28 July 2006

Credit Card Centers and Automated Voice Messaging System

If you have a credit card and tried calling the credit card center for information, you would know how annoying it is listening to their bloody irritating automated voice messaging system.

You would have to press a few dozens numbers and made multiple choices before you would get to speak to a real human being. Calling a credit card center in Malaysia is both time consuming and stressful.

Well yesday I found this item in my credit card statement and I m unsure what is it for, so i called the credit card center in hope they could provide me with the information as to what had been charged to my account fearing my credit card were being fraudED.


It took me a good 20 minutes of answering stupid automated questions and being put on hold before i could finally speak to a real person. Obviously I m not very pleased with this kinda *service* provided by the bank, especially when its kambing from a very reputable big international bank, while i am being put on hold and listening to "All our operators are currently busy, please hold and we will attend to your call shortly" ..... suddenly this idea strikes me!

You know, at time when you are getting calls from your credit card company *reminding* you that your payment is overdue? Well automated messaging system is a way to get back at them!

Just imagine this :

Your credit card payment is overdue by 30 days and your frendly credit card company decided to give you a call reminding you when you should remit your payment and how much you shud pay but only to find himself doing this ;

Hello! Thank you for calling Mr. Hansem Wingz,

Please select one of these options:-
Please press 1. for Russian
Please press 2. for Tagalog
Please press 3. for Hainam
Please press 4. for Tamil
Please press 5. for Hisdustan
Please press 6. for Bahasa Malaysia
Please press 7. for Jabpenis
Please press 8. English
Please press 9. Dan Lain Lain

*Lets say he chosen no.8 then proceed to the next level*

Next Response and options :-
Press 1. if you are my frend
Press 2. if you are my sampat mader in law
Press 3. if you are a annoying non-stop toking telemarketer
Press 4. if you are my wife
Press 5. if you are calling the wrong number
Press 6. if you are the Piao mei I met yesday nite
Press 7. if you are Linpeh
Press 8. if you are a Linpeh look alike
Press 9. if you are an idiot calling from the credit card company

*Obviously his choice would be no.9 since hes calling from a credit card company*

Next Response and options :-
You are calling because :
Press 1. if you wanna promote your new useless and crappy insurance plan to me
Press 2. if you wanna grant me a free gift for being a loyal customer
Press 3. if you wanna ask me to subscribe a new supplementary credit card for my spouse
Press 4. if you wanna tell me that my card is being fraud
Press 5. if you wanna increase my credit limit
Press 6. if you wanna ask me to purchase your suey/cilaka credit shield plan
Press 7. if you wanna offer to me your very high interest loan on phone program
Press 8. if upgrade my card from classic to platinum for free
Press 9. if you wanna remind me of my late payment

*Since hes calling you to remind you of your late payment he would choose option no.9*

Next Response :-
DIUNIAHMAH!!! CALL WHAT LANCAU CALL??!! .... NEVER DIE BEFORE IZZIT? YOU WANT ME PEK 9 YOU HAMKAHCHAN ANOT? YOU WANT ME TO SEND PEEPLE GOAN BURN 9 YOUR HOUSE AND RAPE 9 YOUR DOG IZZIT??!!!

Tenkiu for calling Wingz automated voice messaging system. To avoid yourself from being cursed again, please refrain from calling back anytime soon ... tenkiu and have a nice day!



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22 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
    this is the best original idea used back on credit card jokes!!!! if i had 10 thumbs, 10 thumbs up!

    wingz. i proposed u design that automatic voice msg then sell to many ppl..sure rich!!!

    hahahaha..omg..i can't stop laughing

    ReplyDelete
  2. I mau join venture sama lu mya business boleh kah? Use my voice lah, sure torture all the callers wan. Even yr mader in law also won't call liao. Hahaha.

    ReplyDelete
  3. =p you r funny!
    this automatic voice msg system is really annoying some times... no no..i mean all the times..=p

    ReplyDelete
  4. ha ah aha ah ha ha aha ha hha ah aha ah ha ha aha ha ha ha ah aha ah ha ha aha ha ha ha haha haa ha haha ah aha ah ha ha aha ha ha ha haha ah aha ah ha ha aha ha ha ha haha ah aha ah ha ha aha ha ha ha haha ah aha ah ha ha aha ha ha ha haha ah aha ah ha ha aha ha ha ha ha

    ReplyDelete
  5. hahahhahah, veli funny....

    I normally do it in two ways:

    1) Call middle of the nite, the normally they answer the call faster than normal hrs.

    2) I never make the choice, just hold w/o pressing any button, the machine will repeatly ask you to make a choice, after 3 or 4 times, the machine will say " We will transfer you to the customer service. Normally, the rep pick up the phone right away :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Good idea bradder! Automated Voice Messaging not only wasting time but also wasting our money. I wonder did they pakat with telecommunication company to make it such way and they earn some komisen from the call cost? Just like SMS voting la... in the end who earns more?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Another business plan from Hensem Wingz (kononnya)

    But then, ur automated stil not long enough to drag till 30minutes. Add some ques: Have you eat?! Have you shit?! etc

    Gerenti, no ppl will call u ar..But then make sure u create a hidden shortcut for ur bini..Wait u go home, bini 'automated' u

    ReplyDelete
  8. Btw, hv anyone tried LP's solution 2. Dun press any thing then will transfer to CSE (Cust Serv Exec)

    ReplyDelete
  9. ya lor u create ur own voice msg then ur mader in lauyat oso wont call u... :)

    what i hate was they put a stupiak musik when they onhold ur call...

    ReplyDelete
  10. kakaroct8:42 am

    HAHHAHAHA...MCH good one good one!!!
    *claps claps*

    ReplyDelete
  11. bwahaha..... but i throw away all my credit cards oredi..
    woowee very happy now.. no need to live on credit anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This is good !! I have the same problem with the bank..
    Ci la kak punya bank!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. If you venture into this answering machines business, I be your Manager can?

    ReplyDelete
  14. haha.. sampat mother in law..

    u very kau pok ah!

    ReplyDelete
  15. mirror : Original lehhhh!!!

    5xmom : wuah if use your voice hor ... those hamsap ahpek will keep calling in to hear your voice ler lol

    ming : thanks but no use also ... u alredi in lafu with kennysia liow lol!

    pisang : -_-""

    lp : I tried no.1 but never did managed to try no.2 ... maybe will give it a shot later!

    kennyng : ya la maybe these farkers got komise from telco company if we call them wan.

    youngbrat : i lazy mau type till its enuff to delay him for 30 mins ler but u get the drill la .... I also never try the no.2 option mentioned by LP, u think it will work ar ?

    ahnel : why lauyat ar??

    kakaroct : tenkiu tenkiu

    ahpek : u rich man dont use credit kad one mah .. we poor man kena bayar bulan bulan what ?

    sming : u send your banglas go burn the bank laa

    aceone : u mau injecct how much into my new venture jek??

    spiller : sshhh not so loud!!! later she hear me!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. had the same problem as u, call them to enquire something hv to go through all that crappy voice operator. In the end you dont get your question answered coz u waited too long and u too tulan to wait anymore.... and your phone bill running... TNS...

    ReplyDelete
  17. i be your marketing exec for tis system lah.

    ReplyDelete
  18. to lengchai wingz:
    =p how u know i'm in luv with kenny the sia? haha..
    anyway, i love rojak..i mean love eating rojak..the penang one of cos..=p

    ReplyDelete
  19. Phooiyo! 18sx.
    Have to put filter at early stage to protect kids who innocently call you lah, Wingz

    ReplyDelete
  20. oh yes!!!! you're absolutely right!! i love this post.. hilarious..

    ReplyDelete
  21. good post..
    interesting..
    add oil!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I'm bursting with laughter! Hahaha You're so smart to invent such things like in a TV show!

    ReplyDelete

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