31 July 2005

PETROLLL NAiKKKKK LAGiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ARGHHHHHH !!!!!!!!! WHATS NEXT ???!!!

Ok, I NEVER! never never post any toolarn politikus gomen post befoh this, but this time leehly beh tahan edi ... nid to fark somebody befoh i go gila!!!!

1st - Economy like fark edi .... susah cari makan
2nd - Econ notchet recover but Petrol $ naik
3rd - Petrol $ naik lagi .... Econ getting worst
4th - Yau Char Kwai also naik .... even tho flour, cooking oil and salt no naik.
5th - The launching of "No More Tears Shampoo" by our Datuk Seri Rafidah Aziz.
6th - Ringgit Unpegged against USD without warning .... Econ is now teruk abis + kelam kabut.
7th - Petrol naik lagi bang!!! [31st July 2005]

Beginning of the year, my car kasi hantam full tank can get around RM40+ then naik to RM50+, the last time I pump petrol I paid RM60+ .... tomlo onwards RM70+ Ape sudah jadi ???!!!!

Ini majiam kalo, rakyat mati manyak cepat lo gomen !!!! kreta suma tak bleh jual lah!!! Akhir bulan lapat gaji, suma mau bayar sama Gomen ledi la ini majiam oi! .... cukai pintu kambing, cukai tanah pun mau bayar, Inkam tax pun mau bayar, buy car pun kena kaw kaw tax, road also got tax but still kena bayar toll, sales tax pun kena jugak, pigik makan kena bayar serbis tax, sikalang sudah cakap mau intro itu GST/VAT tax lagi! bukan main manyak jenis tax tapi maner itu suma luits sudah pigik ?? ..... tak tau biler pulak nak introduce pun-taxs (pundeks) ?





So many bad news, so many uncertainties .... how to cari makan lidis ?? how rakyats gonna hidup peacefully ? PISSED-FULLY GOT LA!!!

Sommo dat day say wanna continue to implement NEP lagi .... not yet introduse rakyats ledi toolarn like fark .... if continue lagi ... sigh ... dunno lar, ini majiam, balik kampung tanam jagung lagi baik, if not its just like werking sama gomen only .. no difference also akhir bulan lapat gaji suma kasi sama gomen jugak .... at least kalo jadi Gomen servant got chance to get APs!

Anyone got "jalan" to get PR in Aus or NZ anot ? I think itu lalangs and rumputs kat saner lebeh green lah!

Quote of da dei: "Yang Kaya jadi lebeh Kaya, yang Miskin jadi Papa-kedana"

30 July 2005

Animal P0rn - Quickie!

In response to Suanie's post, here is my entry about Animal Porn. Whole Clip only 15 secs, now thats what i calll quickie! You can try this in your car too! who knows, maybe you will end up having more style/positions than this video! Enjoy~~!






Komen pulezz!!! komen komen komen !!! I m such a sucker for komen !!! I suffers from Komenistism ... no komen can die wan !!!!! HELP ME!!!

29 July 2005

What Melancholic Gotta Do With Being GAY/BiSexual ??

Yesday go yumseng again with my buddy after work, this time i went yumsing with Adam and Simon at this nice and cosy high klass bar. Buden today Simon abit something wrong somewhere, normally this fler would tok non stop even befoh mabuk but today he has been quiet all along.



Me and Adam sensed something is wrong with him, after we sit down at the bar there we asked him :

Adam : oi Simon, you ok anot ? you looks like you just got dumped by your gay bf la!
Simon : Farkiuuu la! ..... dun kacau me ... leave me alone pls ....



Adam & Me : *we never see Simon like this one man! panik sial!*

*Den i walks up to him and said,*

Me : Oi ... mehsi ? tell us lar MCH! see we can help anot la!
Adam : Yalah Mahpuki! putih putih lu diu me just now! WTF la! we brader brader tarak kira one! TELL TELL!!
Simon : Dunwan la .. u all dun disturb me la ....
Me : You sure youd dunwan tell ? you dont regret ok ? I go n tell you wife you screwing your secretary.
Simon : MAHAI lu !!! You plomised to keep secret ok ??!!!
Adam : LMAO!!! farker you tell us then we wont tuk your pui jek! i plomised!
Simon : Actulee nuthin la ... its just I m feeling Melancholic today ....

*Adam & Me moves further from Simon*

Adam : YOU ARE FEELING WHAT ????
Simon : Melancholic, MELANCHOLIC LA! YOU DEAF OR WHAT ?!!

*Adam & Me moves even more further from Simon*

Simon : oi pundeks where da fark u guys going ?
Me : Simon, I thot Adam is joking when he teasing you about you being gay n all but little i do know you are bi-sexual .... its kinda shocking to us both to know that today .....
Simon : WTF you toking about ??? since when i turned Bi ??? you sick or what ? I thot you are here to console me, you pundek!
Me : Just now you said you feels like you wanna lick luncheow ?
Simon : MCH!!! I where got say that ???!!
Adam : You said you feeling Me-Lunchoew-lick .... we got sked man .... really sked! we sked u ask us to let u lick !!!
Simon : eh! Farkiu both ok ? Last time ask u goto skool u dunwan, u ponteng go Yow Chuan roller skate. Now peeple tok yingrish you dont understen!
Simon : Its spelt M-E-L-A-N-C-H-O-L-I-C, it means depressed, unhappy, pissed ... nothing to do with licking Lunchoew!
Adam & Me : eh sure boh? so its not lick luncheow la? *Phew~*

*We both go back to sits beside Simon*

Adam : So why u so sad ? Tell us la !
Simon : Woman mia hal lar! ... my secretary asked me to buy her a houz .... die die!
Me : HAHAHA!!! you got "your-luncheow-licked" for free so long edi, its time to pay up man!!!
Adam : HAHAHAHAHA!!! *falls off the bar stool while luffing his ass off*
Simon : Cilaka mia kawan, make fun of me sommo! I just realised i forgot to bring wallet tonite! kapten kasi open 2 looks chivas masuk Adam & Wingz mia account!




Adam : Jangan ini majiam kawan .... nanti my turn to Me-Luncheow-Lick pulak !!! 2 looks you know!! HAHAHAHA!!!
Me : Adam, itu cilakak Simon want us both to Me-Luncheow-Lick la! you lick me and I lick you, then I buy you one houz and you buy me one houz ok ? KAKAKAKA!!!!

*we proceed to luff like sohais kena histeria lidat .... err .. more like MITI just gave us 1,000 AP each lidat!* HAHAHAHAHA!!! ... sakit perut man!!

Moral of the story :
1.) Free Sex is definitely more expensive than Paid Sex! Actulee there is no such thing as Free Sex!

2.) Dont fark your secretary! dont shit at the same place you eat! LMAO!!!

3.) When you frends are screwed, step on him! bcoz tomlo if u r screwed they will do the same LMAO!!! [no Im just kiddin, dont screws your own frend ok? unless you are GAY!]

4.) Not everybodi knows WTF is Melancholic [pronounciation ~ "Me-Luncheow-Lick"] ok ? So just say depressed or sad or pissed or farkED, dun lansi show off your powderfool Yingrish CAN?!

You Can Trust Them with Your Balls ! I know I Will

Warning : Tons of Videos! Broadband is a must have, if you dont pls do not click at this link. You have been warned!

Instructions : How to watch this Entry
1.) Scroll down to the 2nd video at the lower position and press "PLAY/PAUSE"
2.) Finish watching the 1st Video and proceed to the second video
3.) Press "PLAY/PAUSE" button to replay the 2nd Video
4.) If you dont do lidat you will have 2 videos running at the same time and its quite confusing.


I dunno bout you guys but I will trust these guys with my balls, footballs I mean! See for yourself :P




But this guy below .... I wont even trust him with chicken eggs, Dont need to say my precious balls!




1st time experimenting with 2 videos in one entry, Would appreciates if you guys could tell me [ in the comment section] hows the effect ? in the future which is better ? 1 or 2 videos in one entry ?

Tonite abit tired, so this video is totally raw, copy n paste from alldumb.com at least I put it here rather than asking you to go and download it yourself rite ? (unlike "someone") and I dont put one liner, if wanna put one liner then might as well dont put anything. One liner is degrading for readers. Its like they arent smart enuff to read and understen complex sentences, therefore you come out with one liner! LOL! or does that reflects the author's IQ level ?? You be the judge to that yourself! LMAO!!

*P.S. : I wanna dedicate this post to KLJS and Crazygrr| for their undying love of this Sport LMAO!

Disclaimer : like always, you are free to assume stuffs, but please do not hold me responsible for your assumption(s). I did not made that assumption(s) in the 1st place, you did! :P

28 July 2005

PPS & M'SIA BLOGSPHERE VIDEO!!! MUST WATCH !!!

This video consist of damn blardee lotsa bloggers in it, buden the screen moves kinda fast, so if you missed something, replay and use the "pause" button to read the names lo ok ?

This Video is kinda short, so its kinda impossible to put every single bloggers in there. What I did was I only put those whom I know or I regularly read into it. I hope you guys will like the video coz i nearly gone bonkers thinking of names/nicks to include in the short movie clip. Pls. forgive me if i left you out ledi ok ? I m sleepy and hungry now ... time to get something to eat!!







Leave me comment(s) ok ? lemme know how izzit .... prolly I can do better with feedback! Adios Amigos! Dont forget to click my ads !!!!

27 July 2005

Why You No Call me ? Where You Go Ledi ?!!!

Lately the trehpik to my blog is kinda good [ok Mack u can whack me now], So far I never blog about my blog's mia trehpik but lately I did a calculation and charts and statistics and stuffs lidat, my findings concludes that most of my [dulu dulu mia] regular readers are not reading my blog anymore .... I thot I must have done something wrong and they are pissed at me or what ? Then I thot I must do something to get them to come back la or at least let them know I appreciate their presence even tho they dun comment much :) .......

I then made a animated GIF of my own pic [Crazygrrl said I look very hansem in my photo] to send to all my old time reader to let them know how much I missed them! Please scroll down to the bottom of the page to take a look at my GIF file. To those of you who didnt receive it in their mail, I post it here, a dedication to my lengjais and lengluis readers! Enjoy!




LOL! ok ok I tipuED! this pikchures I actually pinjamED from Surfnux - my buddy buden my intention is sincere wan la!! Kambek and click on my adsense wei!!! and read my setoris wei!! Jorn Loi Lorrr !!! [Hakka]


TWO (2) VERY BORED GARBAGEMAN - Video

Two very bored Garbageman (Jason Tee & Jason Lioh) doing their morning round when they saw this super lenglui (Suanie) pass by them, they chase up to her and try all sort of funny stuffs to get her attention ........

Cast : Jason Tee [Buangmasa.net] , Jason Lioh [Jasonmumbles.blogspot.com] and Suanie [Suanie.net]

Warning : Video Blog with Manglish subtitle, Broadband strongly recomended.



26 July 2005

Ahpek Peeking Girls Skinny Dipping in Pond

An elderly retired Ahpek in Kedah owned a large farm for several years.

He got this large pond in the back of his houz, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, badminton court, playground, jambu trees and lambutans trees.. The pond was purposely built for swimming, in other words its a natural swimming pool la.

Anden one petang Ahpek decided to go down to the pond behind lia mia lumah to pick some lambutans and jambu for his bini, bcoz he also long time no go there edi he thinks there must be alot of fruits to bring back one la, so he grabbed a big bucket to bring back some fruit.



As he neared the pond, Ahpek heard voices of young pompwans shouting and laughing and water splashing. So Ahpek very kancheong he then creeps like a stealthty ninja moving slowly towards the pond to peek at the girls. Skali he saw about 6 lenglui mandi bogel - Skinny Dipping in his pond ... wah lau eh ... Ahpek this time no nid VIAGRA also engine can start!



Mana tau, Ahpek over SEXcited and ter-kicked his bucket and that gives him away to the girls. The girls all rush into the pond like Hippo lidat and one of the Ahlian told Ahpek "Oi hamsup Ahpek! lu apasel intai kite olangs? kite dunwan come out if u dont leave!!"

Dissapointed Ahpek walk out of the bush hes hidding in and said "Lengluis, why lar u curi curi goan swim in my pond ?"

Ahlian : Why knot ka ? even if its lu mia pond also, you knot intai us lidat mah! worst worst u can halau us only! where can intai us mandi bogel lidat?!

*Ahpek mia brain pusing manyak laju now to think of a way so he can see those naked chun body again*

Ahpek : Actulee, I not come here to intai u all one la ....

*He then hold up the bucket he bawak with him to show it to those Ahlians, he points to the bucket and said*

Ahpek : I come here to feed my BUAYAs in the pond lar!!




Moral of the story : Still dont underestimate Old Cock ok ? LMAO!

25 July 2005

Thanks to Viagra, Tongkat Ali, Taichi, QiGong and His Neighbours

He's 80, She's 20, This Ahpek is living somehwere in Kedah and he bought her from Thailand to be his wife.

The 20-year-old girl. After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth.

The nurse came out to congratulate the Ahpek saying, "Wuah Ahpek lu manyak kuat ah! sudah tua ini majiam engin still powderfool!"

Ahpek
answered, " Mistila ... gua ada makan Viagra + Teh Tongkat Ali Ginseng, hali hali gua ada kasi itu engin panas mia!".

The following year the young wife gave birth again. The same nurse said "Wuah Ahpek lu mia engin pahwer sial! tambah lagi satu! lu sudah 82 ini tahun tau! respek respek! "

Ahpek again said " Mistila .... gua ada plektis itu Tai-chi dan QiGong wan ... tambah Viagra campor Tongkat Ali Ginseng misti pahwer!Tahun depan pun boleh lagi, lu tunngu la tahun depan misti gua datang lagi! ".

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "WUAH Ahpek Aku respect you betul betul mia! suma nurse kat hospital ini kenal you ledi, the most powderfool man in Kedah! 83 years old but still PAHWER sial!"

Ahpek responded "mistila ... gua hali hali ada kasi itu engine panas mia la ... gerenti itu engine baik mia condition !!! tahun depan jumpa lagi pun boleh!! ".


The nurse then said, "Eh, Ahpek, lokter cakap lu mia bini sudah beranak .... lokter suruh lu kasi tukar lu mia minyak engin la .... lu mia minyak sudah kotor .... lu mia anak kluar pun hitam!"


So much for being Powderfool huh ? ..... thanks to his neighbours (Muthu & The Geng) la! LMAO!!

24 July 2005

What is Really Happening In a Guy's Toilet ? LADIES, Come Here To Find Out!

Girls and Ladies! [guys also can but other than that pls dont click here!]

Ever wonders what we guys talk about or do in the Men's room/toilet ?

Join this 3 handsome Young man in the guy's toilet and experience it yourself, see for yourself what kinda stuffs is happening inside a men's room. Dont say i dont warn you! Those who laugh last dint hear the joke first! :P

Cast : Kenneth, Mack and Paul




23 July 2005

SPERM BANK ROBBED!!! watch CCTV Video !!!






A bunch of sohais with bad eyesight decides to rob a bank, little they know its a sperm bank! If only they check their eyesight first! LOL! [actulee this is an joke modified as an ad for an optical company in thaicock laaa] nevertheless this is funny shit! Observe the manglish subtitle!!!

*P.S. the video abit too short and the subtitle abit too fast, just replay and use the "PAUSE" button to read it properly lo okeh ? I no power wanna edit again lol!




After you enjoyed the Video, I got below here an almost similar story, so i thot might as well post it together la. Enjoy!

There was this robber. he went to a bank and said "give me all your money"
The banker said,"but..."
The robber interrupted and said ,"i dont wanna hear any buts about it".
The banker continued,"but...but...but"
The robber interupted again and replied,"I said i didnt wanna hear any buts about Just give me the key and ill open the safes myself".

The banker gave him the key. The robber opened up the first safe and didnt find anything but vanilla pudding. He opened up the 2nd 3rd 4th and 5th safe and found nothing but vanillia pudding. The robber decided not to let this robbery go to waste so he ate all the vanillia pudding.

The next morning the robber saw in the newspaper "SPERM BANK ROBBERY"

22 July 2005

WTF is TYMOS - New Word Coined !!

One day [I forgot which day ledi ok? So dun ask!] I go happy hour YumSing with 2 of my buddy Chris and Tom jai, after a brief discussion we decided to go to a pub around our area and avoid the trehpik jam crap.

We end up in this pub called “Low Pang Yau” [long time frend], we go in we see environment quite ok and suitable for chit chat so we terus goan find a table and order our beers.

Suddenly out of nowhere a bunch of AhBengs appeared, they sit at the table next to us, there are 5 of them but the amount of noise they are making can beat a Boeing 747 engine with ease!

I beh tahan with the noise [old ledi mah] so this is what I told Chris n Tom jai :

Me : Mahchowhai today so hak jai ….. come here thot can enjoy … skali got a bunch of sakais sitting beside us … farkin noisy sommo …. “Truelan” lidis man!! #$#%^@!!!!

Chris : yala! Spoil our evening YumSing session only, poohkey betul, see all the girls also dun dare to come near us ledi !! MCH!!!

Tom Jai : Eh you two can be “seemun” abit anot ? dun be like those Ahbeng can ar ? dun swear lar! See the girls all dunwan come near us! Next time you really wanna swear must do it in style ….. I show you how.

Tom Jai : TYMOS punya olangs can you please lower your volume ?

Me & Chris : Huh? What is TYMOS ? can eat one anot ?

Tom Jai : TYMOS ar ? TYMOS is a new abbreviation which stands for “THROW YOUR MOTHER OLD SHOE!!! [ in canto : Tiow Niahmah Low Hai]

Me & Chris *luffing like we are high on ketamine lidat, till all our hau suis and bei thai also meleleh kluar*

This is how your throw "That" shoe okay ?


Disclaimer : If you don’t think this joke is funny then TYMOS la !!!!

Look Ma! No More PEG! ... We are HAILAT this time!

Diu Lor !!!! this time HAILAT la!!!

I kambek from work, turn on pc goan check PPS ... skali I see lotsa title saying USD unpegged against Yuan and RM .... MCH! my face also turned pale ledi !!!! no joke!

This time hailat lar "I told myself" ..... so many stuffs is ongoing project, price alredi quoted, downpayment received, now suddenly gahmen tell me "soli-ah you project and contract on hand now is worth a lot lesser than this morning" MAHCHOWHAI!!! HAILAT this time !!!!

WTF is our gomen thinking ? no warning no nothing !!! how many people will die bcoz of this you know ???!!!! those who have lotsa reserve in USD will surely die!

1. Those who relied solely on exports will also DIE !!!!
2. Our stuffs will be more expensive to buy now.
3. Buyer will look elsewhere for cheaper goods.
4. Factories will be closed because of lack of orders.
5. Foreign Investor will move out of Malaysia because we are not competitive anymore.
6. Jobssss will be lost.
7. Exports will reduce thus greatly affecting incoming of foreign funds.
8. Imports will increase thus our monies will flow out of the country more than before.
9. Economy will suffer.
10. Your USD100 Google Adsense cek is now worth lesser [5xmom notchet get her cek]
11. If your salary is in USD, your bring home pay in RM will be lesser now.
12. Companies will lotsa USD reserve will die!
13. Ah Sahm who love to keep USD under the bed will suffers losses too.
14. Those who have branch in USA will now earn lesser profits.
15. Banglas who got no jobs after factory closed down will start robbing banks.
16. Out of ideas, have new idea that time only put OR if you have idea u put in komen i goan paste here ok ?


Go to Fxstreet tomolo morning, observe the International Money Market and observes the exchange rate between RM and USD , see got drop like flies kena Ridsect anot.

I quote Terenceg picked from his blog :
"Terenceg: What ever it may be, i am sure it will benefit the goverments as i am sure they have loaded themselves with USD before this announcement. And since is with immediate effect, those ignorants that don’t read world news every night will be exchanging USD now for 3.8…."

Looks like "some Hamkahlings" is gonna gain lotsa fucking shit monies from all of these!!!!


More links to this piece of shitty news :
1. Shagadelica
2. Doppelganger
3. HinChing
4. Pandaboy
5. Yvonne Foong
6. Terenceg.com
7. The Engineer's Log Book
8. CCCP
9. Whats in my Head
10. The_EarthInc
11. Politics 101
12. BANK NEGARA MALAYSIA
13. Fxstreet - Exchange Rate
14. The Katana
15. Jeff Ooi
16. LiewCF
17. WIREPOD
18. Bootstrapper
19. Hokkienlang

21 July 2005

OMFG!! Look who is in the NewsPehpah Again!! Lucky Dude - KennySia!

Self explainatory, got this from THE STAR today[21st July 2005] , Page 29. Read it yourself! if u dunno how to read then goan ask someone who knew.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Lucky dude KennySia, he just bring our ties with our neighbour country [Singapore] closer than ever before. Kudos to him! And hes gonna break PeterTan's record very soon! PeterTan has been in the newspehpah for about 7 times and counting ....

Many thanks to Mack Zulkifli from Brand New Malaysian for the tip off.

Bloggers.sg Convention Aftermath - The Secret RevealED!

There is this frend of mine, so ngam hes in Singkapoh during the bloggers.sg convention. So he also take this opportunity to attend and sunbin can make new frends la.... that was last week ....

I saw him a while ago at the driving range.

I asked him "Eh Kenny, hows the bloggers.sg convention ? "

"its the best convention I ever been to! THE BEST-EST!" he said "By the way" he added "pulez dont call me Kenny anymore, I got a new name after I kambek from bloggers.sg convention, from now on pulez call me PORN, James PORN!"

Me :


Disclaimer : ini cite rekaan semata-mata, takde kena mengena dengan yang hidup, yang mati, yang dah mati ataupun separa mati. Kalo lu mati mati jugak mau admit yang itu ialah engkau sendiri, then itu lu mia pasal la! jangan tuduh aku !!!!

Kungu is China, China is KungFu ! Cina Shaolin KungFu!

My frend told me, in Fuckkien China there is this original Shaolin Temple very big and very old ledi one. And this place is like a daycare center, all the folks in Fuckkien will send their chew-rens to the monastery. Thats where they will learn about KungFu!!! So next time you goto Fuckkien you dont lansi ok ? Peeples there all know Kungfu one, be it Wing Chun, Foo Kuen, Shaolin Kam Kong Fist, Tiger fist, Dragon fist, Praying Mantis stance, Monkey Kungfu, Shalin Tai Lik Kam Kong Fist and many many more suma hambahlang they know!

So actulee Fuckkien is a nice place to visit if you wanna see some KungFu shit in action, peeple there use Kungfu everyday in their daily life. Dont belif me ? take a look yourself!

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"Shaolin Hing Kung - Sleeping Buddha"



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"Shaolin Tai Lik Kam Kong Kiok - Shaolin Powderfool Golden Legs"


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"Shaolin Teet Tau Kung - Golden Head Kungfu"



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"Shaolin Hou Kuen - Shaolin Monkey Fist /Stance"


And the Picture Below is my Personal Favourite !!!!



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"Shaolin Tai Lek Kam Kong SiFutt - Shaolin Golden Bekside"
This one need abit of explaination, it differs for men and women, men do it with 2 bottles one for each buttcheek but women leh use one bottle enuff, place it right in between their legs there! How is that for Tai Lek Kam Kong SiFutt ???!!! HAHAHAAHAA!!!!

*
listens to Kungfu Hustler's song "Everybody loves KungFu fighting~~~"

Hulk Solution!! The Best Web Hosting In Malaysia !!!

Eh! got peeple paying me to advertise for him, but the reality is i also got buy his service also lar, VERY GOOD SERVICE!!! ICHIBAN!!! Numbah one!!! Ting Kuah Kuah!!!

So Lemember, next time you want to buy domain ka, wanna host your web ka pls send him a message/email tell him you know me, can get discount also, if he dint give you discount you tell me also, I go hantam him kaw kaw!!! paul@paultan.org

REMEMBER !!! its http://www.hulksolutions.com similar post can be found at Buangmasa.net , Chanlilian.net , CHiQspace.com- A few satisfied customers.


He got others Celebrity customers too! Read his testimonial of Hulk's Services! See for yourself!

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20 July 2005

Finally!! We got our Proton Savvy

We booked it somewhere like more than a month ago and this morning it arrived. Its for our technical staff tho. not for me, we asked him to choose those cars below 40k one he chosen this one .... They call it a new car, I call it my new liability for the next few years. BAH!!

Petrol increase, maintenance increase, material price increase but how come my hair is decreasing together to the thickness of my wallet ? KNN!!! Its moment like this that makes my life sucks! *ARGHHH!!*

Note to myself : tonite go hantam the number plate kaw kaw!!! if kena then the car consider seponsored by DA MA CAI / MAGNUM 4D / SPORTS TOTO. wuahahahahahaha!!!!

19 July 2005

THIS IS THE ULTIMATE LIFESTYLE WE DREAM OF !!! SEARCH NO MORE!!! YOU ANSWER IS HERE!!!

You know why we are working so hard ? thats because we got dreams to fulfilled, we goto skool get our papers with coke bottle stamp on it then come out to the society and get a job, most of us would prefer to get a well paid job. A well paid job will make your journey easier. Some are lucky and some are not, those unlucky ones got stuck in a lousy company thinking what it would be like out there.

Nevertheless, most of us would like to climb the coprporate ladder ASAP and if you are alreadi up there this is among the stuffs you will get .... if not all some ....

1. A good parking space with your OWN vehicle number imprinted on the floor and a sign saying, VIP reserved parking. Do not park here unless you are my boss or his family! :P
*a good parking space*
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2. Who doesnt want a company car? petrol, maintenance all paid for BENZSEE!!! better than drive your own car la!!! Can go anywhere and no need to worry about how much petrol price is per liter. Can simply floor the pedal and drive like donkey kena mad cow disease. If kreta rosaked just send to workshop, dont even have to look at the bill. Thinking bout it also enuff to make me climax ledi!!!
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3. We always dream about having a car thats so big that you can actually hold a meeting in your own car and run your office from there. Inside got PC, Fax machine, mobile 3G connection, satelite dish, plasma tv, satnav, PS2, Xbox etc. AHHH!!! .... merely thinking about it gave me the feeling of self indulgence. All this is free, mind you. That why die die also must climb the corporate ladder!!!
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4. The attention that comes with the car is priceless, not to mention the chicks too .... this all is after working hour la of coz ... kinda like during happy hour thingy.... can karaoke also inside the car .... can watch DVD ... Astro .... Porn SPG Video ..... wuahhh ... just imagine lar ... everyday can go kau luis *slurpss*
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5.Buden, dream is perfect and forever real life is totally the opposite, so please look at the below picture and do what you need to do ok ?
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STOP DREAMING AND GO BACK TO WORK!!! and be happy with what you got okeh ??!!

18 July 2005

I WAS ALMOST MARRIED .....

These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many many years. First guy asks the second guy " how have things been going?"

"The second guy speaking very slowly...... tells the first guy " I was ....... almost ...... married

The first guy says in amazement "Hey; you dont stutter any more." The answer comes " yes ...... I .... went .... to .... a ..... doctor .... and ..... he .... told .... me ...that ... if .... I .... speak ..... slowly..... I ..... will ....... not ..... stutter."

The first friend congratulates him and than asks again about the ex-stutterer saying he "was almost married".

"Well .... my .... fiancee .... and .... I ..... were .... sitting ... on ... her .... porch ... and ..... the .... dog .... was .... scratching ... his .... back ..... and .... I .... told .... her ..... that .... when .... we ... are ... married .... she ..... can .... do ... that .... for .... me ....and ... she .... threw .... the ... ring ..... in ..... my .... face"

"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that" asks the first friend

" Well .... I ..... speak .... so .... slowly, that ..... by ...... the ..... time .... she ..... look ..... at .... the ..... dog ...... he ... was.... licking ....... his ..... balls"


Second guy :

17 July 2005

HAIRY PODAH AND THE HALF BLEED PRICK

I dunno why but lately i found that HAIRY PODAH is really fehmes! Manyak olangs tok bout him and his pet elephant Dumbo-doll! Got one Lenglui bought his book for RM99.90 !

Aiyoh! Cite Dongeng also cost so much ..... sommo angmoh mia cite, what happened to cite Pak Pandir or Our Own Legendary Hero like Hang Tuah & his geng ?

Then if you see clearly this two days PPS is fulla HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE mia post. I think so far I am the only alien in Malaysia who never read a single HAIRY PODAH mia story book. In case you think I anti HARRY POTTER i can tell you now that i enjoy the movie but to pay RM99.90 for the book kat MPH I personally think that is moronic madness ( in canto we call them Sohais).

PeNNyPupZ (shes in UK now) told me that in UK they selling for £8.99 at harrypotterbooks.biz sardenlee i got an idea! i goan check kat X-rates.com and found that exchange rate from RM to £ is now at 6.66 which means the book will cost around RM60.00 only!!! So i fast fast ask PeNNyPupZ buy order for me 200 copies and because I order 200 copies they throw in free freight for me!!!

When i get my stock, I will sell them for RM80.00 each (cheaper by almost RM20 compared to that bookstore) , I figured I would be making around RM4k when its all sold out! KAYA AKU this time !!!! WUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

OK OK!!! who want buat booking faster put your name in the comment section below this post ok?

But if you are one hella stingy poker, mau baca takmau bayar. I got just the solution for you! go here for a free read http://dda.mail15.com/ you cheap skate!!! [Link contributed by my buddy at Buangmasa.net ]

I also got this FOC sample novel couriered to me by the UK company, I got scan the cover for you all to see. Nah, you see for yourself la! gerentik Original one!!!




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16 July 2005

HOW DIRTY IS YOUR MIND ??? WANNA FIND OUT ?

HOW DIRTY IS YOUR MIND???

Here is a series of Questionaires to help you to determine how dirty your mind is.

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?

5. All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

10. This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 6 inches long. The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes, is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other. In use, it is quickly inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometime quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft. After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less. What is it?

Here is your ANSWERS:
1. A dentist
2. A wedding ring
3. Peanut Butter
4. A Chewing Gum
5. An elevator
6. A nose
7. A newspaper boy
8. A glove
9. A Crane
10. A toothbrush, of course


SCORES :
If you got -

0-1 answer correct then you are Dizzy - Godfather/Founder Of Hamsup Club [Cimaiii, come i give you kiss]

2-4 answers correct then you are PeNNyPupZ - Very Hamsup [cmon i'm legal adi lah]

5-7 answers correct you are PaulTan - Hamsup but dunno how [Im a virgin & occasional fappers]

8-10 answers correct then you are PeterTan - "HOLE"LY MAN! [did i hear someone squealing yamate????]

14 July 2005

Perodua Introducing the New 330cc Kancil ???!!!!

In view with the recent sharp hike in petrol price Perodua come out with this brilliant idea. They wanna make a car so economical in both price and Fuel Consumption [FC] so to ease the burden of the low income earner (which consist of almost 100% of Kancil driver).

So all the engineers in Perodua Manufacturing plant were asked to come out with the new car designs, engines and other stuffs to compliment the car. Their top priority is to make sure the car is gonna be cheap to produce and low on FC.

Months and months of research were put into the making of the new 330cc front wheel drive AUTOMATIC Kancil and finally the prototype were ready for road test. Only 1 unit were built so each engineer hafta take turn to test drive it and submit their own appraisal.

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New Perodua Engin 330cc

Then come this fler turn ... his name is Kenneth Chiew(Kenn) he is the engine dept mia engineer testing the engine mia pahwer. First he try going uphill 45º slope, the car struggling abit but still managed to arrive at the top of the hill, after that in front of him are flat road with a "T" junction. Kat that "T" junction got 1 trehpik light. So ngam that time red light so Kenn Kena stop la, after wait abit then light turn green so Kenn straight away step on the accelerator buden the car refuse to barge! .... Kenn lower the gear to "D2" and try again this time the engin roaring like hell but the car still dunwan to barge even an inch!


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The New Perodua Kernchill Kancil 330cc Prototype!!!

Frustrated he pop the trunk and start to attach all kinda wires from his laptop to the engin and run test on them, he did not manage to find any fault with the engin, in fact the engin is in perfect conditions. Unsatisfied he look around for others mechanical problems he look at the wheels bearing trying to locate any signs of malfunction, unable to find any he moving towards the tyres and finally he found the problem !!!!

The pobem comes from a piece of CHEWING GUM on the road sticking on to the front left tyre of the car preventing it from moving !!!!

Kancil in USA ? Whats the Possibilities ?

Have you seen the made-in-Malaysia car "Kancil"? You know, that very little 600 660 cc car ???

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Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US, so when he paid a visit to the White House after finishing formal discussions with Clinton, Dr M checks with Bill to find out if there is a way to sell the Kancil in the USA.

After having looked at the brochure, Bill said, You know, I think this 'Kernchill' is too small for us Americans."

Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and finally Clinton offered, "Ok, take this number down. This guy is my good buddy and he's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in North America".

Dr M was satisfied with the meeting and returns to Malaysia. The next day he called the number and a lady answered, "TOYS R US", Can I help you?"




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12 July 2005

Visa Anyone ? I would really prefer MASTERCARD FROM NOW ON!!!!

Recently VISA INT. warning sama one Malaysian Blogger about registering the domain (which one of their sohai staff forgot to renew) www.visa.com.my now they wanna take it back by force! "What if the owner of the domain (Blewtooth) paid the domain registration with his VISA ? that would means even if you buy things with your VISA they arent really belongs to you ???" LMAO!!!

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Cheap Skate by VISA INT. (Image pinjamed from Buangmasa.net)

I listed below the monetary losses of the poor blogger (Blewtooth) :

Lawyer Fees - RM 12,057.32 (Plus tax)
Medical Fees - RM 390.00 (Kena trauma bcoz kena gertak by Visa's Loyar - come with MC 2 days)
Buy Sleeping Pills - RM 120.00 (kena imsonia bcoz kena gertak by VISA's loyar)
Petrol Charges
- RM 450.00 ( Running around the town mintak legal advice sama experts)
Domain Registration - RM 100.00 (just renewed 2 months ago)
Being Force Out Of Your Own Domain By VISA Int. - PRICELESS
For everything else, there is MASTERCARD !!!!!
Eh ... what i mean is, "Phuack" VISA ok ? BLOGGERS !!! BOYCOTT THEM !!!!!!!

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if yew still dunch no what i am toking bout pls go :
VISA INTERNATIONAL - Buangmasa.net [MUST READ!!]
I am a Mastercard holder - 5xm0m
Visa Blog or, how not to treat a customer- Always Wow
End of the line - Brand New Malaysian
Good Bye - Visa.com.my
Big Bullies - IreneQ
Vis-A-Visa - Loopymeal
Visa orders Malaysian blogger to give up domain - Messy Christian
Cease & desist letter from Visa - Asia Business
Visa International goes after blogger - Bene Diction
Vis: What's A Blog Worth? - Mudpond


LEAVE A COMMENT PLEASE STATE YOUR SAPOT !!!! LET THEM KNOW WE ARE PISSED!!!!

Impotent - Proxy Dad is here!!!

The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers". Under the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a proxy father- a government employee who attempts to solve the couple's problem by impregnating the wife.

The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is due to arrive. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I'm off. The government man should be here soon." Moments later a door-to-door baby photographer rings the bell


Ms Smith: "Good morning."

Salesman: "Good morning, madam. You don't know me, but I've come to....."

Ms Smith: "No need to explain, I've been expecting you.

Salesman: "Really? Well, good. I've made a specialty of babies, especially twins."

Ms Smith: "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."

Salesman: (Sitting) "Then you don't need to be sold on the idea?"

Ms Smith: "Don't concern yourself. My husband and I both agree this is the right thing to do."

Salesman: "Well, perhaps we should get down to it."

Ms Smith: (Blushing) "Just where do we start?"

Salesman: "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor allows the subject to really spread out."

Ms Smith: "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it hasn't worked for Harry and me."

Salesman: "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time, but if we try several locations and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results. In fact, my business card says, 'I aim to please.'"

Ms Smith: "Pardon me, but isn't this a little informal?"

Salesman: "Madam, in my line of work, a man must be at ease and take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that."

Ms Smith: "Don't I know! Have you had much success at this?"

Salesman: (Opening his briefcase and finding baby pictures) "Just look at this picture. Believe it or not, it was done on top of a bus in downtown
London."

Ms Smith: "Oh, my!!"

Salesman: "And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town. They turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

Ms Smith: "She was?"

Salesman: "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her down to
Hyde Park to get the job done right. I've never worked under such impossible conditions. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

Ms Smith: "Four and five deep?"

Salesman: "Yes and for more than three hours, too. The mother got so excited she started bouncing around, squealing and yelling at he crowd. I couldn't concentrate. I'm afraid I had to ask a couple of men to restrain her. By that time darkness was approaching and I began to rush my shots. When the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in."

Ms Smith: "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh.., equipment?"

Salesman: "That's right, but it's all in a day's work. I consider my work a pleasure. I've spent years perfecting my patented technique. Now take this baby, I shot this one in the front window of a big department store."

Ms Smith: "I just can't believe it."

Salesman: "Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

Ms Smith: "TRIPOD?!?"

Salesman: "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on. It's much too heavy and unwieldy for me to hold while I'm shooting. Ms Smith?...Ms Smith?...My word, she's FAINTED!!!



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9 July 2005

Your Wife Need Sex 3 Times a Week

A 75-year-old woman went to the doctor for a check up. The doctor told her she needed more cardiovascular activity, and recommended that she engage in sexual activity three times a week.

A bit embarrassed, she said to the doctor, "Please tell my husband."

The doctor went out into the waiting room and told the husband that his wife needed sex three times a week.

The 80-year-old husband replied, "Which days?" The doctor answered, "Monday, Wednesday, and Friday would be ideal."

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The husband said, "I can bring her on Monday and Wednesday, but on Fridays, she'll have to take the bus."

LMAO!!!!

Sex - 1st time for Pro Bowler

AhKeat is young guy from “ULU” Yam was on his way to stardom on the pro bowling champenship, but he had very little sexperience with women.

So finally one day AhLian which he met at a publicity at a party, very Hiao-ly ask him to bring her to his hotel room. Unfortunately AhKeat had no idea what to do.

Finally AhLian said “I teach you lar! All you haf to do is to take the hardest thing you got and put it into where I pee.”

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So AhKeat immediately go and take his bowling ball and dropped it into the toilet.


8 July 2005

Underwear Exposed!

Once upon a time there is a family consist of 2 fler …. Ying Ci the doter and her oldman. The story has it that this family very poor. Ying Ci ngam ngam 17 years old and goto factory to work to earn money feed the family.

Her starting gaji RM400 linccit oni. Buden somehow YingCi’s oldman found out that Ying Ci managed to buy new handphone every month and got lotsa money to buy new cothes and shoes also, so he also pening … he knows Ying Ci mia gaji RM400 linccit only …. Abuden he terus ask Ying Ci la …

Doter ar … mai sini … ahpah mau tanye sikit …

YingCi : Mud chat ?
Oldman : where u come so much money to buy all this Nokia 6600 and AIRmani shirt ??
YingCi : My co-worker they all very good they gimme money everyday during lunch
Oldman : Give u money ???!!! how ???
YingCi : During lunch time they all gimme 5 bucks each and ask me to climb up the flag pole lo!
Oldman : AIYO!!! Doter you don’t so stupid la !!! rugi la lidis!!! They wanna see your underwear only la !!!
YingCi : AIYOYO!!!! Lidat one ahpah ??? I rugi la lidis!!!! Nvm ahpah I know what to do from now on!

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One day later.

YingCi : Ahpah!!!
Oldman : Mud chat ?
YingCi : Today I so smart hor! I made the same money without rugi to them O!
Oldman : Wuah !!! so smart ar ? Tell me how u do it?
YingCi : Easy ler …. U say they all wanna see my underwear mah, so today I no wear underwear they mai knot see lor!!!
Oldman *fall down from the chair and foaming from the mouth*