23 July 2009

KL Survival Guide : Driving for Expats


If u are new to KL or you gonna be in KL pretty soon be it for holiday, to work, to get asian chicks (pls leave some for the local dudes ok? you angmohs come here kauED all the chinese chicks then angmoh chicks who wants?) and you thinking of driving yourself in the city then you came to the right place! I been living in KL as far as i can remember! in fact i never left KL in the 30 odd years of my life!!! So hear me out!

  • 1. Traffic lights is only for decoration purposes! Yea u hear me right! Traffic light is not there to control traffic! they are just there to add some colors to the boring gray tar road! You do not need to pay any attention to them at all! No matter if its red, yellow or green .. all 3 colors means u can go! its ur turn to move! If you stop at traffic light you will get honked at and they will send their regards to your parents one!
  • 2. dont pay attention to indication signal light! Its an unwritten rule in KL ... we have an unwritten prank that we play on foreigners, we use the indication lights to prank them! to make them think we gonna turn right but infact we actually wanna turn left ... or not turning at all!!! So dont get punkED ok?
  • 3. Q jumping is ok by us! .... its like a game we play with each other, its like a tag game! car tag game ... if u dun wanna get tagged u let him in if you are tagged then you lose! But beware, if you were caught byt he referee during your tag game your will be fine a Maximum of RM50 on the spot! but then again that is highly negotiable ok?
  • 4. Double parking is a sign that u got balls! If you dare to triple park then u got BIG BALLS!! The more cars n traffic u managed to block ... the higher your score! Only pussies dont double park!
  • 5. We hate gentlemen! We think gentlemen is faggots & pussies! So .. dont give way! if you let them in .... they will look down upon you, send regards to your mader and give u "The Finger" when they got in! so to save watever machoness u got left ... die die also dun let them in!!!
  • 6. Do not stop at STOP sign .... those signs were put there by the brake pads manufacturers to speed up their sales! They more u brakes the faster u replace your brake pads!
  • 7. when you car broke down ... its ok to leave it right in the middle of the road without any warning signs to warn incoming traffic about your stalled vehicle. This is to give them the chances to learn evasive manuevers! this kinda chance dont come by everyday ok?
  • 8. Motorcycles is invisible! Yea ... it IS!!! you just pretend you never sees them at all!!! along your journey you would prolly bang onto at least 8 motorcycles and killed at least a dozens riders but its ok ... we got millions of them and majority of them dont even have a driving license!
  • 9. Banglas crossing the highways is also a good chance to pratice your targetting system! those bargers is slick! try to hit them at any cost!!! Dont worry we got plenty fo them too! this burgers keep kambing back one!!! same applies to indons and pakistanis!
  • 10. Its invitable that you will meet up with our natinal pride the "Mat Rempits" the local stunt hero on a bike ... if you hit any of these its double score for you!!!
There u have it! Top 10 things u must know as an expats if you wanna be driving in Malaysia!!! Dont say I no TELL YOU!!!

12 comments:

  1. If all the AngMohs come over and start playing the game like you suggest them to, the Malaysian population will become less and less already...haha or maybe the AngMohs population will become less...

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  2. Kill those mat rempit fuckers.....*middle finger*

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  3. eh i thought hit mat rempit means BINGO already? No?

    p/s: are you secretly supporting my activity in the "white man asian chick" issue?

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  4. Hey, Maccaroni Boy here again. I just got my license a few days ago, and first thing I did was drove back to school for band practice. I nearly hit a Porche. Can you tell me what reward I get? X99 points ah? Haha, BANG THE BANGLAS!!!

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  5. If compared with Manila and Ho Chi Minh CIty, i think we malaysian traffics is like babies.If Mat Rempit can do what they do(in KL),here in HCMC...i salute u(dead or alive)!!!!

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  6. Hmmm...why don't leave comments? Your blog is so neat. :o)

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  7. Hmmm...why don't leave comments? Your blog is so neat. :o)

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  8. hahaha, this is so funny.

    so who is the end level big boss i need to bang to get 999999 score?

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  9. u sounded very angry ;p

    but i would concur on that.

    ^^

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  10. Datuk, I hereby nominate you to draft the new Malaysian Driving Etiquette guidebook...it should be made compulsory for all new driving learners in the country =)

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  11. I will never complain about all of it after live in Middle East. If you driving there I can 1000000% gerenti u will suicide!

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  12. oh dear, malaysian drivers really are "brave" by not following laws, do we???

    the 1st time i came to uk, i was so surprise by the courtesy of them drivers as they would stop for pedestrians to cross.

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