31 January 2005

Chap Sei Kai - Rassemblez le Poulet Mort

*disclaimer : the whole story is re-anacted, the story line is preserved and professional actor(s) is being hired for this re-enactment. Hidup mati in this story do not have anything to do with anyone out there whether he/she is still alive, half dead, coma-ing, immortal or dead liow. Children are advised to read with adult's supervision. Might contains some degree of cruelty, racistism sexistism or thaipusam. Viewer discretions are advised.

A note prior to the story. We do use walkie talkie to communicate between upstairs (office) and downstairs (farktory).

Starring :

Mutu : Domin* pizza delivery man
Jo : aku mia sales co-ordinator
Ye : aku mia purchaser
Atan : Bangla logistic manager (storeboy)
Ramu & Azhar : Atan mia mahchais (kuli)
Liz : Domin* pizza mia sales co-ordinator
Wingz : me (The Hero!)

The Story

Last Thursday 4:18pm

Wingz : *thoughts - hmm.. better order something to eat ... tonite sure work late wan* picks up phone to order pizza *dial 1-300-xxx-xxx*

Liz : tenkiu for calling bla bla bla, what can i do for you sir ?

Wingz : I wanna order some pizza what kinda package do you have, like combo set n stufs ?

Liz : Can i have your phone number sir ?

Wingz : 37xx xxxx

Liz : Thank you Mr. Wingz bla bla bla .....

*after 10 millions years later*

Wingz : I wanna order combo 3.

Liz : That would be 52.40 + tax sir, do you have small change sir ?

Wingz : i got i got ! just send the bloody pizza will you ? i m growing beard alredi !!!

Liz : your pizza will arrive at your place approximately half an hour from now

Wingz : *look at watch - 4:30pm* Okay Thankiew.


Half an hour later ....

Wingz : *intercom Jo* oi girl i ordered pizza come ledi anot ?

Jo : What time you order wan ?

Wingz : 4:30 guah ... why ?

Jo : if they dint arrive within 30 minits from the time you order you will get free pizza when you order next time ler ... you dunno meh ?

Wingz : i dunno this kinda ahso things one wor ....

Jo : #$%^&*#@!!!!

Wingz : oi lu girl la ... dun curse lidat later ghost see u also lari what else men ? aiyoo ....

Jo : now ledi 5:20 la ... u go call that idiot and see whether he kena langgar lori anot laaa me also hungry ledi.

Wingz : oi who say i got order for you also ? you tak malu one ka ? kakakaka

Jo : if you didnt order my share ... i will spit on your pizza when it arrive *evil grin*

Wingz : sigh ... women ... kecik kecik ledi so evil ....

Jo : Wat kecik ? where kecik ??? mei sei kor izzit ?

Wingz : soli kakak ... ampun kakak ....

*Ding dong~~~ *

Jo : got peeple pless doorbiau ler ... i think your pizza come liow

Wingz : open door go see ... i get the money ready

Jo : ok hes here dont forget to wutt him the free pizza !!! if u dun wutt then u no balls wan!

Wingz : wah lau eh ai meh ? say me lidat meh ?

Jo & Ye : Pussy !

Wingz : ok ok ... eh .. mister mutu izzit ?

Mutu : yes boss ?

Wingz : before i pay you har i mau ask you where my free pizza la ?

Mutu : Boss what free pizza boss ? you ordered combo no.3 dei.

Wingz : macha your kompeni say if you arrive later than 30 minutes after i order you kena gibe me free pizza one wor !!!!

Mutu : Boss belum 30 minutes yet boss.

Wingz : dei thambi! i ordered at 4:30 now 5:30 ledi ... apa bulum 30 minits lagi ???

Mutu : ..... but boss i receive your order at 5.05pm boss how lar ? not my fault boss ....

Wingz : dei! itu not my pobem wokeh ? itu lu sindiri sort out ... mana my free pizza ? faster kasi !!!

Mutu : Boss dont like this boss, i kena 12 free pizza ledi boss this month ... kompeni give 5 free every month only ... extra kena potong gaji boss .. have mercy boss ..... thousand apology boss ....

Wingz : * use walkie talkie to call downstairs* Atan over Atan ....

Atan : Yes boss ? over .....

Wingz : Atan you see the pizza motor downstairs ? over ....

Atan : Yes boss, why ? over ...

Wingz : Atan you take ramu and azhar kasi modify itu motor become basikal for me over ...

Atan : Okeh boss !!! Roger !

Jo & Ye : wuahhh you so man O~~~~

Mutu : Okeh boss okeh ... i gibe boss i gibe !!!

Wingz : Atan Hold mission dulu over ...

Atan : Roger that!

Wingz : dei so how now ?

Mutu : *hesitantly* Ok boss i give you this voucher the next time you order you tell them you got this voucher they will give you one free regular pizza *long face*

Wingz : ahh ... lidat good larrr ... *Atan Abort mission over*

Atan : ten four boss over n out !

Wingz : nah here your money, next time dont stop by the mamak store for teh tarik anymore larr ...

Mutu : *grumbling grumbling*

*after Mutu left*

Jo : Wuah boss you very the cruel ler ... kesian that man hafta kena deduct gaji .... what lar you ...

Wingz : Oi! you two force me to wutt him one wor !!! gimme back the pizza you 2 ekor cicak dun eat!

Jo : *open mouth wide wide ready to spit onto the pizza*

Wingz : ok ok u win u win ... i share i share ....

*note to myself - tomlo put rats poison into the water filter .... :P

Hiaks Hiaks Hiaks .... FREE PIZZA !!! CHAP SEI KAI !!!

Million Dollar Mug !!!

My Million Dollar Mug !!! Suck on This Bill Gates !!! Posted by Hello

Essential Communication Device

Sigh* ... that bloody cleaning ahso is definitely not doing a good job .... need to find a new one after CNY Posted by Hello


WANTED !!! 5cm high 2 cm wide oren kaler prolly chinese origin ... proceed with caution as he can spits fire, extremely flammable !!! Posted by Hello

Sibeh clear hor ?

Closeup 1cm macro mode on a wide angle lense Posted by Hello

Singkapoh's Cendol Closeup

Singapore Cendol Closeup Posted by Hello

Actulee, i ordered cendol one ... i ask the uncle mai put the green worm and mai put red bin ... i ask him to replace with atapchee and corn, he told me kena add S$1.50 my cendol ledi S$1.50 i knot contra my red bin n grren worm with atapchee n corn one meh ? he say knot ! KNNWCCB !!!! *curse 9 his stall kena raid bcoz of food poisoning*

You are PaparaziED!!!

I saw this reporter walking on Queen street Sg. ... how often you get to report a reporter ? hehe ... i got my shots ledi !!!  Posted by Hello

Singkapoh's Teksi macam Charmeleon

Charmeleon Taxi Posted by Hello

Extreme Mobile Ads

Typical Singapore Overkill Mobile Advertisement Posted by Hello

Confucius Entry no.1 - SSDD

New glossary - SSDD : Same Shit Different Day

1. If you keep eating the same food for blekfas, lunch and dinnah day after day, you will have the SSDD. LOL!!! ( i know i know its not suppose to be used this way but i just cant resist this one )

2. My job is kinda like the SSDD. clock in, wait for lunch, wait for tea time, wait for 5pm. :P

Thanks to Alex the faggot for the new term!

Once Upon a Time in china II

Guangdong Petaling Street, China Posted by Hello

Once Upon a Time In China I

Guandong, China Posted by Hello

My Virgin Post ! - Sex at 50 anyone ?

Got this one from a fren of mine in frenster

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you." "Yes," she says, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "how about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this,and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both finish. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him! what his secret is. As the couple passes, he says to them, "That was something else! You must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it?You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"

The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence