Why you no laugh?

One day, Ahbeng's boss kambek from lunch with client blardee happy and asked all the staffs to go in the confrence room to tell them a few jokes he picked up during his lunch.

Everyone in the room were luffing histerically but Ahbeng dint even giggled, seing this his manager asked him aloud.

Manager : Whats the matter Ahbeng? Why you not luffing wan?
Boss : Oh! Ahbeng tarak sense of humor la thats why!

Upon hearing this Ahbeng said ...

Ahbeng : I nonid to luff like you all becoz this Friday is my last day ledi!


How many of you guys terasa after reading this ar? LOL!

Comparing Driving Licenses from Various Countries

A group of international exchange student were comparing their driving license from various countries and this is the conversation ....

John : I m from Amadika and this is how my driving license looks like


Jane : I m from phillipine and this is how our driving license looks like


Porntiap : I am from Thailand and this is my driving license


Bean : I m from UK and this is how our driving license looks like


Xiao Yang : I m from China and this is our driving license


Fatima : I am from Iraq and I want to tell you all something before I show you my driving license.

Bean : What izzit Fatima?

Fatima : well .. i wanna let you all know that in Iraq we are allowed to share one driving license with all my sisters.

John : How is that possible??!! Dont you have photos on your driving license to indicates who is the owner of the license?

Fatima : oh yes we do .... thats why we can share our driving license among ourself.

Jane : I dont belif .... impossible

Fatima : You dont belif ... I show you then you will understand!!! Nah! take a look yourself!

Click on the above pikture to get a larger image

MUAHAHAHAHA!!! toking about the irony of having a photographed driving license!!! LMAO!!

Colorful Mid Autumn Festival

Mid Autumn Festival is actually a day for family to gather around and spend some quality time together. It doesnt matter is you are broke like me or you are rich like Billy Gatto its the warm feeling of being with your own family that counts.

Your mooncake might be more expensip than ours or you drink wine while eating your mooncake while we drink chinese tea only but for all I know ... I might be happier than you are haha!

Ok la ... i m a blardee poor man now so I sour grape abit can???

Anyway ... here is some photos taken by a poor man during his poorman Mooncake festival celebration.

This one we call Tik-Tik-Cum ... haha i derno why we call it lidat ... my mader teach wan

Cheap tanglung bcoz we kenot afford the expensip one, RM5 for 12 pcs oni!

Wuah!!! this pic artistic anot? Taken with my cheapo Nohkia N73 wan!

This pic got abit deepavali feel to it ... rite anot?

Pondan Pandan Mooncake (RM3 a piece)

Piggy mooncake (RM1 each)

Doraemon mooncake (RM1 each)

Nuts Mooncake (RM5 each)

Harro Kitty Mooncake (RM0.30 each)

Economy red bean mooncake (RM3.00 each)

Hows your mid autumn day? You think mooncake is on sale starting today? I think so!

LANCAU is .....

Today I m gonna teach you the meaning of the word "LANCAU"

If you think LANCAU is some kinda bad words then you are one veli veli bad boi! or ger or man or uncle or ahpek or aunty or ahso or ahkua or watever!

I no bruff you wan .... lemme tell you dirty minds what is the real meaning of LANCAU la!

LANCAU stands for "Lawyers National Campaign against Untouchability, Nepal"

I know la! you farkers sure dont belif me wan! But like always I got PROOF wan!!

Click on the above image for better view

A brief introduction on LANCAU taken from the above blog :

LANCAU NEPAL is a law based social engineering organization, dedicated to uproot the ages old untouchability system from Nepal and influence the neighbouring nations to do the same. Support out 'Untouchability Elimination Decade 2005-2015".

This is their website! Go ahead click on the LINK HERE, Browse and explore their blog, they even have a section called "LANCAU NEWS"

A brief walkthru their blog indicates that this LANCAU is actually doing a good job in upholding human rights and discriminations.

Now .. who says Rojaks Daily is not educational? I hope from today onwards you all will never look at LANCAU the same way again!

Ahbeng Teach Cantonese

Welokam to another episode of Ahbeng Teaches Cantonese! In this episode We will be teaching you how to do a introduction of yourself in canto petaling street style.

Pay close attention wokeh? If tarak understand then feel free to sms to 967969, type Ayam-stupiak and send to 967969, only RM5 per sms jek!




Get a Voki now!

The Color of Mooncake Festival

Mid Autumn Festival to me is a festival for kids and family to get together and that is what we did. Although there is still a few days left before the actual date and since its weekend we took the chances to go back to my folks home and play tanglung like the good old days.

We kinda ruined the gate by placing lotsa candles onnit, looks like we gotta clean it up after mid autumn or my folks is really gonna weck us all kaw kaw lol.

This fish lantern has been with Little Devil since hes 2 years old, a gift from his grandpa and for the last 3 years he has been playing with this. Lets hope there will be many more years to come for this fish.

This big headed lantern belongs to my sis, been with her for a few years also.

Others than candles and tanglung we also got ourself some light fireworks and some pop-pops

Being a traditional Ahpek, we do not have fancy fancy battery operated noisy kinda tanglungs, that kinda tanglung is blardee annoying. If you asked me to choose i rather buy a torchlight instead.

Little Devil enjoying himself

Little Devil first encounter with fireworks, he finished the whole stack and still asking for more.

Why no mooncake? Well its not the actual date yet and if you noticed ... the price of mooncake is not cheap nowadays, so only on the actual date only eat ler! This year we got homemade mooncake instead of buying those expensive mooncake from outside.

If you cant make it back home to celebrate ... I hope the piktures in this post would be able to warm up your heart a lil bit and do call your folks and tell them how you wished you could be celebrating with them ok?

Happy mid autumn festival everybody!

Mid Autumn Poem

---

I mau wish Suanie the Great Happe Birday! May you find your personal bird this year!

---

Mid Autumn Festival is around the corner and I wanna dedicate this spesel Canto Mid Autumn Poem to you all, Its adapted from the fehmes Ancient Chinese poem by Li-Bai With the help from Ahbeng of coz.



Get a Voki now!



Happy Mid Autumn Festival! Got balik Kampung play tanglung anot lu?

Angmoh Tok Hokkien and Canto in Rojaks

In time lidis you can teach a gwailow to speak chinese in minutes! Dont belif? I show lu!



Get a Voki now!

Blogging on a Moving Bus

I m now blogging on a moving bus that comes with a personal power point at each seat .... And you never thot its possible huh?

Window seat

Power point for your gadgets, whether you wanna charge your phones or power up your notebook or simply watch vcd on your media player. How thotful!

nah show you this pic if not u dunch belif me!

Ayam brogging on a bus~~~ Ayam brogging on a bus~~ (sing this to the tune the classical of I'm dancing in the rain)

Please excuse my singing ... yea i m that bored ok?!!! wait they giving out meals ledi!!! I go makan first lol!

lu Hungry anot?

And when I thot it couldnt get any better than this ... come one waiter dressed in tie n all asking me "sir you want kofi, tea or mee-lohh?"




Hmm ... i wonders if they gonna give kuih anot later? what you think? maybe cookies or muffins? Or maybe beer??!!! lol!

High Definition Entertaiment

It is the nowadays' hype: High definition television; so what's with them? With high definition TV programming, you get pictures that is six times more precise and defined as the standard digitized format than the normal type of tv. This means less strain for the eyes, higher in quality, and razor sharp images. On top of that, you will get crystal clear Dolby-surround sound system and a far greater sound effect. However, with all these hypes going around, it's not easy to find one suitable TV programming service provider.

With Dish Network Promotions however, things are different. DishNetwork does not require you to purchase any equipments and provides you with free fast professional installation, free premium movie package, and free digital video recorder upgrade. It comes with 30+ high definition channel and you can record both high definition and standard digitized within one receiver (only applicable for Vip622). Also, with Pocket Dish technology, you can bring your recorded digital movie everywhere you want. This is especially useful for educators and teachers alike as DishNetwork offers a multitude of educational programmes.


All that Dish Network Offers for as low as $29.90 per month! And there is more! You can even get 3 months free of HBO and 6 months of free Dish HD programming! Talk about great value for money! For more details please click on Dish Network Deals.

How to deduct?

Ahbeng open a chainis pizza restoren in Amadika and one day the IRS (inkam tax mia olang) come ask him about his account.


IRS : Sir, according to our records you reported a net profit of $80k last year. Is this correct?
Ahbeng : Kanneh si angmoh! You derno how to read one ka?
IRS : Just answer correct anot pulez.
Ahbeng : Why you all dunwan leave me alone wan? I everyday also work like a dog one leg kick all! Chainis new year also no close and now you asking me how I made $80k?
IRS : Actually we are not interested with your net income.
Ahbeng : Then?
IRS : Its the business expenses we are worry about.
Ahbeng : What business deduction?
IRS : In these deductions we found several trips to Japan and Hong Kong and China and Malaysia. How do you explain this? These were personal vacations and not suppose to be treated as business expenses.

Ahbeng's face turned pale and his brain begin to go into overdrive .... then a few seconds later Ahbeng rusty brain came out with a brilliant explaination ....

Ahbeng : err .... havent you heard about spesel delivery ar?

My Thoughts on Men's Aging Process

As we men grows older, we got this kinda fear/insecurity in us (just like those aunties la!) so sometime when i got nothing to do I sit down and think about wats gonna happen if I gets older and from all this daydreaming i derived a summary of my thought on our aging process ... and pulez allow me to share it with you all :

1. Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out or hanging lower.
2. There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two.
3. You're getting old when you don't care where your wife is going, just as long as you don't have to go along.
4. Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
5. Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Niahma! at 70 who needs five women??!!! For What??!!! oh .. btw that means we men die earlier ok?
6. Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
7. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
8. Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
9. A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
10. You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.
    

How to Transport a Skeleton

This frend of mine whois a orthopaedic surgeon asked me to help him to move to his new opis on the weekend and since i m the only one with a van I cant say no or else he will boycott me next time i asking for help right?
There is this set of very expensive skeleton he asked me to take really good care of and that is just what I did, instead of putting him at the back with all the boxes, I put the skeleton in the front seat and buckled him up to make sure he dont keep dropping down when I m driving.

What i did not thot of at that time is the reaction of other ppl/drivers who saw me driving a skeleton around.

At one trapik light ... there is this guy who had his window down just to ask me what am I doing.

Driver : Hey! Wassup with the fler?
Me : Oh ... I was actually driving him to my frend's clinic.
Driver : I hate to tell you this ... but I think its too late for that now.
Me :

Ahpek's Rolls Royce

This man (Ahbeng) in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy (Ahpek) in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and Ahbeng yells at the guy in the Rolls:

Ahbeng :Hey, your car got telepon ar?
Ahpek :Yes, of course I do.
Ahbeng :I also got one too... see? see?
Ahpek : Yala yala .... very nice la.

Then Ahbeng ask again ....

Ahbeng : You got fax machine anot?
Ahpek :Why, actually, yes, I do
Ahbeng :I do too! See? It's right here!
Ahpek :Uh-huh.

The light is just about to turn green and Ahbeng ask again ....

Ahbeng :So, lu have a double bed back there?
Ahpek : No! Do you?
Ahbeng : Yar, got my double bed right in back here - neh neh! got see anot?

The light turns and Ahbeng Takes off.

Well, Ahpek in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car.

About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Ahbeng. He finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.

The windows on the Ahbeng's Ford Granada are all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Ahbeng's car.

Ahbeng finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.

Ahpek : Oi! Lu Remember me ar?
Ahbeng : Yar ... apa lu mau?
Ahpek : Check this out - I got a double bed installed in my Rolls!
Ahbeng : Blardee Hell!!! You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!

Bird Weck Porsche ... Bird Wins

What happen if you were driving your brand new sepot car Porsche at 250km/h on the north south highway and suddenly got one gagak come crashing thru your windshield?

Here is how it gonna looks like!



Of coz your sepot car mia windshield wont shattered la! Expensip car mah! Still can drive home la ... buden got one big hole on the windshield only lol!


Take alook on the inside la ... not everyday u get to see a porsche with a hole on the windshield from the inside wan ... shiok anot?


And is the the seats .... if the seats can be so bloody, can you imagine how bloody can the face of the driver/passenger be? Not only bloody I m sure the whole face will be covered with feathers as well!


and Finally ... the rear windshield stopped the dead gagak from going any further .... its the gagak final resting place. This gagak dem smart! die also wanna die in a expensip car!

That concludes our lesson of "what happen when a gagak weck your car when u speeding at 250kmh"

Best Car Windscreen Tint Ever!!!!

---

WARNING :
18SX - Small bois n girls ... go do your homework! Dun read! go play PS2 or PS3 or Wii or PSP or anything as long as u dont read this post can edi! If you die die also wanna read ... then call your mum/dad at work and ask for permission 1st ok?
Oh! and its NSFW too!

Note : NSFW means Not Safe From Work .... so, if u kena fire bcoz you read my blog at work ... u dun kam find me can?

---

Ok ... you might paid RM1k for your car windscreen to be tinted but have you seen anyone take a second look at your car after you tinted your windshield? No rite? Why? Becoz the tint sucks!!!

We at Rojaks Institute of Kiamsiaplogy belif in making your investment worthwhile! Therefore we came out with this spesel windshield tinting for cars that will make head turns everytime!! You dont even have to drive flashy cars ok? even you install it on your kancil windshield also peeple will take a second, thrid or maybe a forth look! Some may even will walk back to your Proton Saga to take a closer look after that too!

We plomise lu! You dont have to drive flashy cars like Sutera (ok someone told me that Sutera is not a flashy car) Porsche or Lampu-kiri Lamborghini or Masak-kari Maserati to make head turns!

Dont belif me? nebermind ... I tinted my car and I parked it outside of KLSeeSee for a few days and look at the response below! Everyone will stop and take a second look! talking about making your money worth huh?

Oh-La-La~~ oi! apa bikin!

After a few days I bored with KLSeeSee ledi .... then I drove to China town and park there ... China town got more hamsap ahpek for all i know .....



Nah see? everyone stop to take a look! And it only cost a fraction of your expensive windscreen tinting for your car!

If you wanna be notice this season ... this is the must get windshield tinting!

This product is in stock now! Spesel introDUCKtory opper! RM899 for 4 doors, front and back windshield. Mana mau cari??!!!

Nah let you all see sample ploDUCK first!

ORGEE® Windshield tinting .... makes heads turns

What you waiting for? Call the number on your screen now and we will throw in some secondhand underwear FOC!!!

Or you can get this ploDUCK at Linpeh's becoz he is our Sole Distributor under his Olin brand!

Something to keep your Blen Oiled

While I m killing myself i m busy with workssss heres something to keep your blen occupied :

• - Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• - Spotted on the back of a t-shirt worn by LAPD Bomb Squad: "If you see me running, try to keep up."
• - Don't you think it's unnerving that doctors call what they do "Practice"?
• - You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
• - Did you ever notice that Evian bottled water is Naïve spelled backwards?
• - The grass may actually be greener on the other side of the fence, but it still has to be mowed!

ok bek to werk!

Modern Chinese Wisedom - Chun Jee's Art of War

In the modern world we living in today war is inevitable, be it war at your work place or war at your home or war with your so called "friends". Men will goto war because of a few things : -

a.) Women
b.) Money
c.) Face
d.) Family
e.) Country

But 90% of the time its because of either women or money, we at Rojaks has vast experiences in modern warfare as such we came out with the new "Chun Jee's Modern Art of War for dummies" guide to aid those who has never been able to figure out how to thrive in a modern warfare.


Observes these new Laws of modern warfare as each and everyone of them have a deep deep mia meaning, master it and we gerenti you suckses in every battle you encounter!

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. Don't look conspicuous, it draws bullets.
3. The easy way is always mined.
4. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
5. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
6. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When you're ready for them. b. When you're not ready for them.
7. Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
8. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
9. A "sucking chest wound" is natures way of telling you to slow down.
10. If your attack is going too well, you definitely have walked into an ambush.
11. Never draw fire, it tulans everyone around you.
12. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
13. Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.
14. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver or stupider than yourself.
15. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in a combat zone.
16. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
17. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder or the fler who sold the RM50 2 tonne car jack for RM5,700 whichever comes first.
    

May the force be with you! If you need more guidance pls sms CHUNJEE to 967969 and we have trained propesionels to guide you. Each sms cost is RM1 but we will charge you RM412 because its the trend now to charge alot more than we used to charge last time ok? Blow ar?

Goreng Pisang - RM30.00 Seketul!

ARE

If you think paying RM30 bucks for a piece of pisang goreng is madness wait till you found out how much "someone" paid for a car jack worth RM50!!!

"Navaratnam was commenting on the 2006 Auditor-General’s Report outlining a slew of cases involving public fund mismanagement.

From paying RM1,146 for a set of pens costing RM160 to forking out RM5,700 for a car jack worth RM50, the list is long and sometimes shocking."

[Link]

YES!!! "they" paid RM5,700 for a car jack worth RM50!!!

So anyone would wanna buy my goreng pisang for RM30 a piece? Please? Pretty please??

WE ALL ARE SCREWED!!!

HAHAHAHA!! Oh man ......

What happen when you stays with your ex?

Izzit me or the world changed?

If you divorced why the hell you still wanna stay together ar? If you still wanna stay together then why wanna divorce ar? MCH .... this is something i dont think i could ever understand and I heard stories from frends that they knew of such a couples in Malaysia too. You know anyone lidis anot?

Well this piece of news caught my attention I do i think its a 2-in-1 experience, its funny and at the same time its disturbing ... read on to know why

Woman sets fire to ex-husband's penis
(Reuters)

Moscow - A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said Wednesday.

Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict."

The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this

Learn from them, if you wanna stay with your ex wife, then dont sit naked on the sofa while watching tv, if you wanna sit naked on the sofa while watching tv then dont drink vodka! Vodka is very very the flamable wan! lol!

Ever asked yourself why women loves to attack guys mia kkc wan? they got spesel skool to teach them ways to torture a man's mia kkc one izzit?

Guys ... you all must jaga your brader properly!!! protek at all cost! lol