31 July 2009

How Blackberry Hantam Apple iPhone!!!

Whats with the iPhone hype anyway? till now i also dunno whats so great about iPhone till an Ahlian fwen of mine (whois alredi in debtssss but willing to get more debtssssss) just to buy an iPhone lol .... then along the line Blackberry kam out to prey .... and the rest is being show in the short ads below ....

anden of coz apple (iPhone) hantam bek la!!!

In the end whois losing? Those baskets who is using iPhone and Blackberry la!!! kakakakaka!!! They using YOUR money to weck each others and all you get to do is watch then throw stupid words @ each others! kakakakaka!

Tenkot i m using Nokia! No-Kia izzit a parody to KIA korea brand? LOL!

30 July 2009

New Ahbeng Vacob : Sei-Kwai-Low

I think everyone should get at least one hongky (hong kong peeple la) fwen! Really! its entertaining to have hongky fwen wan! Hongky is somewhat like Singkapohlians with bad ingrish but both also want face like siao!

So i got this visiting hongky fwen kambing to msia for hornyday and he told me he want see msia jungle and hes a nature person la so i bring him to bukit belacan in ampang for jungle trekking blardee early in the morning ... the thing about this hongky is .. he got bad ingrish ... he can tok to me whole day and i still derno WTF hes toking about 90% of the time. ( and i derno wats wrong with him ... this barger just refused to tok in canto ... prolly suffering from kiasuism )

So there we are in bukit belacan jungle trekking then this barger suddenly shout from behind me

Hongky : Look! i see a Sei-Kwai-Low there!!!
Me : Where?
Hongky: There!!
Me : Where got Gwai low there?
Hongky: Not Gwai low! Its Sei-Kwai-low
Me : niahma dun tell me this place got ghost ah! I freaking leave u here one ka!
Hongky: NO NO!! not ghost ... its Sei-KWai-Low!!! the small small animal climb tree one .. got fluffly tail one ... NOT GHOST AH!
Me : MCB!!! that is squirrel!! NOT Sei-Kwai-Low!!!
Hongky: Thats what i said! its a Sei-Kwai-Low!!

Now you know why its nice to have ingris sepaking Hongky fwen! kakakaka!

28 July 2009

Success is ....

“Success is just like being pregnant ...

Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you were farkED!!!”

23 July 2009

KL Survival Guide : Driving for Expats

If u are new to KL or you gonna be in KL pretty soon be it for holiday, to work, to get asian chicks (pls leave some for the local dudes ok? you angmohs come here kauED all the chinese chicks then angmoh chicks who wants?) and you thinking of driving yourself in the city then you came to the right place! I been living in KL as far as i can remember! in fact i never left KL in the 30 odd years of my life!!! So hear me out!

  • 1. Traffic lights is only for decoration purposes! Yea u hear me right! Traffic light is not there to control traffic! they are just there to add some colors to the boring gray tar road! You do not need to pay any attention to them at all! No matter if its red, yellow or green .. all 3 colors means u can go! its ur turn to move! If you stop at traffic light you will get honked at and they will send their regards to your parents one!
  • 2. dont pay attention to indication signal light! Its an unwritten rule in KL ... we have an unwritten prank that we play on foreigners, we use the indication lights to prank them! to make them think we gonna turn right but infact we actually wanna turn left ... or not turning at all!!! So dont get punkED ok?
  • 3. Q jumping is ok by us! .... its like a game we play with each other, its like a tag game! car tag game ... if u dun wanna get tagged u let him in if you are tagged then you lose! But beware, if you were caught byt he referee during your tag game your will be fine a Maximum of RM50 on the spot! but then again that is highly negotiable ok?
  • 4. Double parking is a sign that u got balls! If you dare to triple park then u got BIG BALLS!! The more cars n traffic u managed to block ... the higher your score! Only pussies dont double park!
  • 5. We hate gentlemen! We think gentlemen is faggots & pussies! So .. dont give way! if you let them in .... they will look down upon you, send regards to your mader and give u "The Finger" when they got in! so to save watever machoness u got left ... die die also dun let them in!!!
  • 6. Do not stop at STOP sign .... those signs were put there by the brake pads manufacturers to speed up their sales! They more u brakes the faster u replace your brake pads!
  • 7. when you car broke down ... its ok to leave it right in the middle of the road without any warning signs to warn incoming traffic about your stalled vehicle. This is to give them the chances to learn evasive manuevers! this kinda chance dont come by everyday ok?
  • 8. Motorcycles is invisible! Yea ... it IS!!! you just pretend you never sees them at all!!! along your journey you would prolly bang onto at least 8 motorcycles and killed at least a dozens riders but its ok ... we got millions of them and majority of them dont even have a driving license!
  • 9. Banglas crossing the highways is also a good chance to pratice your targetting system! those bargers is slick! try to hit them at any cost!!! Dont worry we got plenty fo them too! this burgers keep kambing back one!!! same applies to indons and pakistanis!
  • 10. Its invitable that you will meet up with our natinal pride the "Mat Rempits" the local stunt hero on a bike ... if you hit any of these its double score for you!!!
There u have it! Top 10 things u must know as an expats if you wanna be driving in Malaysia!!! Dont say I no TELL YOU!!!

20 July 2009

Killing the Monday Blues

ok ok i got something to cure your monday blues pobem wan ....

I just learn this morning thru 98.8 lehlio stesen that the direct translation of Eskimo to cantonese reads as


WTF lol i thot Gay Moh is gay monster in canto ... niahma no wonder i been sked of eskimo peeples since my childhood time lol!

Then some magazine in Amadika did a survey about retired lich peeples from fortune 500 kompenis wan ...

They asked them lidis "if let u start over again ... what will you wanna impoof this round?"

The top 10 retired richest ahpek taukeh have the same answers, they said if they are given a chance to do it all over again, they would wanna spend more time with the family ... especially their chewRens instead of putting so much of their time in their businesses.

FARKIU LA! u farking lich ledi of coz u tell grandmader story la! what if u poor like me and u having trouble putting food on the table ... u gets all the time u want to spend with your family/chewrens (provided u got enuff money to feed them with) .. the only activity u guys can do together gether as family is prolly play "starve-to-death" then u can spend lotsa time with each other la! KNN!

Do you think in this world got one photographer who is into taking pics of shits? ... I mean ... look at your own shit! its a masterpiece!!! everytime got different different items innit arranged in such a way that like no like any other shit in the world wan!!! its one UNIK SHIT!! aint that worth framing up?! KAKAKAKA!!!

I think today i eat wrong medicine ledi la ....

17 July 2009

My Lame is Betina Lee

Yea i met a girl by the name of Betina Lee a few days back ... I really kenot briff my ears when my Ahlian fwen intro her to me ....

Ahlian fwen : eh lemme intro my fwen to you ... her name is Betina Lee
Me : Oh hi! nice to meet you .... i m sorry I didnt quite get your name
She : Oh .. i get that very frequent, my name is Betina Lee
Me : Belinda Lee?
She : urm no .. not belinda ... its Betina ...
Me : How do you spell that?
She : B ... E ....T ....I ....N ....A
Me : Oh wow! i dint see that coming! Unik name wei!!!
She : Tenkiu ... so wats yours?
Me : Oh how rude of me ... I m Tan .... JANTAN!!


15 July 2009

Studio Portraits of Rachel Muriel taken @ Sonystyle indoor Studio The Curve.

Studio Portraits @ Sonystyle indoor Studio The Curve.

Model : Rachel Muriel
Location : Sonystyle indoor Studio The Curve







Its getting dark


One of the few very pleasant model to work with, natural smile and very very easy going. Thank you Rachel for a nice session! Looking forward to shoot with you again in the future!

14 July 2009

Who Want Try?

One Ahbeng in Penang bring his pet dog rottweiler to the kopitiam and the kopitiam taukeh tell him to go home becoz he dunwan that fierce dog in there scaring everyone in the kopitiam.

Taukeh : Ahbeng ... pls take your dog n go home! dun sked my kastermers pls.
Ahbeng : Taukeh lu mai werry la! This rottweiler look firece only but he is very well train.
Taukeh : Ahbeng pls bring your dog out of my kopitiam can?
Ahbeng : Taukeh releks la! kam kam ... i poof to you this dog very well train one ok?

Ahbeng then ask his ferocious rottweiler to open it's mouth .... unzip his pants and take out his KKC and put it into the dog's mouth ... with his KKC still in the rottweiler mouth he hit it's head with his fist a few times and later pulled out his KKC and show to the taukeh.

Ahbeng : See? my KKC still leng ... no bite marks ...
Taukeh : Aiyah! i dun let u bring him in my kopitiam not bcoz i sked he will bite u la! I sked he will bite my other kastermers la!
Ahbeng : Kanneh! you boh trust me izzit? Nabeh i poof to you!
Taukeh : How u wan poof?

Then Ahbeng pulled out a RM100 bill from his poket, stand on a chair and made an annoucement ....

"I will give this RM100 to anyone who dare come and to try!"
Then out of nowhere one Ahlian standup and say ....

Ahlian : I do it! but i got one condition wor ....
Ahbeng : Ok ... what condition lu wan?
Ahlian : Lu have to plomise me you wont hit my head first!

10 July 2009

5 Reasons Why I Lafu Ms. Racheal Kum Singkapoh Miss Universe Deep Deep!!!

I just happened to find out whois Miss Rachael Kum.
Rachael, a manager in the medical industry and a graduate in pedagogy, will represent Singapore at the Miss Universe 2009, which will be held at the Atlantis Paradise Island in Nassau, Bahamas, on August 23 2009.
She is Singkapoh's Miss Universe wei!!! n I lafu her dip dip!!! Why I lafu her dip dip? Lemme tell u why i lafu her deep deep!

No. 1 reason why i lafu her dip dip is .... She got mehnee mehneee sui Ahlians fwens!!!!
Mana mau cari?!!

No.2 reason why i lafu her dip dip is .... her fwens whether Ahbengs or Ahlians got powderfool sense of pesyen wan wei!!! Look at their cool pesyen and try not to be jeles ok?!

No.3 reason why i lafu her dip dip is .... she is not a sexist!!! She no discriminate wan! She even willing to be fwen with a dickhead! N hugged him/her/it! how often u find this kinda nais person nowadays?!

No.4 reason why i lafu her dip dip is ... i tink shes very charitable person ... look at this pikcher ... she feed the pity hungwee girl! Awww she so suweettt~~

No.5 reason why i like Rachael Kum dip dip is .... err .. this one no nid i tell u .. u also know why la!

Now who want join me open a Rachael Kum fan kab in KL?

Pic source

8 July 2009

What do you do when you fight with your Mum? Auction off her Naked Photos Online la!

No, I m not making this up!

This super freaking sick shit happened in New Zealand (the place where sheep is a man best's "frend" LOL!) thereis this 18 yrs old boy/kid, Micheal put his 44 years old mother (Jennifer) naked photos online for auction at trademe.com.nz under the title "Five naked photos of my mum"after an arguement with his mother.

Then of coz the auction were later remove by the site admin ... The moral of the story here is ... if you got naked pics of yourself ... dont piss off your kids! LOL!

The story actually do not ends here ok? A second auction were put up by Micheal after the 1st one was removed! This time with her 44 yrs old mother approval!!! WTF!!!?? When contacted by the media Micheal komen was "We're not rich or anything" LOL!

His mum response was "There's nothing dodgy about them. They were taken by a family friend about eight years ago" and "I wanted 50 per cent of the sale but more than that, I miss the nice comments."

The second auction were viewed 11,000 times before the admin of the website taken them down, when contacted they told the media "We don't really want to be the place where people list photos of their mums in their underwear".

Here is 1 of the 44 yrs old Jennifer's photo for your viewing pleasure!

If you wanna see more of the pics Micheal put up for auction ... Click HERE

Moral of the entire story? DONT GO NEW ZEALAND!!!! LOL! or if you are a MILF ... then you prolly should book a tix there ASAP!!!

Photo & Story source

Attention Ahbengs and Ahlians!!!


I want habe beLibus Libus fwens can?! Will you be my fwens? will u? will u?

7 July 2009

I Won RM2.3 Million from SHELL!!!

No briff me?

Got this international SMS in Bahasa Malaysia .... Prolly a China number +62817892620 yesday morning telling me that I won RM2.3millions from a SHELL contest!!!

The RM3.5 million Khir Toyo Balinese design mansion/mini castle, RM3.5million wei! Yau mou?!

Now ... I only need another RM1.2 millions to be able to own a house/mansion/mini castle like Khir Toyo! Maybe tomolo morning I will get anoder SMS from China telling me I won anoder contest that i never joined before then i will goan look for Khir Toyo and buy his house with the 2 SMSes! U think he want sell to me mou?

Adult's Hotel in Nanning China, The Hotel with Happy Ending!

In China Nanning they created an adult's hotel where the adults can go there and indulge in their favourite activities!

What is Adult's hotel? This is a place where u can take your favourite biao mei come and in the end got "Happy Ending" wan! lol

Lets see how special is this Adult Hotel in Nanning ok?

This is how the room looks like ....

In every single room got one ball, a spesel Happy ending sexcercise chair and a the main attraction is a very very spesel bed!

First its the ball ... its an Sexercise ball ... as they call it ... how to use this ball? I really derno ... i mean i could imagine but its still dont seem right lol! So, i hope they got enclose a instruction manuals on how to use this ball in the room or else I do foresee lotsa Ahbengs/Ahlians is gonna end up hurting their spine! KAKAKAKAKAA!!!

Next, we got this sexercise chair for the hamsap but lazy baskets! The Ahlian will lie down on the chair and the Ahbeng will sit on that auto-thurs-tic blue thingy with a boner ... turn it on and viola!! Effort free happy ending!!! I think this chair can set speed one also LOL! The thing is ... do you think they got sanitize this sexercise chair each time the customers checked out anot? I cant imagine the chair being sticky and germsss ... eewww!!

And lastly we came to the last spesel item in the room ... the Happy Ending Bed! This bed very unik ... bcoz without this bed there is alotsa new style u kenot try! Style that u never imagine possible before! With this new bed your "Happy ending" life is raised to a new level!

How to use this bed? Its not clearly stated ... i guess they want you to be creative ler ... but not wanting you to be dissapointed .... they showed you "one" of the most favorite style that you can try!

This style is call SuperAhlian!!

How? SuperAhlian style got sexciting anot? see edi got this sudden sexcitement wanna try anot? See??! i told u that this bed is very LENG wan!! the possibilities is limitless!

And dont be afraid to Sexplore new frontier ok? The best thing is ... i heard downstairs at the ground floor got one "traditional" massage center also! so in case you hurt you back ... can go there n get a massage too! I m sure that message center also got "Happy Ending" one!!! LOL!

Nanning anyone? I can get lu discounted seats leh!

6 July 2009

Youngest DSLR Photographer?

My 7 yrs old Lil Devil Tagged along with me to The Curve Sony style studio for a portraits session with the newly launched Sony AlphaA230, half way thru the session he told me that he wanna shoot too and seing the A230 being so lightweight I let him have a go .... and thats how he became the center of attention, everyone is taking his photos instead of the model and also by that he became the Youngest DSLR photographer I know LOL!

Lil Devil with the newly launched Sony Alpha A230, thru the viewfinder.

Lil Devil looking at the settings on an Sony Alpha A230

Everyone moved back and let him have the most ideal position in front for this shots

I checked the photos he took .... not bad for a beginner!

Model and Photographer

There! the youngest DSLR user i came across @ only 7 yrs old attended his first model shoot in a studio ... have you meet anyone younger? Lidis can masuk guiness book or rekod anot wan ar? LOL!

Sony Alpha a230 soft launch in Malaysia

Was given a chance to do a hands on review on the newly launched Sony Alpha A230 @ The Curve Sony Style last saturday together with about 20 other Alpha enthusiast.

I was told that this Sony Alpha a230 is already up for sale in some other countries for about a month and now its finally arrived.

Created as a replacement model to the Sony Alpha A200, the new model has got a different mission from its predecessor.

Sony Alpha a230 with a wide variety of Carl Zeiss lenses for our hands on review.

Galore of A230s

Sony Alpha A230

New On-Off button which resembles the one on Nikon and Canon

Taller internal flash height eliminating shadows on your subject when using a lens with a big hood attached.

Preset Mode on the Alpha A230

New GUI with interactive "help" guidance, indentical of those found in Sony Alpha A330 as well.

Colored Fn menu compares to the monochrome layout in the old Alpha A200

Alpha A2330 with SAL DT 1855 kitlens

Dual card slots, SD and HMC duo.

Smaller battery

Smaller grip compares to A200 and they have a pretty good reason for this.

Kevin Wong, Sony product manager for Alpha division explaining the functionality of the new A230 to the crowds.

George showing a new flash HVLF20AM thats expected to hit Malaysia Market in the middle of July'09/ end July'09.

The Alpha A230 is so light even a 7 years old kid can handle it.

And here is some samples shots from the newly launched Sony Alpha A230 taken on sunday during a portraits session @ The curve Sony style Studio.

My take on the new Sony alpha A230 :
  1. 1. Sony reposition their entry level DSLR and the direction is now more favourable toward those who would like to upgrade from point and shoot. Particularly those who is seeking an upgrade from their cybershots cams.
  2. 2. Lightweight body and lens favours those who do not like to travel with heavy photography gears even kids can hold it.
  3. 3. New body design (smaller grip), new buttons and reduced size which is suppose to be more ergonomic for one hand shooting.
  4. 4. Beginners friendly, great for those who thought DSLR could be scary, easy enough for a kid to use it!
  5. 5. Fashion junky frendly with color matching accessories to compliments your fashion taste.
  6. 6. Cheap! @ RM1,799 (approximately USD529.00) there is one less reason not to move into DSLR photography.
  7. 7. Bunddled with SAL DT18-55mm f3.5-5.6 kitlens, this baby one really one great advance lens! Sharp throughout its range, great flare control (even without a hood), great colors and lightweight all in one package!
  8. 8. Improved ISO handling compares to the older Alpha A200.

Sony Alpha aA230 retail at RM1,799.00 with SAL DT 1855 kitlens, interest free easy payment scheme available for more details click HERE.

3 July 2009

When Hitler found out Micheal Jackson is Dead

What happened if Hitler found out that MJ is dead? Heres what happened!

I m sorry again Mr. Micheal Jackson ... but this is too good not to be shared.

No Hidden Charges Airlines Battle! Air New Zealand takes it to a new level!

Yea .. we seen it all, no fuel surcharge la .... no admin fees la ... but thats all is old news you see ... Air New Zealanf takes "No Hidden Charges / Nothing to Hide Thingy" to a next level!!! They open their books and let u see them buck naked kinda "No Hidden Charges!"

Dun briff? Watch this video below!

At first glance i also dint notice it ... it took me 3 replays to realised that all their employees is actually naked with draw-on-body (bodyart) uniform! Watch closely! Now .. thats what i call "Really Nothing to hide!" LOL! Freaking creative! Welldone!

Via Wahlau.net

2 July 2009

Ahbeng Steal Dress

Ahbeng broke into a boutique (dress shop la!) afew times to steal dress but he so hakjai kena caught by the bangla sekiu guard and handed over to the polis which later dragged his ass to a court to be judged.

At the courtroom the judge ask him lidis one ....

Judge : Ahbeng .. i read my report here say you broke into the same boutique 4 times in 1 night.
Ahbeng : Yes taikor judge sir ... i admit
Judge: What you stole?
Ahbeng : I stole only one Prada dress Taikor judge sir!
Judge: You broke the same boutique 4 times in a night and you only stole 1 dress?
Ahbeng : Yes taikor judge sir! i no bruff u wan! oni 1 prada dress.
Judge: How is that possible? you return 4 times you could at least cart away no less than 100 dresses!
Ahbeng : Taikor judge sir ... its lidis one u see .... the first 3 times my Ahlian wife dont like the color of the prada dress .. so i kena go back tot he boutique and change different color lor.

So there ... whether u r shopping or stealing ... its the same! women is lidat wan! kakakaka!

Are You Hungry Yet?

You thinkin what you wanna habe for dinner yet?

Wat about one freakiest juicy tenderloin steak lidis?!

1 July 2009

When we grow old ...

Overheard this conversation by 2 oldleli toking bout their husband at a hair saloon while waiting for my wife to get her hair done ....

Oldleli1 : I tell u hor ... my Ahbeng recently got this habit of bite his finger nails one, last time dont have leh! everytime i see him bite his nails hor i feel very yucky leh!
Oldleli2 : Eh ... my Ahbeng last time also lidis ... but i made him stop.
Oldleli1 : wuah ... how u do it wan? i tried everything but my Ahbeng just dun wanna stop bite nails leh!
Oldledi2 : oh ... its easy jek ... i hide his false teeth

LOL! Hey anyone will eventually grow old ok? so dont luff so loud can?