12 August 2007

I Dont Know What Else to Say .....

I dont know what else to say other than thank you.

When all hope is lost,
Thank you all for giving me courage,
Thank you all for showing me hope,
Thank you all for the motivation,
Thank you all for showing me that human is actually not as scary as I thought they are ....

Hope and dreams is what that keep a man alive, when all hope is lost and all dreams are broken, man will think of doing silly stupid stuffs.

What happened?

I am at a level right now where i doubt if I could still be what a father should be, to be able to provide for my kid's future. I doubt I could be what a husband should be to be the provider for the family or the least basic I m not sure how much long I can afford to put food on the table anymore.

I lost lotsa stuffs. both material and emotional stuffs that I worked so hard for as long as I could remembered and for some obvious reason I cant expose of, not here in my blog.

I am still searching and waiting and I hope there will be a sign telling me what is the path i should take next because I dont like this feeling of being stuck at the junction for this long time. Time is a luxury that I dont have at this moment...

Usually when I fall down, it would only take me a few days to stand back up but this time it takes alot longer than a few days. Its not only that, whenever i managed to pull myself together someone/something will whack me from behind and I will fall down again. One step forward ... two steps backward.

This has been going on for at least a month and I always ask myself ..... what is my limit? I mean obviously everyone would have his/her own limit of how much shit one can take right?

Right now there just isnt any light at the end of the tunnel, I probably havent reach the end of the tunnel yet and I been walking for more than a month ledi. Is there ever gonna be a light at the end of the tunnel or I am going the wrong way?

If you ask me now What is the scariest thing on earth? I would tell you that its not a an angry ghost or anything near that ... the scariest thing is this world is human.

I m still searching and lost, I would really appreciate advices from those who had been through similar situation, where can I go from here?


  1. i am sure there will be a way. just have to search for it.

  2. when all seems lost, look for that silver lining in the sky. u may not see it just yet but it will show itself. be patient & persevere, remember ur family & friends all support u..there is always hope

  3. I also dunno what to say but maybe it's time you decide what you should do or what you want to do, and do it, rather than waiting for the 'light'?

    I'm sorry I can't offer much but I hope that you'll find your answer soon... No matter what happens, your family and friends (the true ones) will stick by you thru' thick and thin...

  4. The Chinese have this saying that goes, 'When the ship reaches the harbour, it will naturally dock'.

    When one's life reaches a junction, one naturally has to turn. 'Dead end' is just a perception.

    Keep your spirits high, wingz! Don't ever let them waiver.

  5. Wish u all the best in whatever u decide to do..

  6. Well, here are some of my thoughts. First rule, do not share whats bothering you with everyone. Only those who are really really trustworthy. Ppl will take advantage if they know your weakness and strike you down further. Some might even do it unknowingly. So no blogging and telling it to the world.

    There is a period when the light ceases to shine on a person. Everywhere you turn you will meet with even more headaches. This is actually just a journey of self discovery. You are lucky to experience this now when your son is still young, because he will need you even more when he's older.

    I'm not sure how long this period will be for you, for me it took almost 7 yrs because I took the wrong decisions and use the wrong methods (journey to the dark side).
    I made the mistake of cutting off my best friends and family. And took on a lot of excess baggage.
    Hint: the good ppl are those that you feel is stupid and don't like to hear them talk.

    What if i tell you that there is no escape and the only way is to ride through it and go with the tide? It will be worth every second
    when you're finally out. Being a person will be very easy and no pressure in the world can break you. Plus other benefits....hehe

    When this is finally over, (not by suicide though) and it will, the false and fake things in your life will be gone, only the true essence is left. I'm not sure how many ppl experience this 'dark period' in their lives but one thing is certain, those who can go through it are the lucky ones. Just keep this motto, 'there is a silver lining behind every dark cloud'. It's just that now yours is a cumulonimbus.

    Lastly, keep your character that has managed to get you this far, the one that has made ppl's days brighter and made us laugh (through blog postings). Eg if you're not a smoker, don't take it up just because you feel frustrated....something like that lah. If not, be prepared to get an extension.....like me. And I'm still learning until today.

  7. oh, btw, remember the Thai millionaire that went bankrupt and ended up selling sandwiches? He is not that lucky because he got to go through it at the worst time....when he's at the top.

  8. don't doubt yourself, you're a great father :) don't give up uncle!!! look at all the people around you!!

  9. i'm not sure whats bothering you, but i do know the feeling of being lost and despair...

    if you need help, you can count on me...

  10. http://youtube.com/watch?v=pCWw6W5NEa8 try watch this video =) maybe you will see something better

  11. take it easy. U have our blessings here.

  12. Read Billy Lim's Dare to Fail. Got one story about donkey who trap in a well (perigi buta). Maybe this story can motivate you.

    All the best.

  13. ned a job? or is it something personal??..

    dont worry..with your reputation in the blogsphere..im sure u will get the help

  14. Chop 9 that fella la ;-)

  15. Hemmmm!! Something really bad have happened?? Whatever it is hang on! I am sure u can made it!Beast wish to u!

  16. I'm not in a perfect situation to advised but I had almost leaving my life to then end..

    But then I'm happy to have have friends and family as my support. I can see you have them too.. Just imagine how they would feel like to know that their hero is given up. Exspecially ur lil' devil.

    Anything can be solved in this world but it needs time and patients... Patient...

    So open up.. do things you always you liked to do to have your mind clarity. Think about the glory days you have passed through than the days you fall..
    It will make you stand stronger.

  17. Hi there,

    been reading ur blog for uiqte some time, really enjoyed it. it's sad to hear that you are going through a rough patch now. but that's life you know, i have been through it a couple of times as well, and every time i managed to get out coz i have a woncderful friend, his name is Jesus. let meknow if u wanna tok more......take care bro

  18. It sounds really bad to me, the problem. So I'll just lend my support to you in case you need it. Just hang on bro!

  19. hang on there tough guy!!! i'm not sure what problem you are facing now but no matter how bad a person fall, there will be definitely one day when you will be standing back again, stronger than before!!! i've been through this kinda situation before, and the only solid and firm advice that i can give it to you is that KEEP ON HANGING TOUGH!!! maybe it is a test my the GODS to train and polish you back, right??? take every single things that happen to you as a challange, and never ever let it down, ok??? PEACE!!!

  20. Like what we all said that day, don't think bout it so much, think other things. I'm sure you can see the light at the end of tunnel soon. Take care bro!

  21. *tight hugs for you*

    You know my number, ya?

  22. dun worry so much everything will be fine later. dun give up man! keep on going strong!!
    u need someone to rant? come let's talk more!! charmaine_chin87@hotmail.com

  23. Hang in there.

    Dont give up! There is still hope. There are people who loves and cares abt you.

    Just be patient with what you are going through.

  24. life ain't easy from the first day... but i believe for everything that happened will have a happy end... cheer up uncle wingz!

  25. yea yea chop kao that fella!!! if cannot chop that fella go chop lin peh!!!

  26. whoa.. keep your chin up, bro.

    my dad went thru some hard times too. right smack before we started our higher education. how fxxked was that?

    we sat down as a family and discussed our options. we sacrificed a few things but they were only material.

    what is more important is that we were there as a family. the burden was borne by all.

    keep your chin up. there is light beyond the dark tunnel. just keep looking forward.

    hope all is ok for you and your family.

  27. always look on the bright side of life

  28. Wingz,

    There are many things in life that we had to learn and one of them is what you had faced.

    It is not the end of the world, Wingz! There are far greater persecutions we had to face as we walk this life. Your problem may look big and bad... Someday, after you had resolved this crisis, you may have to face a far larger and behemoth another. This is life and this is a time of challenge. Your minds are clouded and your thoughts are blurred.

    Fear not, Wingz. I will walk with you. Talk to me if you need someone. You are my friend and I will try to help if I can.

    Stay sane and there is a way out; trust me!!!! (I am no fortune teller or philanthropist, but I am a friend)

  29. Hi Wingz,
    I'm your ardent fan and this is my first time writting to you.

    I don't know what you are facing there, frankly, I hope all our guesses is better wrong than real.

    I wouldn't ask you to look at the bright side, cos if you could, you wouldn't be feeling what you a feeling now.

    So, let me share a poems with you;

    It isn’t the thing that you do, dear;
    it is the thing that you leave undone.
    That gives you a bit of heartache.
    At the setting of the Sun.

    The tender word forgotten.
    The letter you didn’t write,
    The flower you didn’t send, dear.
    Are your haunting ghosts at night.

    The stone that you might have lifted out of a brother’s way.
    A bit of kindly counsel.
    You were too hurried to say:

    The loving touch of a hand, dear;
    the gentle winning tone;

    But you had no time nor thought for,
    with troubles enough of your own.
    Those little acts of kindness,
    so easily out of mind

    Those chances to be angel,
    which we poor mortal find;
    They come in night and silence,
    each sad and reproachful wraith,
    When hope is faint and flagging,
    and a chill falls on our faith;

    For life is too short, dear,
    and sorrow is all too great

    To suffer our slow compassion,
    that tarries until it’s too late.

    And it isn’t the thing you do, dear,
    it’s the thing you leave undone,
    That will give you a bit of a heartache,
    at the setting of the sun.

    Margaret Sangster
    “The Sin of Ommision”

  30. And oh yes, I will reccomend you to watch "In pursuit of Happyness". How much I realised, who I will be tommorrow is how much I live today..

  31. at least i know i'm not the only one...hey let's motivate one another here :) positive thinking!

  32. Remember no matter what, take care of your health, I'm sure you have your friends and family to give you moral support.

    Good luck to you Wingz.


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