hour & still nobody come and help me Lah ?!"

Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring Lah - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear Lah"
"Oh dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ... what happened to the other ear ?"
Ah Beng answered : "That stupid dumbo called again Lah !!!!"


Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.

Operator : "JUST A MINUTE..."


After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time,
Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Ah Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.

At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng's left tells the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE", and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR ?"
Ah Beng replies : "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED Lah"

10 June 2005

Its Not What You Think It Is!

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Translation : If you eat here hor, you not only get good delicious food but you will also get a lotsa "kentut" also

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Translation : NO! its not the blowjob you are thinking about !!! Shame on you!!!!

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Note : The icon looks more like a Porn shop icon more than a Dentist icon huh ?

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Translation : If you wanna get prompt attention in this dobi all you need to do is to drop your pants!

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Note : Ok Ok I know what you thinking, its not MEGAFUCKS! it is MEGAFLICKS. They really should have used another type of fonts.

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This is my Favourite : Any Person (except players) Caught Collecting Golf Balls on This Course will be Prosecuted and have Their Balls Removed. a Msg to KENNYSIA : Pulez dont go anywhere near that golf course!!! they will remove your "coconuts" !!!

8 June 2005

Most MeaningFOOL Label's Instructions

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On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
( HAHAHAHAHA!!!! MAN they are good!)

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On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)

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On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how??...)

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On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion. Youn dont hafta defrost it if you dont want to :))

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On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, if you see this warning then its a bit late, sigh*!)

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On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

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On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)

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On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery
after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

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On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and... I'm
taking this because???....if dont make me feel drowsy i also wont take lar oi!!! sohai mia anak!!! )

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On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)

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On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

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On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

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On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)