29 June 2005
True Ad in Melbourne Paper
The following advertisement in the Melbourne Age is reported to have received numerous calls:
Single Black Female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.
I am a very good-looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the bush, riding in your ute, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours.
Call xxxxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy.
Over 5,000 men found themselves talking to the RSPCA about an eight week-old black Labrador Retriever puppy........
27 June 2005
25 June 2005
BUSH were giving this speech in Hakka about China and USA's future relationship.
Subtitle "Kok Wooi Haw, Kin Niah Sin Moon Bao Cow Tee. Ngai Heh BUSH.
Mui Ket Tah Chung Ket, Chung Ket Tah Mui Ket.
ChungKet Tah Tau Mui Ket Liew Sai Pee Hat, Ngai BUSH Kong Tiow Niah Mah Chew Chee Pet, Erm Tet Erm Tet."
Huh ? why subtitle knot be in hakka one ? i never say my subtitle is in Yingrish also ! LMAO!!!
OK la since many tarak understand Hakka i will make a hakka-yingrish subtitle for you all lar, here goes :
"Everybodi good, now is news time and I am Bush.
Amalika attack China, China Attack Amalika,
China attack Amalika untill Amalika nose bleed, Me Bush Say "Throw your mader smelly shows (translate that into canto pls)" knot knot! "
nah ... i hope now you can get a better pikchures of what Bush is saying :P
I PURPOSELY printed my blog's name "ROJAKS" on my vest for easy identification but, no one come to say "HI" to me also .... *cham cham*
So I sat at the far korner the whole nite all by myself *sniff sniff* I know I am not a fehmes blogger la ... wat to do .... life is lidat lor ... *sigh*
If you dont belif me! I got pichure to prove it!!! :P
Tenkiu Jayelle for sending me my only pichure taken at the party.
24 June 2005
According to Mr.Bluebird (my needle/informant) the name of the movie is 007 ½ agent SPYHARD. Its a Action comedy movie and will also will co-star anoder Fehmes blogger Jayelle as the heroine. Talks to close the deal is underway as I am typing this.
Mr. Bluebird also managed to sneak some info to me via his wifi enabled Spy Cam as prove that we are not taking you guys for a ride!
Oh WOW! I am so looking forward for this Movie !!!
If you dont belif me, you see for yourself la !!! Bluff you for what ?!
23 June 2005
Blog of The Year Award goes to KENNYSIA !!!!
Neophyte Blog Of The Year goes to SIMON !!!
Ping Of The Year goes to Jeffooi!!!
My Heartiest Congratulation to all Winners!
Many Thanks to YP for the sms updates she sent me.
Hes the kinda guy who sticks on to his own kind back in Australia and Im the only chinese friend he got so far, and he do not like chinese food either!
We arrived at Batu Pahat at around noon and upon our arrival we are greeted by Mr Lam, and so we went thru the usual boring stuffs, drive around the huge factory in a golf cart looking the manufacturing processes.
The tour lasted about an hour and we were invited to the meeting room on the second floor. As we walked into the stairscase leading to the meeting room there is this huge sign "PLEASE TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES" and since Terry arent used to our customs, he told me he wanna take a leak while he still have his shoes on bcoz he dont wanna use the toilet upstairs bare footed. I did not stop him for i do not wanna explain to him why they want us to take off our shoes in front of Mr.Lam.
"You guys go ahead, I'll catch up when im done" says Terry. So, me and Mr.Lam proceed to the 2nd floor and there is where i was introduced to Ms.Anita Kwok (a very pretty lady) shes the head of the export department. While waiting for Terry, Mr.Lam takes this time to show me some of the new products developed by them, which is just next to the meeting room. Ms. Anita did not come with us prolly shes waiting for Terry.
At that time Me and Lam were too busy talking to ourself cracking jokes and out of a sudden Terry walks in from behind, and this conversation takes place :
Terry : Hey! there you are.
Me : What took you so long? come here lemme introduce you to the lady next door
Terry : I already met her
Me : You did ?
Terry : Yea, i think Asian lady is HOT! she got a thing for me!
Me : What kinda crap ya talking about ?
Terry : Im serious! she was very straight forward.
Me : WTF ???
Terry : She walked right up to me, offered me a handshake and said "Hi! I need a cock, nice to meet you.
Me : WHA... ???!!!
Terry : Yea you heard me right! i couldnt believe it at first, i asked her again "I need a what ?" she told me "COCK!"
Me : OMFG!!! you are fucking crazy! thats her name ANITA and KWOK is her surname you pervert!
Terry : OMFG!!! how am i suppose to know ??!!! you chinese do have weird names!!!
Me : Yea tell me bout it Mr.Broadhead!
At the end of the day we got ourself a good luff out of this whole thing, luckily Terry didnt get slap by Anita LOL!
Moral of the story : If your surname is Kwok and you are a girl, please dont call yourself ANITA ok ? those qweilos dont understen wan !!!!
The counsellor immediately grabbed his mobile phone, dialled 999, and it wasn't more than 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His BMW, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "My God, don't you even realise that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!"
"My God!" screamed the lawyer........... (GUESS WHAT THE LAWYER SAID?) .............
[Scroll down for the answer]
(Scroll down) C'mon! Guess what he said after that......
Be patient !! scroll down Lagi Lagi!!!...........
"OH NO!!! Where's my ROLEX !!!!????"
21 June 2005
It was Saturday, when i was told to try the food out in this restaurant. Its located along Jln. Cannought, unfortunately I do not have their full address but nx time when i go there again I will update this entry ok ? The name of the Fantastic Restaurant is "Elegant Inn"
This is the starter, its consist of jelly fish, Deep fried Silverfish with Brinjal and Nam Yue Chicken Wing, The Deep Fried Silverfish were simply outta this world!! no one word can describe it! SUPERLICIOUS is not even near! Same goes to the Nam Yue Chicken Wing also. You should try it to understand what da fark i m trying to say here!
This is the Sweet n sour pork, my niece called it pig ball lol! anyway according to the ladyboss the meat are from the face of the pig rolled up like a ball and deep fried, the end result ? crunchy on the outside but very good meat texture in the middle, simply fantastic!
Stir fried LALAs (clams) with ginger and spring onions
Thats LALA!(clam) as huge as 50sen coin! never in my life i seen such a LALA as big as this!! *slurps*
The LALA is super fresh! the meat is elastic and juicy, the sweetness of the LALA mix with the ginger and spring onion flavor ....*MAMAMIA~~~~* .... you only will know how it taste like if only you were there.
There is a HUGE glass panel for you to look at how the chef is preparing your meal and how clean their kitchen is, so you can eat with confident.
This is not a huge restaurant, the whole place can only accomodates 7 tables comfortably. According to the lady boss they arent those big restaurant that will caters for hundreds of tables, their concept is quality of the food and customers service. Needless to say they did a great job on both.
I think i prefer to call this some kinda home cook style restaurant as compares to those Big Ass one like Tai Thong or Overseas n aders alike. The enviroment is cozy and not too noisy, you can still talk at your normal tone without raising your voice. There are no children runnign around screaming their lungs off (aparts from mine). Overall I think this is Ze Bezt Reaztorant I'd been to this year !!!
Ratings : 9 mamamias
Price : Not Cheap
20 June 2005
19 June 2005
So they asked me some questions which i cant really rememeber what anymore and we hafta fill in a form giving them our particulars before they would hand me the pack of free condoms. I purposely did not wanna fill in my cellphone number in the form bcoz i dont want them to call me at work especially when im in a meeting to listen to someone telling me some condom stories!
I handed in the form without my cellphone number but the girl told me that i am required to fill in that particular detail if i would wanna get my CONDOMS!!!
ok since i really wanted those free condoms i hafta give in. I put down my cellphone numbers and when Im done i hand over the form to them again and in exchange the girl gave me of a box of 6s' Durex. I got this.
I do remember this, there is a section in the questionaire that you are required to pick the brand of condom you usually use.The choices are Durex, Playboy, Pleasure plus and a few aders brand which i dont remember at all.
So, that was 2 months ago ... this morning I received a SMS message at 12pm. That bloody sms wokes me up!!! its fathers day and i am suppose to be sleeping till 7pm darnit !!!!
So i get out of bed to look at who da fark would dare to wake me up at time lidis .... this is what i read :
To all those who used or uses our competitor's products all these while, HAPPY FATHER's DAY !!!! "
I was laughing so hard Mrs. Wingz rushed into the room thot i got stroke or something, I show her the sms and got scolded by her ... *ish!* its father's day ok ? you are not suppose to scold me !!! :P
To my dad, Mr. Belacan, RG, PAPI, others bloggers who also happened to be a dad, and to all the fathers in the world ... Happy Father's Day may god bless us all with great and healthy children :)
17 June 2005
My source (Mr. BlueBird) told me that the PPS owner Mr. Aizuddin Danian has been secretly planning a BIG suprise announcement during the PPS Birday party bash, its actually about The Grand Prize for the Blog Of The Year Award (BOTY) winner, they got an additional BIG PRIZE to it! aparts from the free t-shirt and the free 1 year hosting valued at RM50.00 ......
Before that, lets have a look at the finalist of the BOTY Award, they are in no particular order :
Brand New Malaysian
I think hor ... this Grand prize is more useful to Viewtru and Brand New Malaysian rather to KennySia ler ... becoz KennySia is gonna kahwin with Xiaxue and move to Singkapoh ... i think he knot bring this prize to be used in Singkapoh also ..... :P anden if he bring this prize to Singkapoh hor sure you kena bully like siow one ... you know lar SingkapohLians all want branded stuffs one geh .... normal ler ... kiasuism mah hehehe ...
Ok la ok la .... i dunwan bikin u all suspense ledi la .... *drumrolllllll*
BEHOLD THE NEW GRAND PRIZE OF THE BOTY WINNER !!!!!
Eh ... Actulee I made up the entire story ok ? I see you all so tenseD ledi bcoz of the competition so sengit among all those Big Shot Bloggers, so i thot i kasi u all suspense more and also help u all to destress also lar - In a Nutshell, ITS A JOKE LAR!!! *GRINS*
ppssttt.... write some comment laaaa!!!! nobody comment is like toking to walls lidat one you know ??? *sigh*
16 June 2005
15 June 2005
I tried to seach for infos like this in Malaysia for a reader of mine but it seems that we do not have this kinda support group here! so the nearest i can goto is Singapore lorr ..... below are a few links to it ... hope it helps :)
SINGLE PARENT MEETUP
SINGLE PARENT SUPPORT GROUP
SINGLE PARENT'S WEBSITE
*P.S. : to those who came here hoping to find any information related to the famous SARONG PARTY GIRL pls tell me you are smilling now *grins* Cheers lar wei !!! knot take a joke meh ???!!! :oP
hiaz hiaz hiaz .... :o)
*selfnote : why ar sardenlee this SPG very hot isu ? *duh*
14 June 2005
After a while i know you will get sick with all my jokes, therefore today i wanna write about something more to the serious side of me. I wanna talk about :
Legal Issue on Contract Law in Malaysia
This is something I like to share with you from one of my seminar recently. It was conducted by A/P Catherine Tay on Legal issues in Ecommerce.
The thing that I have learnt from her is that : "As long as your good is purchased for personal / home use and not for business (ie. to be resold), the above exclusion clause is VOID. That means, as long as the good is defective, regardless of what is worded, you CAN get back all your money spent. You do not have to accept a repair on the good or an exchange. You CAN ask for a refund. AND its LEGALLY right and entitled to! What a relevation!! And most of the time the merchant will refuse to return you your money.
Now, since you know how to sue someone for RM5.00 ledi .... please dont use this method to sue me lerrrr !!! LMAO!!
Will everything will "STILL" be working as it is, OR certain kinda "AID" will be required to help the process. One thing for sure, we are alot luckier than those before us bcoz now we got Vitamin "V" - Viagra, that will certainly make a different LMAO!
Hey! Im definitely not "THERE" yet ok ? trust me! Anyway thanks to an email sent to me by a friend of mine I am beginning to have some kinda phobia towards growing old .... Look at it yourself.
OK OK, maybe an OVERDOSE of Viagras will do you justice but still your hearing would have given up on you, and instead of moaning you will hafta shout at each other! Imagine this!
Husband : I SAID SHOUT DIRTY TO ME SO I CAN KEEP ON BEING SEXCITED!!!
Wife : I JUST TOOK MY SHOWER DEAR, I AINT DIRTY
Husband : NEVERMIND ..... MY BATTERY JUST GONE FLAT AGAIN .......
13 June 2005
-18SX / PARENTS ADVISORY, EXPLICIT CONTENT!
-VIEWERS ARE ADVICE NOT TO DO THIS AT HOME, THE ACTORS ARE HIGHLY TRAINED PROFESSIONALS TO HANDLE SITUATION LIKE THIS! HIGHLY SUFFOCATIVE!
- YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!
12 June 2005
Maybe many of us dont realise that Jacky can play guitar. Well trust me he can! He played his own guitar when he sang the song Release yourself and several others song too! He told us that he felt more stylish and handsome with the company of a guitar.
I guessed the reason why I admire him so much has something to do witht he fact that hes the one of the few HK singer who can really sings, others are just selling their face or their sense of fashion, not to mention some of the butcher's doters who is selling "FRESH FLESH!"
His life performance were astounding, its flawless and to a plain guy like me, its almost CD quality! I dont go to lotsa concerts but i was really impressed by this one!
Hes really a multi talented singer, he had done most genre R&B, Country, Rap, ROCK, JAZZ, unplugged and many more.
Beside being a successful singer, he is also a down to earth family guy too. During the concert, he showed us a video clip about him and his wife (law mei mei).
It starts from the time they were still babies and untill they got married and "pak tao dou lou". May they live happily ever after
According to other singers who had worked together with Jacky before, they claim that he is a very pleasant person to work with, as he is always willing to share and unlike other singers
I could think of this and smile to myself, its had been almost 6 years now but still i really enjoyed every seconds of the concert. Heis one great singer! what else can i say ?
Anybody else is at the same concert at that night ?
Hey I managed to get his signature ok ? :P
Poem no.1 to 5 are all found in the same toilet written on the back of a toilet door in UK, enjoy reading it!
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.
Here I sit
Tried to shit
But only farted
We aim to please!
11 June 2005
Ah Beng : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Ah Beng : "Give me a green one, please "
Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job. He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.
Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected"
He is not sure of the question. After much thought, he writes " Yes "
Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Ah Beng : "What is that shiny object ?"
Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
Ah Beng : "What does it do ?"
Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" Ah
Beng : "I'll buy it"
The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermo flask
Boss : "What is that shiny object ?" Ah Beng : "It's a thermos flask."
Boss : "What does it do ?"
Ah Beng : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Boss : "What do you have in it !?"
Ah Beng : "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"
After taking photocopies of documents,
Ah Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks god is taking his picture.
Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it. When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command after some tries. Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng : "I press the 'F1' key for help ah but it's been over half an hour & still nobody come and help me Lah ?!"
Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring Lah - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear Lah"
"Oh dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ... what happened to the other ear ?"
Ah Beng answered : "That stupid dumbo called again Lah !!!!"
Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
Ah Beng : "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei AND LAS VEGAS ?"
Operator : "JUST A MINUTE..."
Ah Beng : "THANK YOU Lah" AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time,
Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Ah Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL." Ah Beng replies, "SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN FOR 4-7 YRS".
At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng's left tells the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE", and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR ?"
Ah Beng replies : "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED Lah"
10 June 2005
Translation : If you eat here hor, you not only get good delicious food but you will also get a lotsa "kentut" also
Translation : NO! its not the blowjob you are thinking about !!! Shame on you!!!!
Note : The icon looks more like a Porn shop icon more than a Dentist icon huh ?
Translation : If you wanna get prompt attention in this dobi all you need to do is to drop your pants!
Note : Ok Ok I know what you thinking, its not MEGAFUCKS! it is MEGAFLICKS. They really should have used another type of fonts.
This is my Favourite : Any Person (except players) Caught Collecting Golf Balls on This Course will be Prosecuted and have Their Balls Removed. a Msg to KENNYSIA : Pulez dont go anywhere near that golf course!!! they will remove your "coconuts" !!!
8 June 2005
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
( HAHAHAHAHA!!!! MAN they are good!)
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how??...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion. Youn dont hafta defrost it if you dont want to :))
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, if you see this warning then its a bit late, sigh*!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and... I'm taking this because???....if dont make me feel drowsy i also wont take lar oi!!! sohai mia anak!!! )
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what?)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)