30 June 2006

Rojaks Guides to Better Employment for School Leaver

By this time around, those who got accepted to local university should know of them by now ... those who gonna go study overseas also sould start looking for infos by now too.

Then there is still those less fortunated ones (myself included) who did not have the luxury of continuing their academic achievements to a higher level (to get youself a degree or a *DOUBLE DEGREEs*) then its time to look for an employment oppurtunity.

So, you might be new to this job seeking adventure and you might not know what to look for. you open the newspaper, you read every farking employment ads innit and yet you dunno what da fark they are trying to tell you.

If this is the case then worry no more! Wingz has been thru that all and today I m gonna guide you thru this little obstacle.


Employment Ads and what they really mean!
  • Competitive Salary - what they really mean is they knot give you high high salary bcoz if they give u high high salary ledi they wont be competitive anymore!.
  • Join Our Fast-Paced Company - This one means, You kena Jiakaki (eat yourself) they all *fark you no free* therefore no one would have time to give u training, so u kena learn all by yourself la!.
  • Casual Work Atmosphere - If you see this then you should be careful ledi ... this one actually means the salary very low one! Why? becoz they know your salary very low and you will not be able to afford nice clothing lar! thats why they let u wear your torn jeans n lousy t-shirt to work! .
  • Must Be Deadline Oriented - This one lagi dangerous! the pay might be high but the moment you goto work you alredi 3 months behind your deadline! This is what I call *shit picker* you are basically hired to pick up someone elses shit LOL!.
  • Some Overtime Required - this means you are required to work OT everyday even on weekends!
  • Duties Will Vary/Job Rotation - This one very simple oni ..... basically it means *Opis Boi or Opis Assistant*. One Leg Kick all ... suma pao!
  • Must Have An Eye For Detail - This one requires you to check your own work because no one will check it for you. If you screwed up you will kena! lol!!
  • Career-Minded - Normally this line only applicable to female only .... what it means is they prefer you to stay single lar ... no paktor and if you alredi married when u join the kompeni then they would prefer you to be childless la so you could put more time and attention into your job ler.
  • Apply In Person - This one most of the time also applicable to female only .... in short it means if you are fat, short or FUGLY we will ask u to go home and wait for news.
  • No Phone Calls Please - If you see this kinda ads then you no need to waste time liow ... the position alredi taken by one of the staff's relative ledi one ... they put advertisement there just to show their boss that they did not plektis any favourtism.
  • Seeking Candidates With A Wide Variety of Experience - Wuah this one high stress job! what they really mean is you kena take over the jobs of at least 2-3 staffs whois gonna leave end of the month.
  • Problem Solving Skills A Must - What they are trying to tell you is "Our kompeni is in big trouble therefore we would like to have someone who can teach us how to get out of this hellhole.
  • Requires Team Leadership Skills - this one very straight forward! Your name card will say Manager but your salary will say Supervisor.
  • Good Communication Skills - You go into meeting .... listen to them tok rubbish and after they finish ledi you are suppose to figure out what da fark they just said and do it!

If you follow the above guidelines in seeking your employment I can bet that you will end up with a great job! Rojaks Daily wishes all job seekers all the best in your future under takings.

God bless you and WELCOME TO HELL!!!

This is anoder community message brought to you by Rojaks Daily, your daily jokes pusher!


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9 comments:

  1. First to comment~!
    With Rojakz employment guide, now i am muchly understand what the fark that a company want from us...

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  2. Diu la..If follow ur guideline, 9 out of 10 job ad aso write like that. All aso write like that, means go trap 1.

    So this blog need full-time maintenance-r ar??!!

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  3. Must be computer illiterate - what will that mean ah?

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  4. and if you see "financial planner or financial consultant" it means Insurance salesman.

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  5. Adaptable - Means that beside the job scope defined in the contract, you are responsible for all other works around the office such as make coffee and empty the rubbish bin...

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  6. AGREE !!!AGREE!!! and this company won't pay u much la..pay u sikit + squeeze ur brain juice kau kau...jadi brain juice kau kau + lemon.

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  7. no experience needed & high salary - Rm10 salesman or commodity trader.

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  8. dui lor..nowonder up to today i kenot get a job.. tenkiu wingz for enlighten me.

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  9. another common one - 'a degree in any discipline' - nid that to sell say, floor tiles? i think loads of experience and contacts would be more valuable in this case.

    ReplyDelete

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