30 May 2008

Dont be Shy, Dig Your Nose then EAT YOUR SNOT!!!

dignose

I love to dig nose! I really do! I dont dig my nose often becoz if dig too often then kenot get enuff to make a big ball one la! So what i do is I oni dig once a day ... thats rite after shower.

Why after shower? becoz shower ledi the tahi hidung/bei see/snot kena water it will bekam soft soft n moist moist one ... can be easily dug out and can easily shapre to whatever shape you wan! Can roll roll with fingers also!!

Why I like to dig nose? ... you mean you dont like ar? MCH! digging nose is like sex ... your finger is having sex with your nose lidat! Its one of the pleasure in life man! If you dun like it then you probably a lesbo! Lesbo dun like to kena poke wan mah!

Fortunately my son also inherited the art of nose digging from me LOL! That fler lagi power ... he has been digging his nose eversince hes a baby! Unfortunately his mum dont like him digging his nose in public! LOL!

BUT NOW .... we all got more reason to dig our nose! Well not actually now lar! Zewt sent me this email and after some cross reference with Google I found that this article is dated back to year 2003. It says here ....

Digging your nose and eat your own snot/bei see/taik hidung is good for your own health!!! Said Prof Dr Friedrich Bischinger, a fehmes Vienna lokter.

Dunch briff me? I alredi expect u all lidat wan la! .... nah! read yourself la! after u read then if you are one of those who doubted me b4 you read this article ... then goan let dog fark la! LOL

picknose
Click on the Image to read ... for the actual newspaper article to be readable I kenot shrink it and put it here so instead i host it somewhere else. To read just click on the image above. Btw the article is in BM.


I wonders what would my own snot taste like? I heard from a frend of mine (his name is Malcolm and hes studying in uni of Nottingham Semenyih *he paid me to type this line wan! he said he wanna be fehmes bcoz lotsa his fwens all got read rojaks wan!* ) whom taste his own snots before that snots are salty! No wonder that fler dem hamsap la!

29 May 2008

Cheras Mahkota Toll Free Road ReopenED!!!!!!!

Again this morning my this ahpek fwen called me again to wake me up from my slumberland ....

Ahsoon : Jou san! (good moaning)
Me : Niahma you again ar? Wat u want?
Ahsoon : Oi so erly dunwan say bad words can ar?
Me : Diuniasing lu ... if got one sohai every morning also call 9 u to wake u up from your sweet dreams will u fark 9 him anot?
Ahsoon : haha dun lidat la! Today i call u bcoz got good news la!
Me : Why? yesday nite got luen sui again ar at Bandar mahkota cheras?
Ahsoon : MCH lu! got luen sui is good news meh?
Me : haha then?
Ahsoon : The toll free road is reopen la! you can save 90 sens today.
Me : Oh ... no gaduh yesday nite?
Ahsoon : Nope.
Me : No polis no FRU?
Ahsoon : Got!
Me : But nobody kena weck?
Ahsoon : Nope! They even let them remove all the slabs as long as they abide to the law.
Me : Wuahhh ... this is new ... really no gaduh?
Ahsoon : Well after kena weck by gangster unexpectedly yesday .... today suma peeple are ready. They all come "well prepared" my fwens told me he saw lotsa "kachangs" lying on the side of the road. But the phuackers gangsters no balls to kam today. Their piktures is all over the internet ledi!
Me : Wuah ... u also know about internet ka?
Ahsoon : Of coz la! Got free p0rn of coz i must learn!!!
Me : KAKAKAKAKA Farkiu la!

On the way to work I drove to Mahkota Cheras Toll free road and took this video :



From the video you can see got one reporter is still taking piktures and there is a group of ppl who sitting on the grass of shoulder of the road probably taking turn guarding the place to make sure the toyol toll kompeni dun kambek make another cibai wall again! And you can see the deep scratch marks on the road leading to the spot where the concrete slabs rest. The residents pool about 900 bucks on the spot yesday to hire a big ass lorry to pull those farking bigass concrete slabs there one.

"niahma you think u can hire gangstas we kenot hire ka? jom we kolek money from everyone and hire gangstas to weck 9 their gangsta! Cibai lu ... bully us ka? Now u die!" kakaka this caption i sindiri add one ok? buden this might be what they thinking also wat? LOL!!

Then as usual, i searched for the latest news related to Bandar Mahkota la! To my suprise today really got dem lotsa new about BMC (bandar mahkota cheras) wan!

  1. Cheers as residents pull down controversial barricade
  2. MB: We’ll have an EGM soon
  3. Police action on those creating chaos
  4. Contempt of court
  5. Bandar Mahkota Cheras residents urge Federal Govt to intervene

28 May 2008

Mahkota Cheras Saga Part Four!

This moaning i received anoder call from AhSoon again ....

AhSoon : oi! notchet wakeup ka?
Me : Wakeup ledi la ... mehsi?
AhSoon : Wuah yesday Bandar mahkota cheras here got luen sui(fight) man!
Me : Huh? when was it?
AhSoon : Yesday nite!
Me : The resident there goan weck the wall izzit?
AhSoon : Yar! then got gangster kam and weck the resident!!! Phuiyoo!!! they will got got blood everywhere i heard! Head also picah ledi!
Me : Wuah!!! diu lor!! now gangster also join ka? Got polis anot?
AhSoon : Polis later oni kam ... after gaduh ledi then oni they kam.
Me : Diu lor ... now getting more n more complicated edi ... then the road open edi anot now?
AhSoon : kakaka no la! u use the toll road la!
Me : Diu then u call me for what?
AhSoon : Purposely dun wanna let u sleep so much wan!
Me : MCH!!! @#%$$!!!

After I kam to opis i search search and find from The Star really got ppl kena weck! This is an excerpt taken from the Star online website :

Until last night, five of the injured had lodged reports at the Kajang police headquarters.

One of the victims, who only wanted to be known as Ina, said she and her husband with their four-year-old son were watching the drama when a group of men suddenly attacked them.

A resident, who only wanted to be known as Ken, said he was hit by a helmet and a pipe on his neck and back.

“I was only watching them pairing down the concrete sledge when suddenly a bunch of people arrived and started beating everyone up. I ran after I was beaten several times but some others were injured quite badly,” said the 28-year-old.

Another resident Kenny Ki, 45, said a group of men came in two cars and five motorbikes.


IMAG0829

I took some piktures when i was passing thru the area this morning ... looks like the 6feet barricade wall only left 3 feet high compares to the pikture i took yesday.

Looks like the story aint gonna just end lidat .... now till gangsta also involved ledi .... later involve what else??? .... lidis go on kalo in the long run both party also losing!

Cham cham!!!!

More related news link below :
1. Standoff over Mahkota Cheras barricade
2. Stalemate as Grand Saga reconstructs barricade
3. Barricade re-erected, clashes with residents
4. Bandar Mahkota Havoc

27 May 2008

Cheras Mahkota Toll Company Striked Back!

Early in the morning i received a phone call from Ahsoon, my fwen from Bandar Mahkota Cheras. He told me not to use the toll free Mahkota Cheras road anymore because in the midnite someone "ghost ghost rat rat" come n "steal steal" put farking big concrete blocks on the road to block it!!

Action lidis is call Big Cock wear small pants! Big kompeni also do "ghost ghost rat rat" things lidis MCH!!!

I thot this case closed ledi one? the land belongs to the state gomen and they got no rights to close it BUT some farker STILL go ahead and close it so that they can poket a few hundred thousands extra bucks a day!!!!

U say DIU not DIU??!!!


IMAG0825


As if life is not difficult enuff ... other than the forever increasing cost of living we still kena stand up to blood sucker MAHAI toyol company as such!

You think Cheras Mahkota resident will keep quiet anot? nvm ... later lunch time i go get some "wind" and see ...

FARKIU Toyol toll Company!!!

22 May 2008

Whats the Max Speed for Sex?

One day Ahbeng and his frend eat full ledi waiting for shit to come .... sit down tok kok n sing song . Then suddenly Ahbeng mia frend Ahock asked this question ....


Ahock : Eh ... what is the fastest speed for sex ever recorded ar? Guiness book or rekod got say anot?
Ahbeng : Diu! that one no nid refer Guiness book of world rekod I also know the answer la!
Ahock : Ah?? Sure boh? you abit gong gong lidt suddenly so cleber one meh?
Ahbeng : farkiu la! I not gong kia ok? this is call pretend pig eat tiger u no?!!
Ahock : ok la ok la ... then u tell me what is the fastest speed for sex ever recorded la!
Ahbeng : Aiyo this one very easy la! Its 68km/h lor!
Ahock : Har? apasal 68km/h? why not 100km/h? 200km/h?
Ahbeng Niahma! say u no sexperience u dun briff! MAx speed for sex is 68km/h oni la! when u reach 69 then u kena turn around ledi!
Ahock : Wuahahahahahaha!!!! Farkiu la!

20 May 2008

ExMafia - Yo Gangsta Paradise! MMORPG

Got back into MMORPG (Massive Multiplayers Online Role Playing Game) lately and this time its a Gangsta kinda game where you get to kickass and kill some baskets and rob peeple, and gang wars all Ahbeng/Ahlong/kuwakchai style!

This game is Call ExMafia!!


What is Mafia? Wuah this one is Italiano la! Its the same like Ahlong in Ahbeng's language wan! The only different is they got wear tie and Ahlong no wear tie to work oni! LOL!!

A new round just started 1 day ago and if you join now ngam ngam chun as everyone restart from zero so you wont kena bully!

Kam! join me play Ahlong in the game! Click HERE to register la! We kasi bikin Ahlong in the game and we kick those angmohs butt la! Chun Boh? Wait hamik wait? Faitit register and show them some Ahbeng Power!


The registration screen

Registration is easy just fill in your particular and you can start playing alredi! Dun wait long long la! I wait for lu ok? HEre is the registration link in case you kenot find the previous one.



Note : If you registerED edi ... kam find me la! I got guns mau kasi lu! Then u no need susah susah go buy gun la! can straight weck angmohs kahcheng ledi!!! How to find me? Goto "Boston" then look under "Hall of Fame" then click on "Mobster's Search" then key in "Wingz" then click on "Wingz" and goto the bottom of the page and select "[Send Mail]" then i will gibe lu powderfool gun to weck the angmohs wokeh?!!

15 May 2008

How You Know Hes Gay wan?



I wanna brog since 9am and here I am still struggling to find that few minutes snaking time to brog! Anyway ... a note prior to the post.

WARNING
: Contains Gay/Lesbian elements. Those who kenot take Gay/Lesbian joke please do not proceed. If you feel easily offended about your sexual preferences also pls do not proceed. Others proceed at your own risk.



Ahbeng mia Son call AhBoon was away for his first week in a college in KL. Ahbeng dem worry about his son bcoz this is the 1st time he go away long long wan.

Then finally its weekend and Ahbeng mia son kambek ledi ..... Ahbeng see him kambek fast fast open door for him but somehow Ahbeng see AhBoon face dem bohsong (tak-syok/not happy) lidat so Ahbeng mai ask AhBoon lidis la!

Ahbeng : Son ah son ... anything wrong at kolej anot?
AhBoon : Aiyah ... kolej very sien lar fader!
Ahbeng : Why sien lar son?
AhBoon : I think my roomate (Pierre) hor ... is gay wan leh!
Ahbeng : Har? How you know wan?!!
AhBoon : I know la!
Ahbeng : Tell me how you know wan laaaa
AhBoon : Haiyah! His kukuciao hor ... taste like shit wan leh!!
Ahbeng : sweat_01

13 May 2008

Alo?! Aunty Ahlian Catering!

A rekoding by the DJs of 98.7fm (izzit hitzfm or traxxFM?) prank calling this Ahlian Aunty pretending to be ordering food for the upkambing party ... Its teh dem kok funny!!! gerentik!!! If U no luff i gibe lu your marney bek!


Please remember DONT luff loud loud in the opis ok? Later ppl thot u something long wan!



Medium cock also got! big cock also got! 3 cocks for the plice of 1! You want ah? You get the medium ah ... 30sen more I gibe you BIG cock! Cock very nice one la! no nid to werry!

WUAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! MY stomach very pain ledi wei!!!

12 May 2008

Suanie Can Act! BeeYamDaBeu Chikin Lice Misteri!

Who say blogger is made of unemployed women wan??!!! Not oni this woman is employed but she also is a pilem star!!! All bcoz she blogs can?!

Shes no ader than the fler who taught me that "round is a shape ... therefore I m in shape!" Suanieeeeeeeeee the liang lui!!!

She kanna cast in this mobie call Chikin Lice Misteri dilekted by another this Ahbeng Dilekter Swifty together they taruk the chikin lice misteri mobie into BeeYamDabeu shorties 2008 hoping to win some oscar or academy awards.

Now lemme show you some footage I stole from Suan's brog.


This is how Suan roll eyes .... see see? she got talent or what??!!! just this pose alone can win oscar ledi!!! if she roll eye lidat to me on the spot i can climax sial!

In this pilem .... suan the pilem star is playing the role of a pwetty ahlian aunty whom loves to eat lollipop and chikin lice wan! Why she like lolipop and chikin lice? U watch the mobie yourself la!

See?! SEE?! Suan dem chun rite?!!! her lips can win angelina guli!!! Pheeewweetttt~!!!!


Of coz chun la! Got popetsehnel kasi mekap sama lia wan wor!!!

The short mobie is really really mind boggling wan! dem Ahbeng style mia mobie! Filled with komidi and drama and tragedy and misteri!!! Made in Mareysiah!!! Sommo the Dilekter gua mia brader!

Swifty the Ahbeng Dilekter!

Sapot Ahbeng Producksyen wei!!!

Vote For Ahbeng Dilekter wei!!!

How to Vote? Kam lemme teech lu!

Lidis wan :
1) Go to http://www.bmwshorties.com.my
2) Click on ‘VOTE NOW’
3) Click on the last thumbnail in the gallery
4) Click on ‘WATCH NOW’
5) Click on ‘VOTE THIS

Lets show peeple some Ahbeng pahwer can? Kanneh ... if not ppl see us no up wan!!! GO VOTE NOW!! Suan plomise to blanja u all eat lolipop if she wins!!! dun briff u ask her la!

9 May 2008

Phuiyo! Standoff at Mahkota Cheras!

I Was driving to work this morning and heard from the radio that there were some commotion happening at the barricaded road in Bandar Mahkota Cheras but not much details were mentioned the DJs just said there were tear gas fired and water cannon being used, nothing much after that.

Unaware of the whole situation I kambek to opis and goan read The Star this is what i found ...

KAJANG: Four people were picked up after they demonstrated at Bandar Mahkota, Cheras, due to road works being carried out at a traffic light junction leading to the area.

The demonstration which saw about 1,000 people, mostly residents from the nearby areas, gathering from 4pm to stop the work conducted by workers.

The protesting crowd played a cat-and-mouse game with the authorities until 10.30pm when the situation worsened.




Segambut MP Lim Lip Eng pulled the plug of a generator before standing in front of a water cannon to prevent the police from aiming it at the crowd.


[Source]


Wah lan eh! Need to use tear gas meh? MP from Segambut (Lim Lip Eng) also kena weck sial! Toll Luit mia pasal suma bun hantam la! ... sigh ...



Then I found this Video in Youtube about yesday nite mia incident one. You can see the water cannon is being used in the short clip



I hope this wont get worst because apparently the barricade was not there when i pass thru this morning. Did the residents removed it or the authority did not managed to erect the barricade at all? Will the authority go bek tonite to place the barricade again? Only time will tell ... sommo tonite is weekend if got wayang sure got more ppl kamout wan! Tomolo no work ma! ... I seriously hope nothing bad is gonna happen.



Really diu this time!

8 May 2008

Peeple Pahwer at Mahkota Cheras!

I took this pikture below in February, its a pikture of a banner made by the residents of Mahkota Cheras and Sg Long demostrating their dissatisfactions at the toll kompeni for closing what supposingly to be anoder access road into Mahkota Cheras (by placing big big concrete barricades on the road) built by the developer. This road is closed by the Toyoltoll kompeni bcoz it bypass one of "their" toll.

The TulanED residents of Mahkota Cheras and Sg Long made this banner befoh the erection ... and they really mean what they said ... needless to BN lost ledi la.


IMAG0446.1


Then come last month (April'08) the residents in Mahkota Cheras and Sg Long lost their patients (beh tahan ledi) they together gether (hundreds of peeples) bring big tractors goan destroy the concrete barricades erected by the Toyol Toll kompeni

open-edi

After that the residents of Mahkota Cheras and Sg long setup camps at the juntion there to make sure that the ToyolToll kompeni dun kambek and sabo them kaw kaw .... of coz the Toyol toll company wont gibeup so easily la ...

Yesday the Toyol toll kompeni strikes back! This time they bring pahwerfool redhead army with them. They wanna close the road back!!!

frumahkota
Toyol Toll Kompeni strikes bek! [source]


"Yesterday evening, the concessionaire put the barriers back in place. The angry residents had gathered earlier yesterday to prevent the concessionaire from the placing the barriers.

Tensions ran high when the residents had a stand off with Federal Reserve Unit personnel, who were on standby."
Read full article HERE!

And you think peeple from Mahkota Cheras and Sg Long just gonna sit there and watch??!! HELL NO!!! They regroup and strike back!!! I dunno the detials .... but this morning when i passing thru i saw the road is reopen and they setup camp again!!! Look at the pikture i took below!

mahkota-cheras


I salute these residents of Bandar Mahkota Cheras and Sg Long! they no let some baskets push them around and block their road wan! Pahwer to the Peeple of Mahkota Cheras and Sg Long!!! I sapot lu!!! Gua Caya Samu lu brader!

This is peeple pahwer ok? tarak main racial racial mia ... cina, malay,india, bengali suma together gether kasi plotek sama their housing area. This is betui betui Peeple Pahwer la!

In anoder related matter, it was reported in the news today that ....

"Ministry's study on highway concessions may see lower rates

KUALA LUMPUR: The Works Ministry will review highway concessions which may result in lower toll rates.

Minister Datuk Mohd Zin Mohamed said he would call for a detailed study to be carried out before reviewing the concession agreements.

“We will compare the toll collections, and maintenance and operational costs, as well as ‘heavy’ maintenance costs,” he told reporters at the Parliament lobby yesterday."

You know ... altho i dun skool much and no degree or master ... but i no nid study I also know one thing. The profit of all toll kompeni has been increasing steadily over years even without increasing toll prices.

Why?! its common sense ok? Toll collection is in direct relation with the numbers of cars on the road! If you have more cars on the road means more revenue for toll kompeni! If not where else you can use your cars on? On water ar?! Diu!

So ... as a driver yourself ... do you think the numbers of cars in KL have been increasing all these years??!! THERES YOUR ANSWER LA!


Zoo not Appropriate for Kids Anymore!

Last time when im a kid (long long time ago la!) going to Zoo is kinda like a family event lidat! Of coz kids from my era loves going to Zoo la!

Now fast forward 20+ yrs later .... not only that woman who travelling to overseas alone kena get letter from her mader .... kids under 18 yrs old also gonna be barred from going to zoo ledi!!!

Yea ... i briff the day will soon kam where u gotta be at least 18yrs old to be allowed to go into the zoo ... why?

This is why!

image001.40
Who know me better than myself? I have unique prefrences ok?


image002.28
who say no tounge kenot do cunnilingus?!! Use nose la!


image003.31
In the Wild going Wild?! Can you tell which is male and which is female? or ... all is male??!! LOL!

image004.27
If lidis also u dun understen then you really shouldnt be reading this ok? Go ask your mum to make you a cuppa milk or sumthing.



image005.26
Here mister kangaroo, have some water. you must be thirty after all that exercise!


image006.23
Aahhhh ... this is life babeh!!!


When they said a trip to the local Zoo in educational .... dun you ever ever doubt that ok? it is educational la! Just dun bring underage chewren along can edi! lol!

7 May 2008

How Do You Measure Life?

Someone asked me whether I m giving up blogging? If not why am I blogging so much lesser these days?

I dont think I will be giving up blogging anytime soon because, its my lifelong dreams to be able to share happiness and laughters but recently I m kinda stuck in a junction. Its like I completed one level of my life and now I m kinda choosing which next level shall I proceed to next.

Today I learnt something very meaningful and I thot I would wanna write it down here in my blog before I lost this feeling.

How do you measure life?
"Some people would tell you its measured by the one they left behind ... some believe it can be measured in faith ... some say by love ... other folks says life have no meaning at all ... me?.... I believed that you measure yourself by the people who measured themselves by you."

Deep enuff? Remember this paragraph above ... it might makes lotsa differences in another level in your life. :)

5 May 2008

Processed Food and Peanut Diet Program


WARNING :

Not Yet Eat - Dun read!
Going To Eat - Also Dun read!
Eat Ledi - Lagi Dun read!

If you read ledi and got drastic changes to your apetite or digestive system ... dun kam find me wokeh? U been warned! Others proceed under own risk la!



Befoh I begin with today mia story ... lets take a moment to ponder on what I m gonna tell you next.

We all eat processed food such as nuggets, hot dogs and burger, have you ever thot of what kinda stuffs they put in these products? izzit as simple as only pure meat, seasoning, colors and flavourings or is there anything else? How can we be certain of what we are putting into our stomach ar? Its a scary thot when you dunno what you r chucking into your mouth innit? Welokam to the modern world!

Since we are toking bout processed food ... I got a story to share with lu guys. I got this Ahbeng frend who tried to lose some weight by trying some dieting program. He gonna get mehlid end of this year therefore he wanna look good in his mehlid pikture la!

Few days ago .. i met him at the kopitiam having blekfas by himself ... so I walked over and greet him la ... there rest is lidis one ...

Me : Ahbeng! Wuah 2 month no see u ledi wor! Where u been la?
Ahbeng : Oi brader! Amajiam? kam kam sit sit! I order kopi kaw for lu.
Me : I fine tenkiu! U how? so long no see u ledi leh! Hows your diet program la?
Ahbeng : Wuah you still remember the diet program ka?
Me : Of coz la! you plomise me to share the recipe if sucksesfool wan wor!
Ahbeng : It dint werk ler ... i start for a few days and stop ledi ...
Me : Why lidat wan? maybe it will work on me leh? everyone got a different body system ma! Kam kam! tell me about the diet program la.
Ahbeng : Its lidis one ... its call peanut diet program, you only can eat peanut and drink water and nothing else. 3 meals a day suma hantam peanuts oni.

Me : Ok wor! I like peanuts one leh!
Ahbeng : I also love peanuts leh! But if you eating nothing else but only peanuts hor .... you wont have the balls to go on one leh ...
Me : How so? you got bored of peanuts after a while?
Ahbeng : no no no ... not that. I still pretty much love peanuts but ....
Me : But what?
Ahbeng : I wont eat only peanuts whole day long as diet lor.
Me : Why not?
Ahbeng : actually ... man to man tok la .... i go shit no use toilet paper one ok?
Me : You mean u use hand to wash one rite?
Ahbeng : Yar ...
Me : So? whats the problem?
Ahbeng : If you only eats peanuts and nothing else hor .... later you finish shit that time ... you use your hand to wash ... the shit actually feels like peanuts butter lidat! ARGHH!!! I cant eat peanut butter anymore after that incident!!!

This is how processed peanuts will looks like if your digestive system did it correctly! LOL!

Me : KAKAKAKAKAKA!!! that why la! you should eat abit of strawberry while u eating peanuts also la!
Ahbeng : Why? will it helps?
Me : Then you can get peanut butter and strawberry jam mah!!! KAKAKAKAKAKAK!!!
Ahbeng :sweat_01

If digestive system is not werking very well that day then u think the "processed food" will look lidis anot?!


Come to think of it ... what comes out of the "other" end is also considered as processed foor rite? Less nutrition value but somehow it still resembles something like the one you put into your stomach what?! You try eating lotsa taugeh and sesame seeds befoh anot?! LMAO!!