Tenkiu for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern.......
- I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
- I no longer drink Pepsi since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
- I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
- I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
- I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
- I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
- I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
- I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda and Uzbekistan.
- I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
- I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
- Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.
- I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been dying for the past seven years.
- I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $1,500,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 PM and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer. So you'd better get going on that e-mail!!!