29 April 2005

MonaliSia, MonaliSia, Man have named you

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The Fehmes Monali"SIA"
Source : kennysia + google

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I nid a break~ Im gonna get one~~~ BRB!*

28 April 2005

Petaling St. BRA Trader

Once there is a stage in my life where most of my available time were spent in Petaling Street extorting protecting getting to know the community there real well. Me and the rest of the geng will start patrolling walking around from 4pm onwards. Our job is to make sure others touts dint crossed into our territory and bikin havoc. Sometimes we also nid to settle some qweilos who bikin heboh at the stalls after they felt they are being cheated.

After a few weeks of lepak-ing kat Petaling St. I managed to make frend with this particular AhBeng, lia mia nama is AhLee, hes bout my age at that time and his parents owns a stall in Petaling St. Selling BRAS, hes a very well known figure in Petaling St. back then bcoz of his expertise. And bcoz of this also hes given a nickname by flers traders in Petaling St., his official nick name is AhLeeBRABRA.

Lemme tell you how he get this nick, he got this gift of being able to tell wat size and cup you are wearing by just one look, he would even suggest what kinda cup shape would be more comfy and most of the customers will agree to his choice. Thats how he get his nickname.

So, one rainy day where business is not so good and everyone is free bcoz there is no customers, we happen to stop by his stall and had a lil chat with him. He then told us.

AhLeeBRABRA : oi oi u wanna see the latest bra design anot ?
Me : What ? see bra only ar ? Erm-moi lar!
AhLeeBRABRA : Got model wearing the bra one wor!
Me : Got Lenglui ?! OK OK, where ? show show!
*AhLeeBRABRA proceeds to take some photos from underneath his counter*
AhLeeBRABRA : Nah u see for urself la!!! this season this new design very HOT in YAPUN one!

Pls. Refer to the Pics below to see whats HOT!

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TangLung Bra, auspicious during Pat-Yuet-Sarp-Em
(Mooncake festival)

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Durian Bra, ngam for those whose bf got itchy hands
and keep wandering around without approval one

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Coconut Bra, ngam for enviromentalist, recyclable
and enviromental friendly

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Chinese Chopstick and Bowl Bra, Highly appropriate
during CNY reunion dinner! Auspicious for businessman!

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Seliper Yapun Bra, recomended for those who
fits the criteria for a perfect airport runway.

Me : *Lau Bei Huet*

27 April 2005

Bush Released Monica ?

One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He
immediately goes to ... hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have
no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what
I'm going to do. I've got some folks here who weren't quite as bad as you.

I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.

I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room.
In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and
surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

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"No," George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't
think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Richard Nixon with a sledge
hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer,
timeafter time after time.

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"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony
if all I could do was break rocks all day" commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the
floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread
eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

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Bush took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yea, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go, Bush is taking over your place!


25 April 2005

a pinjamED Entry

Was blog hopping just now and found this nice joke entry by dracolshian so i thot i share it with everyone who need a boost before you start your day!

There was once a customs officer guarding at the border between US and Mexico. One day, a young man tried to ride a bicycle across the borders with a heavy sack on it. He was stopped abruptly by the officer.

Officer: Hey, you! Stop! Let me see what's in the sack.

So the man opened it and the officer found sand in the sack. So, he let the young man go. The next day, it was the same man again. And the same thing happened. There was only sand in the sack. Again, the officer let the young man cross over. This happened day after day, for 10 years until the officer retired.

One day, the retired officer met the young man at a restaurant in Mexico and they sat down for a talk.

Officer: Hey, now that I've retired, you can tell me what have you been smuggling all these years in the sack. Come on, tell me. I won't tell anyone.

Man: I haven't been smuggling anything in the sack. *pause for a while* I've been smuggling the bicycles.

Officer: ....

Permalink : http://dracolshian.blogspot.com/2005/04/different-version-of-sua-ku.html

Many thanks to dracolshian


Click on the above image to enlarge

Manglish Translation:
- Got one fler KentutED while having surgery and cause his kkc and chuntois kena burnt. The fler age is 30 over oni, he wanna remove his buntut mia taik lalat, itu masa itu lokter pakai itu lektri mia pisau, lokter baru mau potong oni he ter-kentutED pasal lia mia kentut kena itu pisau mia spark and api kluar lepas tu lia mia chuntois and kkc alredi soakeing wet with flamable mia alchohol so his "tools" also terbakar.

The fler also saman-ing the hospital also said "when i wokeup, my kkc and chuntois very panas and ader than the pain i also knot make lafu to my wife ledi". Then the fler in hopsital pulak said "itu kita olang manyak soli, bukan kita olang mia pasal"

- End of translation -

22 April 2005

Kai Jing (Essence of Chicken)

Caution : 18SX - Not for minors. Parental Advisory, Explicit content!

Kai Jing (Essence of Chicken)

AhKit is only 18 yrs old and hes one horny basket (Chicken worm) and is not sure what to do about it. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a five Linggit . AhKit walks down the street to the Rumah Tumpangan KiewKiew (Chowkit Branch) and knocks on the door. The mamasan opens the door and asks AhKit, “Budak apa mau ?”. "I'm really horny but I only have RM5. What can you do for me?” AhKit asks the mamasan. She looks at AhKit and said, "Don't worry lahhh we can kautim for you one. No poblem."

She bawak AhKit into this room where in the opposite corner is a chicken. AhKit thinks about this for a second and figures it can't be that bad. He gives the mamasan the RM5 and closes the door behind her. With the eagerness of a young teenager he quickly undresses.

Once naked, AhKit tarak Buangmasa and starts to hantam the ayam. As soon as AhKit developes a rentak he starts to enjoy himself very muchi!. He and the ayam really go at it for a while until all that built up frustration is finally released. AhKit can't remember when he has had such a pleasurable Sexperience.

One week later, and hamsups again, AhKit has saved up RM10.Being a satisfied customer he goes back to the same mamasan and asks what she can do for him for RM10.

"Well for RM10 we have spesel show for lu", the mamasan replies. She leads him into a different VIP room where there are several other people sitting on benches. "Sit back and enjoy the show AhKit", the mamasan tells AhKit.

AhKit gives the money to the mamasan and takes a seat on one of benches. Soon after, they tutup lampu and bukak langsir revealing another room on the other side of a two way mirror where two women begin to undress each other.

AhKit is very impressed. Clearly these women are unaware anyone is watching as they begin to make love to each other passionately. Apparently there is nothing they won't do to each other.

AhKit once again feels like he is getting his money's worth. He turns to the person beside him and says, "Dis a vehlee good show for ten linggit eh?!

The guy turns to AhKit and says, "NO LAH! .....last week lagi terror la! We saw a guy fuck a Chicken."

How to get Free Train Ride

6 factory workers (3 supervisors-cina and 3 technicians-Bangla) are going to a seminar and must travel by train to get there. At the KTM stesen, the three bangle technicians buy three tikets and watch as the three supervisors buy only a single tiket. "How are three people going to travel on only one tiket?" says one bangla technician. "you wait and see lar," answers a supervisor.

They all board the train and the bangle technicians take their seats and watch as all three supervisors cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. The train departs and shortly afterward, the conductor comes around collecting tikets. He knocks on the toilet door and says "Tiket mana ? " The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a tiket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The bangla technicians see all this and agreed it is quite a clever idea. So after the seminar, the bangla technicians decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money . When they get to the KTM stesen, they buy a single tiket for the return trip. But to their astonishment, the supervisorss don't buy any tiket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a single tiket?" says one bangla technician. "You wait and see larrr" answers a supervisor.

They board the train. The three bangla technicians cram into a toilet compartment and the three supervisors cram into an another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the supervisors leaves his toilet, walks over to the bangle technicians toilet, knocks on the door and says, "Tiket mana ?".

21 April 2005

Creative Motto(s) from abroad

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On anoder plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

Source : Dana

20 April 2005

WTF iz Spring Bag .....

One day, was excitedly playing with the newly discovered Skype (shoud be pronounce as "skaip" but were popularly pronounced as "Sky-pee" by some) with Irene, Dave and piggy. Even tho everibodi are of chinese origin, nevertheless language/dialect barrier still exist bcoz some of us cant speak Mandarin, I managed to recall part of the conversation that took place.

Irene : Dave ni hao! (Dave, how are you?)
Dave : Eh Wingz what she toking har ?
Irene : Dave ni pu hwei hwah yue der ar ? (Dave you donno mandarin one ar ?)
Me : Dave, shes toking in mandarin la asking you how are you
Dave : eh u tell her to tok ingris la, i dont understand mandarin leh
Me : Irene, Dave pu tung hwah yue der ler, tah jiaw ni jiang yingwern ler. (Irene, he dun understand mandarin one ler, he ask u to tok ingris)
Irene : Ok Ok
Me : Irene, can you translate 2 words for me into mandarin ? i not very good with madarin la
Irene : sure, what izzit ?
Me : Can you please translate "Spring Bag" for me pls ?
Irene : What is spring bag ?
Dave : Yea, wtf is spring bag ?
Me : Dave u dun kkcc la (kkcc - kakacaucau/dun disturb)
Irene : Wingz, Ser mork sir spring bag ?
Me : Spring ar .. spring is the 4 season punya spring lor ... neh Winter, Autumn, Summer and Spring ahhhh ... that one laaa
Irene : oh ... in mandarin that is call "Chun"
Me : Then bag in mandarin is call wat ar ?
Irene : Plastic bag ?
Me : No, not plastic bag. Just bag alone call wat ledi ?
Irene : Bag is call "Taie"
Me : Irene, then Spring bag is call wat ?
Irene : Chun Taie lor!
Me & Dave & Piggy : LMAO!!! *luffing like cicaks hilang ekor lidat"
Irene : What are you guys luffing at ??
Dave : Nothing nothing ! *continue to luff*
Me : Irene you know canto anot ?
Irene : abit ler
Me : Irene, then u try to translate that into canto lar, see u know how to do anot
Irene : Dunwan! later i say wrong ledi u all luff at me one.
Me : Wont one larrrr .... faster lerrr
Irene : I say wrong ledi u all dun luff horrr
Me & Dave : ok ok we wont we wont
Irene : err ... *mumbling-mumbling* if im not wrong i think canto shud be "Chun toi"
Me & Dave & Piggy : *luffing like kena mad cow disease with tears kambing out from our eyes, mucus kambing out from our nose and banging our head onto our keybod*
Irene : Choiii!!!!! ALAMAK !!!! u 2 tricked me !!!!! *Curse! Curse!*

We tried others translations too! i.e.:
1) Gei Park - Canto (How White) try translate it into mandarin
2) Larn Keok - Canto (Wounded Leg) try translate into mandarin also

Got many more lagi! buden share with lu olangs nx time lar .... dunwan skali sai lang everything ... nx time no more juice liow can write again LOL!

Lunton Anderground!

Hillarious Flash !!! its about the London tube, the underground train service, this link were given to me by Klutz

Click on the link and Luff yer Ass-off!!! pls proceed if u are armed with scream-ass (streamyx) ok ?

LunTon AnderGround

*Click on the "PLAY" button to start the flash, thank you*

Thanks Klutz *Muacks*

19 April 2005


Welokam! I bid you!

Its abit late to tok bout WHY I BLOG isnt it ? "I KNOW! I KNOW!" but I havent done this beore so i m still entitled to do it at least once!

I have been reading a few blogs on a daily basis before i decided to have my own, I learnt in those blogs that i read that one can really express themself freely and makes you pounder on it for sometime as to how much truth existed in those words. How true how true .....

Now thats not the reason why I blog, I actually hate to writes, I do not follow the trend (Im one of those who would dress up like a begger), I am not after fame, awards nor recognitions, NO NO NO .. that above is really non of the reason why I am doing this.

I did it because I felt so helpless most of the time. Look at our world today, look at how pathetic and sad our lifes has become. Disasters happens everywhere, humans are suffering, new kinda disease surfaces everyday, mankind are suffering from all this and I cant do antyhing about it. How sorrow how true.

Blogging is my way to contributes to human who need a little relief from all that, perhaps maybe for 5 minutes a day or even more and YET I hope what i did, what I am doing is making a significant differences in their daily life, with just one dose of joke everyday. That's my noble intention, small but sincere.

Nevertheless, there will still be people who do not agree with this. For those, I wanna share with you what I saw today in one of those KL's famous roadside stalls. This road side stall i patroned has this BIG sign that says :

3 Putt Mai (3 conditions of sales)
1. Erm Dung Duck, Putt Mai (if u cant wait, we refuse to sell)
2. Yim Jim, Putt Mai (If you are picky, we refuse to sell too)
3. Yong Sui, Putt Mai (If we dont like your face, we wont sell either!)

So, you see if you seriously do not like what i blogs here, please dont spoil your day ok ? Do us both a favor, thats the door, just walk that way! *Cheers!*

18 April 2005

Autopsy Repot

This moaning morning :

Jack : A young boy die ledi
Me : What happened ??
Jack : He got married to a 60 yrs old woman yesday and he died this morning
Me : WHOA!!! they old woman so big appeptite meh ? fark the boy till he kiokED ?
Jack : No, its not that
Me : Then ?
Jack : According to his autopsy repot, he died becoz he drank expired milk !!!
Me : *3 legs in the air*


17 April 2005

Hustler, Hustler Where are Thou ?

Once I was told a story by my grandpa, "It was the time before cinema and movie are being introduce to the world where the only form of entertaiment available in thier kampung came from a man named AhFook. AhFook loves to travel and he has been working as a sailor, sailing across the world most of his youth, folks in the village are amazed by this amazing and wonderful stories. Everyday, people will gather beneath the "9 layers tree" and listens to his life experience.

AhFook is quite a popular figure in the village mainly becoz of his daily entertaining contribution to the folks in the village, his popularity far reaches the next few kampung and many traveled for nearly an hour on foot just to listen to his daily tales.

One day, there is this young man from neighbouring kampung, AhMing. While AhFook was telling a story related to a huge kick ass sea monster, AhMing felt AhFook were bullshitting and he speaks up from behind "Oi! dont bluff little boys larr!!!" AhFook were stunned for a while but he continues his story soon after that.

While AhFook is telling his story from the front, at the back of the scene this old man who were in front of AhMing told him this "We all know part of his stories are non-existance, we never question them bcoz we do not feel there is a need for that. We are all here bcoz we wanna be entertained and hes doing a good job at it, FOR FREE!! since its FREE you cant complain much, if you dont like it, "FUCK OFF" not that you need to fill a form prior to do that."

-The End to the Story -

Back to 2005, best selling fiction books includes Harry Potter, Lord of the Ring and others. Are any of these are for real ? NO? and peoples are buying it ???!!! why ?? i guess the reason are these books are entertaining. I would really loves to see if anyone would try to point out that there is a piece of "FAKE" information in Lord of the Ring LMAO!!!

Alas, Hustler you are doing a GREAT job providing hours of entertaiment for all of us. I will continue to patron your blog for a long time to come. Until you start to CHARGE entrance fee that is. :)

Ugly Boxer in Vegas.

The heavyweight was getting creamed in the fight, but every round he managed to stagger back to the corner. At the end of the eighth round, he could barely see from all the blood streaming down his forehead. His manager said to him, “Hold on just a couple of rounds. I think you are gonna win”

“Win?” the boxer grunted. “I cant even see to hit him.”

“I know” the manager replied, “But the sight of you is beginning to make him sick”

16 April 2005

2 (Two) piece of Wine ???

Back in ancient china, an impoverished man could only afford the meanest food for blekfast – fremented rice cakes. Each morning, AhNgaw would feel giddy from the alchohol in the cakes.

Once a frend asked him “Do you drink that early?”

“No” he replied. “I just ate some fermented rice cakes”

When his wie cane to know about this, she suggested “you should say that you had just taken wine for blekfas, which would have sounded more tasteful”

The following day his frend asked him the same Question,

AhNgaw :I’d just taken some wine for blekfas

Frend : Did you drink it hot or cold ?

AhNgaw : it was toasted

*When his wife heard about it,*

Wife : Wine can never be toasted. You must say next time that you had hot wine.

AhNgaw : I know better now

In the next encounter with his friends, he blurted out the information even before the friend spoke.

AhNgaw : I drank hot wine for blekfas.

Frend : How much did you take ?

AhNgaw : Two pieces *showing 2 fingers*

15 April 2005

NOT a Pig!!!

Peter, the owner of the local kedai runcit, was the most lansi and meanest and insulting man in town.

One day Tang walked into his kedai with a duck under his arm. Peter said to him "Eh! What are you doing with that pig ?"

"Are you crazy?" Tang replied "Its itik larrr not pig lar diuuu"

"I wasnt toking to you" Said Peter. "I was toking to the duck."

14 April 2005

Dont Compare can ar ?

So many jokes entry continously for so many days i do think its time we take a break off our hectic daily life and pounder on our society's disease for a while. I'd met countless people who are unhappy with their life and not satisfied with what they are having or what they achieved so far in their life. Today i wanna share my view on how to make you a happier person BY LEARNING NOT TO COMPARE!

We live in a pathologically dissatisfied world. And I'm going to tell you why. Because we love to compare.

Go around the world and discover that people aren't happy with their bodies. Filipinos want to be fair-complexioned like Westerners and so buy bleaching stuff.

Westerners want to own bronzed bodies like ours and so purchase tanning lotions. Those with moles have them removed, while those who don't strategically implant beauty spots.

Some people want to shed a few pounds to look like Ally McBeal, while others want to gain some baby fat to look like Drew Barrymore.

When are we ever going to stop and simply be happy with how we look? We live in a sick world, I tell you. And that sickness is comparisonitis.

Take a look at wealth.When we drive our old Honda, it really suits us fine. We feel blessed in fact when the rain pours outside and we feel snug and cozy on its faded upholstered seats.

But the moment we see our own office mate (or neighbor, or buddy, or cousin, or brother) drive his sleek sky-blue, four-door, four-wheel-drive Mercedez, we automatically feel like third-class children of God!

Next time we drive our bumpy, noisy, rusted, dilapidated Honda,(notice how all the defects come out all of a sudden?), we feel deprived, dispossessed, pariah, debased and only a little higher than the insects of the earth.

Listen carefully.

Bill Gates total assets are worth $60 billion. That's more than the GNP of some small countries. Tiger Woods earns $80 million simply by smiling on TV in a Nike shirt. And the stars of the sitcom Friends are paid $750,000 per episode!

My point?

No matter how hard you work, there'll still be some people who will be richer than you are. And there'll be some people who will be more beautiful, have more sex appeal, have more boyfriends and have more problems.

Try it for once. Stop looking around. Don't compare!

Don't compare her nose with your nose. Don't compare his wife with your wife. Don't compare his salary with your salary. Don't compare her breast size with your breast size. Don't compare her kids report card with your kids report card. Don't compare his prayer group with your prayer group. Don't compare her cellulite deposits with your cellulite deposits.

For crying out loud, Stop comparing and Start living! And you'll be happier with your life, I guarantee.

This is crucial:

The most difficult thing in the world is to be who you are not.
Pretending and trying to be someone else is the official pastime of the human race. (I don't think dogs and cats and cows and horses have this problem.)

And the easiest thing in the world is to be yourself. Be happy. Live!

There must be a reason why God made you tall or short or fat or thin or bumpy all over.

Love who you are!

Be happy, it's not that difficult!

Fishing Maniac

One sunny day, i went to the KLCC park with my family to enjoy the scenery after hearing so much about it thru the local media. After almost an hour of walk underneath the hot sun we found ourself one empty bench!

Apa lagi we terus go there and set camp lar, sommo dat time the lil Devil is yelling at the top of his voice asking for nen-nen ledi, so we unpack all our stuffs and made nen-nen for the Devil. To our suprise after finishing the nen-nen the Devil terus blackout, so both me and Mrs. Wingz also take this oppurtunity to take a break enjoying the scenery and the peoples while waiting for the Devil to wakeup from his cat nap.

At this time, I noticed something very strange. You see the bench next to us were occupied by 3 MahLartLows, the man in the middle was reading newspaper and the other two men on either side of him were going thru the motions as if they were actually fishing. They carefully baited their hooks, cast out the line and reeled them in when they had an imaginary bite. This went on for quite some time till one of our Tourist Polis walk up to them. As i were only next to their bench i could actually hear what they said to each other.

This is what they said :

Polis : *asking the man in the middle* "Do you know this 2 guys sitting besides you ?
Middle Guy : *folded his newspaper* "Yes officer i know them both"
Polis : What are they doing ?
Middle Guy : I think they are fishing
Polis : *noticed something fishy* "this is a public park, you cant fish here, you better get both of them out of here!" *said the polis in a very serious tone*
Middle Guy : YES SIR!
After saying that the guy in the Middle pretend to pick up something from the floor and began to row furiosly as if they are on a sampan!

13 April 2005

Top Secret Repot From Amalika

A brief background intro for those "HU" dunch no "HU" is Bush and Condoleeza Rice. As per our spy LingLingFart(008) repot Bush is the Plesidern of Amalika and Condoleeza Rice (Condi) is da Secretary of State.

This is their pictures captured by our spy cam during one of their speech.

Condi(Front) Bush(Background)

One day our LingLingFart rekordED one of their conversation toking about our maderland Chungcock (China), after further anal-y-sis we found out that this Bush asked Condi to prepare one top Secret repot on Chungcock's Leader, Comrade HU. Below is the converstaion in detail :

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

That Concludes our spy repot today by LingLingfart. Anoder agent, Agent HamKahLing (HKL) have a anoder repot for us, he finally met a FBI agent in front of the White Houz, at the same time also there is a demonstation going on in front of the White Houz. Below is the full repot of their conversation :

HKL : Amalikans have alot of freedom huh? look at the peeple here, they are scolding your Plesidern.
FBI : *PROUD* Yeah, we Amalikan belif in human rights. We can walk right up to our Plesidern and say "Mr. Bush you sucks!" and get away with it. *Boasting*
HKL : *Tulan dee* I can do that too!!!
FBI : NO WAY! you will get yourself killed!
HKL : NO! I can assure you I will be able to get away with it!
FBI : I dont belif you.
HKL : I CAN! I can walk to our leader, Comrade HU and tell him "Mr. Bush Sucks" and he wont harm me too!

With that we concludes our meeting for today. Pls do not leave your belongings behind and dont spits on the floor on your way out. *Thank you*

12 April 2005

Spiderman - 30 yrs later ( special dedication to kljs)

Dear All/Spidey Fansee,

I come across an email from an old frend with pictures of Spidey 30 year from today, immediately i remembered a frend of mine is an absolute Spidey Mania. So here i am posting Pics of the Spidey 30 yrs into the future!

I wanna dedicate this Entry to a frend of mine bcoz of his unconditional love for Spidey, he is non other than kljs Boss !!!

His undenialble/undying Love Declaration for Spenderman Spiderman can be witness in his blog entry HERE and HERE

Hope you all will enjoy this adn much as kljs would!

spidey frontal

Web Slinging

Spidey Berak-ing

Spidey Punch!!

Spidey One-Two-SOM!

Doing the Spidey Dance!

Bekside View - Kencing-ing

Spidey Wall Crawling !!!

Disclaimer : All trademark involve in this entry belongs to their respective owners. kljs are not hurt in the making of this story! LOL!

Source : From My Frend.
Who ? He dun let me tell!

Hello! Ah Mah !

AhLian was tricked into prostitution by her “agent” who brought her in from China,One day with the help of the cleaning lady she managed to escape from the hell she was locked in all these days. She is still a virgin then bcoz she refused to bow to those “agents” demands and that is why she has been in lockup since she set foot in this country.

Without money and valid travel documents she walk for hours before reaching a WARTEL. So, AhLian went into the WARTEL message centre wanting to send an message to her mother in China and ask for help.

Indon guy, Mansur at the WARTEL counter told her it would cost around RM150.00

AhLian : saiya tarak RM150 lah, but I will do anything to get a message to my mother in China!
Mansur smiled, arched an eyebrow and asked, "Anything ?”
AhLian :Yes, I promise...anything !
Mansur : Follow me.
*He led her to the next room and said*
Mansur :Come in and close the door.
Mansur : Get down on your knees !
*AhLian obeyed Mansur’s demand willingly
Mansur : Unzip me !
*She did.*
Mansur : Go on...take it out.
*She did and grabbed it with both hands excitedly.*
Mansur : Go ahead girl, what are you waiting for ?
*AhLian do as shes told, she slowly brought her lips closer and said loudly*
AhLian : Hello....hello Ah Mah !!!..can you hear me ?!

*P.S. this time no banglas was hurt in the making of this story. :P

11 April 2005

Chun-toys-less Pissed - Jokes Contribution

Apparently "someone" ( Anonymous) got pissed because of my previous entry, "someone" said that i copied others peeple jokes without quoting sources, buden he no chuntoys to even post a komen with his nick/iden orso. Nebermind lar i told maiself, since he no chuntoys he alredi kesian enuff so no kira sama him la i thot, skali mana tau he also quoted the source of the Jokes which is :


So i now hereby tenkiu the author of the joke ANTON PERERA for his kinda contribution to the making of a better mankind.

I also like to thank the Chun-toys-less reader for his contribution of new jokes website that i do not know of its existance untill today.

For more jokes, pls. klik on the link below. (contributed by the chun-toy-less reader)


Due to popular demand,"chun-toys-less comments poster" features will be diabled to prevent more of our future generation from following the chontoysless-ism belief. All future koment(er) are advised to register yourself a blogspot member to be able to post komen. Buden hor ... befoh lu post any komen or read anything can you please read my blog's header 1st? :)

*P.S. I pray to god that my chun-toys-less reader fast fast grow back chun toys so he can post his nx komen with balls!!!

A Letter From Bangladesh

Before I go on to the main story, Lemme fill you in with a lil backgroud of the person i m gonna tok about. He is my ex bangla worker, his name is Mathiur but we all call him by his nick name which is "Mati".

Mati, isnt very bright even tho he told me he graduated from university when he first approach me for a job, he cant read and write that well you see, nevertheless he is a hardworking employee and that i hafta agree on.

One day Mati come to me with a letter that he wants me to read to him, he told me he cant read and he need me to explain to him the content of the letter. So, i took the letter from him and begun reading it. It appear that the letter is from his mom from his home in Dhakka.

This is the content of the letter *yes i keep a photocopy copy with me :)*

My Dear Mathiur,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles. I won't be able to send the address as the last person who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I m not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahur (daughter-in-law) to our club's poolside. The manager is bad. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Khaled fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Begum, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love Mom.

P.S : Mathiur, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.

By the way, Mati is no longer with us, he went back to Bangladesh last year and all of us missed him dearly!

10 April 2005

Who Can Fart ?

Last December, me and John were in Singapore to visit our business ass-"O"-ciate Mr.Phang. Im not really familiar with Singkapoh's road and needless to say bout John coz the fler is an Amalikan. We are suppose to be heading to Kitchener Road from Jalan Besar, we found Jalan Besar as per the instruction given on the phone and Kitchener Road are just the one on the left of us, so we told Mr.Phang we will be able to find our way there and we hang up. I was driving at a very slow pace to make sure i do not missed the turning into Kitchener Road, bcoz of my slow pace John really is looking around for signs that will lead us to Kitchener Road then he suddenly burst into laughters and luffED like a mad donkey on heat !!! I almost lost control of the car thanks to that crazy Amalikan. I stop the car and let him luff his ass off, then when hes done i asked him

Me : What da fark are you luffing about ?
John : You guys have funny names for restaurant
Me : What da fark ya toking bout ?
John : turn back, do a U turn, its back there!
Me : Back where ?
John : about 150 feet behind us! Go go !! its fucking hillarious!!
Me : OK

So i look for place where i can do a 3-point-turn and headed back to the spot John is talking about. When we arrive :

John : There! LOOK AT THAT NAME !!!! TWO OF THEM !!! SIDE BY SIDE !!! Fark!!! *continue to luff like mad donkey on heat again*
Me : Ok, i dont really see anything funny here, its pretty normal to me. Wee Kan Fatt and Soo Kan Wee . So what is wrong ?

*Please refer to the below picture to get a brief idea of what am trying to tell you. Its more or less similar to what i saw the other day.*

John : Cant you see it ?
Me : Nope!
John : Ok ok lemme tell you, One shop says "WE CAN FART" the other one says "SO CAN WE" and he bursted into laughters again.
Me : HOLY SHIT !!! we both luffing like mad cow kena histeria that time!

It took us almost 15 minits to be able able to cool down and continue our journey again, What a day! and does time flies ... that bastard is coming here again this May!!! hahahaha!!! Cant wait!!

9 April 2005

The Shitty Answer

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Here is the answer as plomised, lemme give u the answer with some visual help below,


female shit

As you can see from the diagram, the distance between pee and poo is quite near, at time it overlaps each others making it to difficult to distinguished their exact territory between these two. This is because Chee-Buy and Pantat are just next to each other in a female body.


male shit

This is the male shit, the distance between pee and poo are wider. This is becoz the male Luncheow* are in a shape of a water gun thus shooting the pee to a further area farther away from the shit. The territory between pee and poo are clearly marked. This is bcoz the Male's Pantat neighbour are NUTS and not Luncheow*!

*Luncheow - Copyright owned by JxT2J Owner permission granted on the usage for this entry.

8 April 2005

Whose shit is this ?

June last year, me and a group of fishing fanatic friends went to a very secluded place to fish. The stream is deep inside a blardee jungle and as this is the 1st time we trying to go there so we hired a jungle trekker to lead us there. Everyone call him Mail, i think thats short for Ismail.

Mail is about 5'3" lidat, he has this misai and abit of janggut. Very tough kinda guy, very tanned and had a very loud voice. I guess the loud noise is useful when locating someone who went missing from the main group i guess. He rely mostly on his instinct most of the time without much gadgets. The only tool he brought with him are a compas, a parang and a torchlight. No canggih gadgets like Satnav gps system or satelite phone that sort. One can tell from the way he handle us that he must be a very experienced jungle trekking guide, he evel tell us lotsa his jungle trekking stories while we trekking our way into the dense forest.

After about 3 hours of trekking he told us we are half way there, he also reminded us to behave properly and to respect the surrondings. "There are peeple living here, even tho you cant see them " he says. I was like "WTF??!! i dint see a living soul in this jungle other than us all" buden after anoder 5 minits or so we asked us to stop as if he found something interesting. We all gather around him and to our suprise he found a pile of shit! At that time we were like "What the big deal bout finding a pile of shit, what is so fascinating about this pile of shit ?" To our amazement he told us the pile of shit belongs to a human being and it belongs to a female!

Whoa!! we were like "how the fuck can you tell?" he wouldnt tell us at first and he said " i'll tell you all later in the journey". About half an hour later he found anoder pile of shit again and this time "it" look kinda "fresh from the oven" type, he told us the shit belongs to a male! we were like "FUCK! hes lying !!!" To satisfy our curiosity he told us how he derived to such answer ........

Wanna know how ?? Why dont you try to guess it first ?

i'll tell you the answer tomolo ok? :)

How I Wish ....

This setori is about two person ( Kenny and Patrick ) both of them has very low IQ level wan.

One day they stumbled upon a pack of stray dogs, they saw one of the dog licking his own balls, to his amazement Kenny blurted out ( refer below for the full conversation )

Stray Dogs

Kenny : WOW! look at that jantan dog over there!
Patrick : Where ? Which one ?
Kenny : There! *Points with finger towards one of the dog which is licking his own balls*
Patrick : OOoohhhhHHH!!!! What about it ?
Kenny : It is licking its own balls! How I wish i can do that too!!!! *Envy*
Patrick : *imagining and drooling*
Patrick : Yeahhhhhhh~~~ me too!!!

*Both of them silent for a while letting their imaginations runs wild* ...............

Suddenly Patrick blurted out. (scroll down pulez ...)

Patrick : I really wanna do that but I scared that dog will bites me if I do that!

*No dogs were hurt in the making of this story*

7 April 2005

The Cast of #MalaysiaBloggers

Its abit more than a week since this room were created, we are having around 12-20 bloggers in the channel most of the time. Topic ranging from blogging to extraterrestrial to movies to personal lifestyle to love stories to betrayals you name it! During the night the screen will move faster than you can read it properly.

The Cast
kljs - The Channel owner
JxT2J - The SOP
PeterTan - The Legendary Blogger from Penang (OP)
LilianC - The Celebrity Blogger from Penang
Kimberlycun - The Legs
KennySia - The April Fool Champion
Jayelle - The Little Girl In A Reverie a.k.a. LeftBoob
Dopey^ - As Suanie Sees It
PeNNyPupZ - The SYT
YP^ - The Future Doc
paxt - The Diary of a Klutz
loRd_VaMp - The New Ex Blogger
Dustyhawk - The Anime Sexpert
cymiao - The Resident Wine Expert
Kamigoroshi - Footstep in the Mirror (OP)
cheRRy^ZZZz - Malaysia J-Lo
Kstang - A pathetic attempt at blogging
chapree - Chapree Da Grande
Stanch - The Underpaid Exec.
Sashi - The Sashi-ism
smallmoskito - The Mossism
Andylkl - The WittySquirrel's Insane Ramblings
Mr.Tomodachi - Non Blogger but a very handsome guy!!!
and Me of coz :)

So fellow bloggers! come join us there and have lotsa fun exchanging toughts and meeting up with others Malaysian Bloggers. Real Time Interaction !!!

for more instructions on how to get there, please feel free to get in touch with any of the above bloggers and i am sure they will be more than willing to help out. More infos can be accessed by clicking HERE

See you there at #MalaysiaBloggers the meeting point of Malaysian Bloggers!

5 April 2005

Ice Wine Anyone ?

We were talking in the #malaysiabloggers chat room today and suddenly Kenneth mentioned about Ice Wine, so outta the sudden lotsa wine enthusiasts pop out from nowhere everyone with their own opinions on Ice Wine.

Then I asked Kenneth whether they is any Wine bloggers around, he told me none that he known off, cy_miao our resident wine consultant even suggested that why don’t I blog about it myself. At first I hesitated but after giving it a thot, I decided to go ahead with it, so here goes!

Ice Wine 375ml

Lemme start off with the HISTORY of Ice Wine, there are actually a few version but I’d narrowed it down to 3 and they are :

The History :
1) According to Canadian lore, the first ice wines were made when some winemaker forgot to harvest a few rows of mature grapes on his vineyard's back in the 40s. When he discovered his error, he harvested what was left, pressed the grapes to remove the ice crystals from whatever liquid could be coaxed from the nearly dried, frozen fruit and, voilà, a wine was born.

2) Ice wine originated in Europe two centuries ago when the German farmers of Franconia were hit by a sudden and unexpected winter frost. Rather than discard their frozen grapes, they went ahead and made wine. The result was a small quantity of honey-sweet liquid of high acidity, unlike anything they had ever produced. Eiswein was considered a treasure, yet German conditions have never guaranteed consistency in yield or quality.

3) The discovery of Icewine was accidental. Producers in Franconia, Germany made virtue of necessity by pressing juice from frozen grapes in 1794. They were amazed by the high sugar concentration. It was not until the mid 1800's that Ice wine was intentionally made by the winery. This occured in the Rheingau

So, which one is the real one ? beats me! All of them sounds logical to idiotic me! :P

Most of the world’s famous Ice Wine came from Canada. Outside the wine circles, Canadian ice wine is relatively unknown partly because it can only be produced in a few countries under unique conditions, making it rare and very expensive.

The Process :
Grapes are left on the vine well into the winter months. The resulting freezing and thawing of the grapes dehydrates the fruit, and concentrates the sugars, acids, and extracts in the berries, thereby intensifying the flavours and adding complexity to the wine made from it.

The Ice wine harvest, done entirely by hand, commences once the temperature drops below - 10 to -13 degrees C and the grapes have naturally frozen on the vines. As the frozen grapes are pressed, the natural water portion of the juice remains within the grape skins in the form of ice crystals, and a tiny but precious ration of highly concentrated juice is expressed. The frozen grapes are pressed in the extreme cold, only a few drops of sweet concentrated juice is obtained. This juice is then fermented very slowly for several months, stopping naturally.

The Grapes :
Harvested by hand at night to ensure sunlight does not melt the ice, the grapes must be frozen as hard as marbles. Once picked, they are immediately pressed under strict rules.

Typical grapes used for ice wine production are: Riesling, Seyval, Vidal Blanc, and, interestingly, the red grape Cabernet Franc. Cabernet Franc ice wine is a light pink color, like most rose wines. Conclusion - Ice Wine do not come in RED.

The Taste :
The finished ice wine is intensely sweet and flavourful in the initial mouth sensation. The balance is achieved by the acidity, which gives a clean, dry finish. The nose of icewine recalls lychee nuts. The wine tastes of tropical fruits, with shadings of peach nectar and mango.

The Glass :
The glass, item number 444/55, the sixth in the Vinum Extreme collection of machine-blown, lead-crystal glasses, is 87/8 inches (226mm) high and holds 10 ounces (285ccm).
While a glass can't alter a wine or any other beverage, it does dramatically alter our perception of it. Determining that content should command shape, each Riedel glass is designed after thorough oenological analysis of how different taste characteristics are optimized on the nose and palate by variations in glass design, so that, ultimately, each glass makes a beverage taste its best by enhancing its typicity, authenticity and finest characteristics.

Ice wine glass #444/55

The Companion
Goes with: Cheeses and fruits. It's also a perfect accompaniment to lighter cakes and pastries. Serve it well-chilled.

The Price :
In Europe
An average bottle of Canadian ice wine costs euro 70 but can range from euro 45 to euro 175. A glass in a restaurant can run to around euro 15.
In Malaysia
An Average Bottle of 375ml would cost you somewhere between RM200-RM500 bucks depending on the made and year of the wine.

The Verdict
Wine is the trend now, every ahbeng and ahseng on the block also tried it, they have their own method of drinking it, some add mineral water to it, some add ribena, beers, sodas, you name it. Which is kinda degrading to the serious wine society if you asking me, But nevertheless they bought it and they deserved every rights on how they wanna drink it. :P

4 April 2005

Answer in Brief

This story was told to me by my bangla engineer, Amed. He has a frend name Surus, they went to the same Uni togehder. One semester Surus got seriously sick and therefore cant make it to the exams.

The Uni board approve his application to re-take the exams but this has to be done in a spesel room with only Surus and another Tcher to ensure fairness of the exams.

So come the day of the exams and Surus were waiting for it eagerly. he repotED to the Tcher in charge and he later were instructed to sit at his place getting himself ready for the exams. Five minits later the Tcher handed to him a stack of question papers. Its English! *YES! this should be easy!* says him to himself. Before he jumps right into the questions he took some time to read the instructions carefully.

Sardenli, he stood up and begin to undress himself, he keep undressing untill he is down to his underwear, he then sit back onto his chair. Amazed with his action the Tcher walks over to question this behavior of his.

Tcher : Whay are you naked ?
Surus : I am following the requirements of the exams.
Tcher : What requirements ?
Surus : *Points to one of the line in the instructions section* "This!"
Tcher : *take a closer look*

"Answer the questions in brief "


adj. brief·er, brief·est
1. A short, succinct statement.
2. A condensation or an abstract of a larger document or series of documents.
3. Roman Catholic Church. A papal letter that is not as formal as a bull.
4. briefs Short, tight-fitting underpants.

Just Another Sunday ? NOT!

login into #malaysiabloggers channel at around 1pm, chatted till around 5pm and Mrs Wingz asked me to go groceries shopping along with lil.Devil as well. To cut it short we got our blardee trolley filled to the maxED with stuffs from carefour (Im glad we dint trashed the shopping cart) by 8pm hunger strikes all of us and lil Devil is getting frustratingly annoying, so we barge outta Carefour and heads towards Nam Heong Chicken Lice! I dunno whether it is bcoz we are extremely hungry or they got themself a better cook, the chicken lice were FANTASTIC today!!! Abit salty tho calimed Mrs.Wingz.

Anyway i still think today's chicken lice were Outta this World! So if you are around the neighbourHOOT go eat there! gerentik you no regret wan! Nam Heong Chicken Lice Endah Parada Seri Petaling.

After that we goan check on some handphone stuffs with our regular supplier and terus go car park liow. The whole trunk were filled up with our groceries can you imagine the amount of stuffs we bought? Anyway Mrs Wingz begins to nags when we reach home, i dont know why bcoz i wasnt listening LOL! so there she was busy walking up and down arranging all the stuffs we bought onto the right place in the fridge and continue to nags. she stopped nagging about half an hour later, finally peace on earth!

An hour later, Mrs.Wing walked into my study and asked me "did you see where i put my t-shirt just now ?" I answered "Nope", she walked out of my room mumbling something to herself. Then she proceed to look for that t-shirt high and low, i can actually hear her ransacking the laundry department and the guest room from here, the whole thing goes on for merely 30 minutes before she gave up and went to bed. That was 3 hours ago.....then a few minutes ago i suddenly have this urge to drink something fizzy, so i walked to the fridge to get myself a can of coke, when i open the fridge I found Mrs.Wingz t-shirt in it!! Totally frozen ledi! LMAO!!!

She asleep now, wait till i tell her about this tomolo morning! This is hilarious!!!

1 April 2005

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HAWA 03 2693 0095 Orix 03 9284 7799
Talidera 1 800 88 3040 SMAS 03 2080 5066
WAO 03 7956 3488 KARAOKE
OTHERS RedBox Low Yat 03 2710 1883
AAM Breakdown 03 2161 0808 RedBox Wisma HLA 03 2078 6688
Bar Council 03 2691 1698 RedBox Sg Wang 03 2145 7788
MTUC 03 8024 2953 RedBox Sunway 03 5633 6669
SPCA 03 4256 5312 Star KTV (Bangsar) 03 21626263
SUARAM 03 2612 5600 Song Bird (Imbi) 03 2145 3262

Airport Coach (Duta) 03 6203 3064 Aeroflot 03 2161 3231
Airport Coach(ChanSowLin) 03 4294 2550 Air Asia 03 7845 7777
Airport Coach (KLIA) 03 8787 3894 Air India 03 2614 2166
Airport Limo 03 9223 8080 Berjaya Air 03 2145 2132
Airport Limo (Booking) 03 9223 8949 British Airlines 03 2167 6188
Besraya 03 8941 8288 Cathay Pacific 03 2078 3377
Intrakota 03 7726 2944 China Southern 03 2144 4432
KESAS 03 5633 7188 Garuda 03 2162 2811
KLIA 03 8777 8888 Japan Airlines 03 2161 1722
KLIA Express 03 2267 7777 KLM 03 2142 0300
KLIA Exp (Cust Enquiries) 03 2267 8000 Korean Airlines 03 2142 8460
KL Monorail 03 2267 9888 MAS 03 7846 3000
KL Sentral 03 2730 2000 Pelangi Airways 03 5513 3700
KTM 03 2263 1111 Qantas 03 2167 6000
KTM - Call Center 03 2267 1200 Royal Brunei 03 2070 7166
Len Seng 03 4024 1977 SIA 03 2692 3122
Litrak 03 5633 3929 Swiss Air 03 2162 7885
Park May 03 7982 7060 Thai Airways 03 2031 1900
PLUS 03 7981 8000 BANKS
PLUS - Ronda 03 2692 2000 ABN-AMRO 03 2162 6666
Plusliner 03 2272 1586 Affin Bank 03 2055 9000
Putra LRT 1 800 388228 Alliance Bank 03 2694 8800
SPRINT 03 7960 1050 Alliance Fincance 03 2691 8989
SPRINT - Ronda 1 800 6868 Bangkok Bank 03 2072 4552
Star LRT 1 800 388228 Bank Islam 03 2711 2930
Toong Foong 03 9222 8053 Bank Negara Malaysia 03 2968 8044
CREDIT CARDS / CARDS Bank Simpanan Malaysia 03 2162 3222
Amex 03 2026 1770 Bank Utama 03 2144 6355
Bonuslink 03 7626 1000 Bumiputra Commerce 03 2693 1722
Citibank 03 2383 0000 Citibank 03 2383 0000
Diners Club 03 2161 1381 EON Bank 03 2694 8888
Direct Access 03 6204 7777 Hong Leong Bank 03 2164 2525
MBf 03 2161 8075 Hong Leong Finance 03 2164 3939
HSBC 03 2072 1966 HSBC Bank 03 2070 0744
Touch & Go 03 7628 5115 Maybank 03 2070 8833
UOB 03 2612 8121 Maybank Finance 03 2297 2000
MINISTRIES OCBC Bank 03 2692 0344
Agrivulture 03 2698 2011 Public Bank 03 2176 6000
Culture, Arts & Tourism 03 2693 7111 Public Finance 03 2274 1788
Defence 03 2692 1333 Scotiabank 03 2141 0766
Domestic Trade 03 2274 2100 Southern Bank 03 2087 3000
Education 03 2098 6900 Southern Finance 03 2141 1155
Energy,Com& Multimedia 03 2087 5000 Standard Chartered 03 2072 6555
Entepreneur Devp 03 2098 5022 UOB Bank 03 2692 4511
Finance 03 8882 3000 LOST ATM CARDS / CARDS
Foreign Affairs 03 8887 4000 Bank Islam 03 2698 9608
Health 03 2698 5077 Bumiputra Commerce 1 300 880900
Home Affairs 03 8886 8000 Dinners Club 03 216101055
Housing & Local Gvt 03 2094 7033 Hong Leong Bank 1 800 388888
Human Resource 03 8886 5000 Master Card International 1 800 804594
Information 03 2282 5333 Maybank 1 800 882828
In't Trade & Industry 03 6203 3022 Perwira Affin Bank 03 5511 4323
Minister Office 03 8888 1957 Public Bank 03 2163 9191
Labour/Human Resource 03 8886 5000 RHB Bank 03 2070 4299
Primary Industry 03 2274 7511 Visa Card International 1 800 802997
Rural Development 03 8889 3500 LOCAL AUTHORITIES
Science, Tech & Envt 03 8885 8000 DBKL 03 2693 4531
Taxi Complaints 03 2698 5022 MPAJ 03 4296 8000
Transport 03 2094 8122 MPK 03 3371 6044
Women & Family Dev 03 2691 9104 MPPJ 03 7956 3544
Works 03 2771 4050 MBSA 03 5510 5133
Youths & Sports 03 2693 2255 MPSJ 03 8026 3131
Shopping Malls PRESS
Amcorp Mall 03 7958 5318 Berita Harian 03 2282 2323
Atria 03 7727 3000 Bernama 03 2694 5233
Bangsar 03 2145 7700 Business Times 03 2282 2628
BB Plaza 03 2148 7411 China Press 03 2282 8208
Cheras Leisure Mall 03 9130 5088 Malay Mail 03 2282 1002
Great Eastern Mall 03 4259 8888 New Straits Times 03 2282 3322
Plaza Low Yat 03 2148 3651 Sin Chew Jit Poh 03 7958 7777
Sogo 03 2699 6251 The Edge 03 7660 3838
Star Hill 03 2148 7788 The Sun 03 7784 6688
Street Mall 03 8312 8000 The Star 03 7967 1388
The Mall 03 4044 4309 ISPs
The Summit 03 8024 8188 Celcom.net 019 300 0900
The Weld 03 2161 8422 Jaring 03 8996 5000
EPF Maxis Net 1 300 821512
Head office 03 2694 6566 Timenet 03 2710 6200
Bandar 03 2694 6051 TMnet 03 8318 8027
Cheras 03 9130 6161 POLICE STATIONS
Gombak 03 6185 0780 Ampang 03 4252 2222
Kajang 03 8737 5225 Brickfields 03 2274 2222
Kepong 03 6251 2566 Cheras 03 9284 0083
Klang 03 3342 0344 Dang Wangi 03 2691 2222
Petaling Jaya 03 7958 4100 Petaling Jaya 03 7956 2222
Pudu 03 2078 6788 TRAVEL AGENCIES
Setapak 03 4149 9499 Jebson Travel 03 2148 0604
Shah Alam 03 5519 2155 Ken Air Leisure 03 2142 3722
MOBILE OPERATORS Mayflower 03 6252 1888
Atur 800 9292 MSL Travel 03 4042 4722
Celcom 03 2162 3900 Pearl Holiday 03 8739 9999

019 3000900 PERNAS 03 2144 6044
Digi 016 221 1800 Peter Stuyvesant 03 2163 5588

03 2145 2126 Reliance Travel 03 2711 1000
Maxis 03 7492 2123 Start Cruise 03 3101 1313

1 300 820120 Triways 03 7728 2033
TimeCel 017 1717 MAS's BRANCHES

03 2070 1717 Alor Setar 04 731 1106
TM Touch 013 1111 Ipoh 05 241 4155

03 2055 8888 Johor Bahru 07 334 1001
RADIO / TV Kuala Lumpur 03 7846 3000
Astro 03 9543 4188 Kuala Terengganu 09 623 1767
Hitz FM (92.9) 03 9543 3311 Kuantan 09 515 7055
Light & Ez (105.7) 03 9543 3333 Kota Bharu 09 744 7000
Mix FM (94.5) 03 9543 3322 Langkawai 04 966 8621
MyFM (101.8) 03 9543 3366 Melaka 06 283 5722
NTV 7 03 5569 1777 Penang 04 262 0011
RFM 03 4048 1988 Singapore 02 336 6777
TV3 03 7726 6333 American Chili's (MidValley) 03 2287 6788
WOWfm (97.6) 03 7957 8969 American Chili's (KLCC) 03 2164 1400
CINEMA BOOKING Bangsar Seafood Village 03 2282 2555
Cheras Leisure Mall 03 9132 2617 Beach Club 03 2166 9919
GSC Midvalley 03 2938 3366 Bintang Shack 03 2142 4009
Puchong IOI Mall 03 5882 3669 CIAO 03 9285 4827
TGV 03 7492 2929 Dome KLCC 03 2166 1948
FLIGHT INFORMATION Eden Seafood 03 2141 4027
KLIA 03 8776 4135 Emporium Disco 03 2142 6666
Subang 03 7846 3000 Hard Rock Café 03 2715 5555
Penang 04 643 0501 Kelana Seafood 03 7803 8118
Changi 02 542 9727 Modesto's Jln P Ramlee 03 2713 2333
LOTTERY RESULTS Planet Hollywoord KL 03 2144 6602
1+3D 03 9280 4688 Salsaki Japanese Buffet 03 2166 3728
Magnum 03 2141 6766 Souled Out 03 2300 1955
Toto 03 2144 2332 Viva Dance Club 03 7665 5123

EmbassiesTelephone No
Albania Embassy603 - 2538102
British Consulate & Trade Office082 - 231320
British High Commission603 - 2482122
Embassy of the Republic of Croatia 603 - 4535340
Algeria Embassy 603 - 2488159
Ambassador De France 603 - 2483853
Argentina Embassy603 - 2550176
Australian High Commission603 - 2423122
Austrian Embassy603 - 2484277
Bangladesh Embassy 603 - 2423271
Belgium Embassy603 - 2625733
Brazil Embassy603 - 2548020
Canadian High Commission603 - 2612000
Chile Embassy603 - 2616203
Consulate General of Greece603 - 2386789
Czechoslovak Federal Republic Embassy603 - 2427185
Danish Embassy 603 - 2022001
Equador Embassy 603 - 2945879
Egypt Embassy603 - 4568184
Fiji Embassy 603 - 2648422
Finland Embassy603 - 2611088
France Embassy603 - 2484122
Germany Embassy 603 - 2429666
High Commission of India 603 - 2547820
India High Commission603 - 2533510
Indonesia Embassy603 - 2452011
Iran Embassy 603 - 4514824
Iraq Embassy 603 - 2480555
Islamic Counsellor Saudi Arabia Embassy 603 - 4579833
Italy Embassy603 - 4565122
Japan Embassy 603 - 2427044
Korea Embassy (North Korea)603 - 4569913
Korea Embassy (South Korea) 603 - 2622377
Korea Trade Center603 - 2429939
Kuwait Embassy 603 - 2410033
Laos Embassy603 - 2483895
Libyan Arab Jamahiriya 603 - 2482112
Mauritius High Commission603 - 2411870
Mexico Embassy 603 - 2388082
Morocco Embassy 603 - 2610708
Myanmar Embassy603 - 4560280
Nafhas Enterprise603 - 6841793
Namibia High Commission603 - 2647015
Netherlands Embassy603 - 2485151
New Zealand High Commission603 - 2382533
Norwegian Royal Embassy603 - 2420144
Oman Embassy 603 - 2453109
Pakistan Embassy603 - 2618877
Palestine Embassy603 - 4568905
Papua New Guinea
603 - 4532400
Philippines Embassy603 - 2484233
Poland Embassy 603 - 4576733
Romania Embassy 603 - 2423172
Romania-Trade Representation603 - 2482065
Saudi Arabia Royal Embassy603 - 4579433
Singapore High Commission 603 - 2616277
Spain Embassy 603 - 2484868
Sri Lanka High Commission603 - 2444403
Sudan Embassy603 - 4569104
Brunei Darussalam 603 - 2612800
Swedish Embassy 603 - 2485981
Switzerland Embassy603 - 2480622
Thailand Royal Embassy603 - 2488222
Turkish Embassy 603 - 4572226
U S S R Embassy 603 - 4567252
United Nations Dep't Programmed 603 - 2559122
United Nations - Refugees603 - 2411322
United States of America Embassy 603 - 2489011
Uruguay Embassy603 - 2433723
Venezuela Embassy 603 - 2633444
Vietnam Embassy 603 - 2484036
Yugoslavia Embassy 603 - 4564561
Zimbabwe Hugh Commission 603 - 4517252

Florist Telephone No
De Memory Hamper & Gifts03-5882 4290
Blooming Florist Sdn Bhd03-7803 3333

Airline CompaniesTelephone No
Air Asia03-8776 4690
Air India03-2142 0323
Cathay Pacific03-8787 2808/3808
China Airlines03-8776 6066/8
Eva Airways03-8776 6233
Garuda Indonesia03-8787 4064
Japan Airlines03-8787 1110
KLM Royal Dutch Airlines03-8776 6260/55
Lauda Air03-8776 6305/6
Lufthansa German Airlines03-2161 4666
Malaysian Airlines03-8776 4712
Northwest Airlines03-8776 6252
Singapore Airlines03-8776 6430/27
Thai International Airways03-8787 3522
Virgin Atlantic03-8787 1403

HospitalTelephone No
Assunta Hospital03-7782 3433
Damansara Specialist Hospital03-7722 2692
Gleneagles Intan Medical Centre03-4257 1300
Hospital Pantai Indah03-4289 2828
Hospital Putrajaya03-8888 0080
Institut Jantung Negara03-2617 8200
Kuala Lumpur General Hospital03-2615 5555
Mont' Kiara Medical City03-2382 3500
Pantai Cheras Medical Centre03-9132 2022
Pantai Klang Specialist Medical Centre03-3372 5222
Pantai Medical Centre03-2296 0888
Selayang Hospital03-6120 3233
Subang Jaya Medical Centre03-7491 9191
Sunway Medical centre03-7491 9191
Tawakal Specialist Hospital03-4023 3599
Tun Hussein Onn National Eye Hospital03-7956 1511

TaxiTelephone No
Airport Limo booking centre03-9223 8080
Airport Limo airport counter03-8787 3675
Jamaludin (cab plate #: WJH 7791) H/P:012 3775949
Mr Jeff (cab plate #: HWB 94) H/P:013 3619587
Mr Leong (cab plate #: HWB 48)H/P:013 3011567
Raja Zulhairi H/P:019 3964626
En AruH/P:012 2011530

Mass Transport SystemTelephone No
KLIA EXPRESS careline03-2267 8000
ERL Hotline03-2267 7777
KL Sentral03-2279 8888
PUTRA LRT (7-7pm, M-F, 11-3pm, Sat)1800 388 228
PUTRA LRT - after office hours017 331 7779
STAR LRT Hotline03-4294 2550
KL Monorail Hotline03-2272 3801
KTMB Hotline03-2272 2828
KTMB Call centre03-2267 1200
KTMB Subang Jaya station03-5634 1677
KTMB Klang station03-3371 9917

CHINESETelephone No
Golden Phoenix03-8925 1111
Little Penang Kafe03-2282 0215

Madam Kwan's03-2026 2297
Old China Cafe03-2072 5915
Penang House03-8313 1598 / 1599
Restoran Sam Pan03-7725 9255
Summer Palace Chinese Restaurant03-8949 8888 x1332
Xing Zhu Chinese Restaurant03-8312 7223

FUSIONTelephone No
Abdul & Charlie's03-8943 6688

ITALIANTelephone No
Piccolo Lago03-8889 3268

Okra03-7728 0290

JAPANESETelephone No
Kampachii 03-2161 7777
Oishi 03-2287 8113

MALAYTelephone No
Hot Sambal Restaurant03-7722 2205
Restoran Selera La Tumis03-8318 6730
Saloma Theatre Restaurant03-2161 0122
Seri Melayu03-2145 1833

SEAFOODTelephone No
Bangsar Seafood03-2282 2555
D'Fisherman Seafood Restaurant03-8889 1188
Kelana Seafood03-7803 8118

WESTERNTelephone No
Bytes Café03-8318 3868
Coliseum03-2692 6270
The Verandah03-8312 7018
Top Hat Restaurant03-8318 0018 / 20