Moral of the Story is .... If You Angmoh Dont Do Acupunture la!

I was telling this Ahlian a joke and she told me its not funny!!! MCH!!! How can be not funny?!! I refused to take not funny as answer!!! So i goan dig this video out! This story same like the one i told Ahlian ... you tell me funny anot?!

Nah Ahlian, this one espeselee for you! Niahma you better luff loud loud ok?! If not later you will kena the "Grim RAPEr!" from banglas!




Niahma ... you see the expression on that angmoh face at the end of the ads is dem priceless la! To jump or not to jump ... thats the question! The moral of the sotry is ... if you Angmoh then dont go do acupunture la diu! Acupunture is chainis thingy la! We no speak hamburger wan!

Bird Nest for Mader Day Plesen?

Mader day is nearby oni and needless to say lotsa peeple will think of what plesen they should buy for their mader. (seriously ... why oni be good to own mader only one day in a year? got serious blen damage ka?)

Of coz since most mader is alredi seasoned .... most of the chewren will prefer to buy something thats good for their health wan. Ginseng, Yomeishu and bird nest is among the popular health related producks during this mader day celebration. I dunno much about Ginseng and other health related ploducks but I got this email from Uncle Cocka about Bird nest and how its being processed that might makes you think twice about purchasing/consuming Bird's saliva (nest)

You all might think all bird nests looks like the one this bird nest harvester is holding on his hands

but think again ... out in the open ... your spit will be sticky and start attracting dust and insects and who know what kinda other creature that might get attracted by spits?





Or it will end up looking like this! A mouldy, fungus infected black bird nest! But of coz .. if they put this piece of "charcoal" on the shelves ... no one will buy it! So ....





Someone gotta clean it! seperating the bird nest from feathers, dirt and god knows what else is onnit.


Seperate ledi then cut into small small pieces ...



Then put those small small pieces into a pail and soak with water. This is where other lighter debris will float to the top and removed. but still the color is not as nice as those bird nest we buy in the shop rite? Wait la! got more process wan la!



Then soak into bleach! (Bleach is clorox or hydrogen peroxide la!)



Bleach them kaw kaw till they turn white color!


Then pour in hot water to get rid of the bleach smell



Still there will be those dirty/colored one ....


Then you hafta dig out the dirty one manually seperating them from the good one.





There! its done! Now to the next step!



Shape them up! I always wonder why those bird nest all uniform shape wan? I thot they got some kinda skool to teach those swallow how to make the same shape of nest wan ... mana tau its human who made the shape!



Nah! see nice anot? Like kueh shape lidat!



Then they kasi arrange neat neat on dryer


Then they kasi arrange neat neat on the "homemade" dryer


Before the drying process


Domestic fan being used and the heat from the bulb helps with the drying process.



Drying process might takes as long as 24 hours.



Fully dried manually shaped bird nest ready to be sell.


The Bird nest that are available at the chainis medicine shop ....

This is part of the excerpt taken from the email :

"Malaysia and Indonesia produce at least 800-2000kg of Cao Yan and Mao Yan.

In these birds' nests, only a small amount is edible (the saliva of the bird), but they are very dirty and almost black in colour. No one would want to consume it.

So should we just waste it like that? No, there is of course a way of turning them into attractive products, which is bleaching. Some suppliers use H2O2 to get rid of the smell of second class birds nest. H2O2 is a rather poisonous chemical, and it might cause cancer.

Only some food contain small amount of SO2 and SO3 (not more than 0.00000002%) In Japan the amount of SO2 and SO3 in all sorts of food must not exceed 0.00000001 after bleaching.

Before this, the nutritional value in Cao Yan and Mao Yan is already very low. After processing using chemicals, the nutrient in the birds' nests is totally destroyed. Therefore, the nutritional value can be said to be lower than Pek Bok Nee... have you eaten before?

The birds' nests which are bleached have lost its original shape. So, businessmen turn these birds' nests into different kinds of shape. The most common shapes are leaf-shaped, strips and round shape. There are also those who dye the birds nest into yellow/ red colour, and cheat the unknown consumers by selling these birds' nests to them as Xue Yan/Jin Si Yan.

The nutritional value of these birds' nest is gone and totally worthless after processing them with lots of chemicals.

Do you think that people will still be selling them ?"

Gonna be buying Bird nest for your lovely mum this lambing mader's day anyone? Cocka said eat his saliva is better la!

Note : To trust or not to trust? You be the judge ok? It might just be anoder hoax or .... it might not ....

How to Fix Your Wet Handphone?

Lets say one day u very sikap (stomachache) and you rush to toilet and take off your pants as fast as you can but while doing so .... you dropped your vehlee expensip handphone into the toilet hole and its all wet!

How now? Jialat ledi! Can save anot still? Nid to buy new phone??

Last time you no read rojaks then you are screwed and kena buy new phone la .. but now u got read rojaks ledi u no sked la! I teech lu how to save your expensip phone ok? Cheap phone no nid save la! Buy new can cheaper! LOL!

To read this article, you kena click on the image above. I lazy wanna retype the whole thing.

I know its strange ... bury your wet phone in the rice and it will be as good as before? I neber wet my phone befoh so i dunno how true izzit .... . But think of it this way ... rice is how much only per kilo? if it really works .... what do you got to lose? rite anot?

If dun work dun kam fark me ok? You prolly nid an excuse to buy a new phone anyway! LOL!

Why These Dogs Were at the VET?

There were three dogs at the vet talking to each other ....

Dog 1 : I bite up all my masters shoes, and that's why I m here.

Dog 2: I pee on my masters $1,000 carpet, and thats why i m here.

Dog 3 : My master is a female and she likes to clean house in the nude, so when she bent over to pick up something, I went for the ride of a life time!.

Dog 1 :And that's why you're here?

Dog 3 : No, my master say my nails are too sharp and I m hurting her, so she sent me here to get my nails clipped so next time I wont hurt her.

Monday Bulus - How to Snake in Opis

Its Monday! the most dreadful day of all! its a long way to go before the next weekend!!!

Its day lidis we nid a bit of push (not from behind lar you pervert!) to give us the pahwer to go thru the next 4-5 days of hell!

We in Rojaks understand this fact therefore we came out with ways to help you go thru your monday a bit easier!

Today we teeching lu how to snake in the opis!

Lets say u been typing in the opis since 9am and suddenly you feel dem blardee sleepy .... u swear to god that you could almost sleep with your eyes open ... what should you do?

This is what you should do ....

1st u slide as much as your body under the desk lidis ....



here is the top view jsut so you dont do it wrongly




When most of your body is in ... now just slide sideway till your fugly face is underneath the desk also. (like the pik above la!)



Nah show you the perspective view la!



This is the sideview!

Note : Before you attempt something as stupid as this ... i would advice you to goan weight yourself first ... if you weight anything more than 50kg ... pls dont break the chair and table ok? LOL!

How to Win Noble Prize

This is a story about a guy name Ahbeng and his quest of pursuing the Noble Prize, those who derno what is Noble prize pls go google about it or you could click on the link above ok?

The Noble Prize Medal

Ahbeng been dreaming winning the Noble Prize since young age, to achieve his dream he worked very hard 24/7. At 24 years old he managed to save enuff money to buy his own farm that comes with a huge field.

Ahbeng then quit his job and begin his life as a farmer, he would work from 6am till 5pm go home take a bath and a meal and walk to the field and stand in the middle of the field from 7pm onwards till midnite.

Ahbeng's daily routine had triggered the curiosity of his neighbors and one of them (Ahock) who is also Ahbeng good fren la. Ahock been watching Ahbeng's routine for a few months edi and at first he told himself dun busybody then after a while curiosity gets to him and he cant hold it any longer but to open his mouth and ask. So Ahock inbite Ahbeng to kopitiam for a cuppa of kopi that evening and the conversation goes lidis ...

Ahock : Ahbeng, what you doing stading in the middle of your field every night?
Ahbeng : Ah .... I m doing that to achieve my dream!
Ahock : your dream?? what dream you got?
Ahbeng : I wanna win the NOBLE PRIZE!
Ahock : NOBLE PRIZE??!! How on earth you gonna win a Noble prize by standing in the middle of a field everyday?
Ahbeng : You dunno one la! I wrote a letter to Noble Prize foundation asking them how to win noble prize wan and they replied my letter, after that I has been doing what they told me to do in order to win the noble prize.
Ahock : And that is standing in the middle of the field?
Ahbeng : Yup!
Ahock : Why?
Ahbeng : In their reply they told me that "noble prize is given to people who is/are OUTSTANDING in their FIELD"
Ahock :


To those who dun gedit ... the keywords here is OUT-STANDING and FIELD now goan read again!

Ahlian at Skool!

Yesday my Kid said this to me ....

Kid : Ahpah! Ahpah!
Me : Yea?
Kid : Skool got one big Ahlian's pikture!
Me : Your TCher put up Ahlian Pikture in your skool?
Kid : Yar
Me : Your TCher also into Ahlian Stuffs huh? I dun blame her la ... she also looks like Ahlian also!
Kid : kekekekeke Tcher look like Ahlian!!
Me : Ahlian hair what kaler wan?
Kid : Green kaler and got big big eyes!
Me : You sure Ahlian hair is not gold?
Kid : No, Green kaler hair and big big eyes and long hands with sharp fingers!
Me : Wah!! New style for Ahlian ar?
Kid : Yah! Ahlian got Spaceship too!
Me : AHlian got spaceship??!!!
Kid : Yah! got lotsa lights on the spaceship!
Me : Har?? You dun bruff Ahpah hor! Its a sepot car with bling bling lights izzit?
Kid : What is bling bling lights Ahpah?
Me : Nebermin .... tomolo i bring you to skool u show me the pikture wokeh?
Kid : Okeh!

And this morning I saw this pikture at the hall of my Kid mia kindy ......


MCH! I shud have known la! altho hes my kid but hes too young to inherent my Ahbeng genes yet! Its ALIEN pikture la! Not Ahlian pikture!!! ARGHHH!!!

Cuci Mata WETassDAY!!!

Befoh you proceed, this is the WETassday Cuci Mata Post mia rules :

1. Dont let your hands wanders below the desk. (This one very important wan! must follow!)
   
2. If you have heart attack pls dont proceed.
3. If you not as hamsap as Linpeh, then pls do not proceed.
4. Do not take Viagra before viewing this post, Tongkat Ali also kenot! If take ledi dun proceed ... I sked later u lau bei huet!
   
5. Others proceed under own risk.
6. After read dun go toilet tfk.
   
7. If you wanna zoom the pikture big big just click on the pikture ok?
   

Due to time constrain I tarak taruk any caption today so u all panai panai taruk imaginary captions yourself la!

PHUHHHH!!!! Erection la!!! ERECTION!!!!



What I would give just to be able to touch that!



FULL MOON!!!!



Where can get this "dress"??!!! WHERE?!!!







Wah lan eh! Pak suet suet!!!!










Why Mareysia tarak sell this jeans wan??!!!

That concludes today session of cuci mata wetassday .... been insanely busy with work lately. Will update often when time permits.

Brain and Eyes Teaser

Wanna know how powderfool is your blen is?

Wanna know if you got powderfool eyes anot?

Nah! here you chance!

Here got one pikture, first you count how mehnee peeple in the pikture .... then the pikture will change switching from one side to another, then you count again ... but this time you realised its either less or more by one person!

How can it be? Dun briff you count and see la!

Strange leh??! Anyone know why anot?

Fat is Ugly, Thin is Pretty?

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WARNING :
18SX - Small bois n girls ... go do your homework! Dun read! go play PS2 or PS3 or Wii or PSP or hello kitty or hello puppy or anything as long as u dont read this post can edi! If you die die also wanna read ... then call your mum/dad at work and ask for permission 1st ok?
Oh! and its NSFW too! Its not for the Faint hearted neither! Pls do not proceed if you have a weak heart ok?

Note : NSFW means Not Safe From Work .... so, if u kena fire bcoz you read my blog at work ... u dun kam find me ok?

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General perceptions is always against fat peeple like us ... buden if fat ppl is fugly then what about these thin peeple?

Now suddenly u feel that fat peeple isnt so fugly after all rite anot?

Streamyx Combo Best!

One day Ahbeng and Ahlian went shopping mall there to look see look see. Then, got this hansem gentlemen come and approach them, and say, “Sir, Madam, Streamyx Combo for you?”

Then Ahbeng goan take the fryer and see, and this is what he see:

Ahbeng: Fuyoh! You selling me burger ah? What name is your burger jek? How kam neber hear before lidat wan?

Hansem gentlemen (HG): No sir. This is broadband internet.

Ahbeng: HAH? Bloadband? What is that jek?

HG: Do you surf the internet, sir?

Ahbeng: Of course lar! I very IT fler wan! Every Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday oso I go check weather I kena number or not!

HG: That’s very good sir. When you load the page, does it load very fast, or slowly?

Ahbeng: Aiya, this is the prabrem lar. Everytime I tensen wanna see weather I win number or not, the internet hor, load so slow lar! Like one number one number kam out lidat. Make me no patient oni.

HG: Sir, if I tell you that with this broadband internet, your internet speed will be doubled, even tripled sir, would you believe me? Do you like it that when you click on a link, your page loads in seconds?

*Ahbeng’s eyes open up big big*

Ahbeng: Sure anot? You dunch bruff me wor.

HG: Sir, I won’t bluff you. As you can see from the flyer, broadband internet can actually be cheaper than your usual dial-ups at home. For only RM 60 per month, you get UNLIMITED internet access! And on top of that, this package comes with a modem, so you don’t have to go through the trouble of buying a modem yourself. This saves you time and money sir! And if there is a problem with your modem, worry not, for there is a warranty for the modem. Just give us a call and our friendly technician will be at your doorstep to fix everything for you.

Ahbeng: Fuyoh! This Streamyx like very good hor.

HG: It is, sir! Let me tell you a little secret to help you save more money.

Ahbeng: Wah this wan I like! Faster tell me!

HG: Right now we have a promotion for Streamyx Combo. This simply means that when you apply for Streamyx, you only pay RM 60 a month, without having to pay the additional RM 25 for your TM Homeline Rental. Every month you save RM 10, imagine how much you get to save in a year!

Ahbeng: *think hard hard* Lidat you’re right oso. RM 10 one month. RM 120 one year. Good ah, good ah! You sure you dunch bruff me wan hor? I wan those type I click then faster faster can see the page wan wor. I dunch want to wait until bekside oso pain wan wor! Ok lar lidat. How do I sign up jek?

HG: You can call 100 or visit the nearest TMPoint, or even sign up at the booth here.

So you how? If you are still using dial-up, don’t think anymore lor. Nowdays, peoples want everything to be fast. Lidis only can catch up on the rat race mah.